Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Latest Goings-On

I will write a quick update, hopefully I will write more in the next couple of days.

I am currently immersed in the world of naps, snacks, cuddles, stories and arts and crafts.

Keiran tells me I am his 'favorite girl'.

He also has a wonderfully honest way about him. When I read him his story yesterday afternoon before nap time I asked if he would like to take the book into bed with him to look at. His answer was a firm 'No, I might pee on it'.

This afternoon I told him to run along to his room and I would be there in a minute to which he replied 'I'm going to walk, Grandma Laura'.

Forrest is getting to be quite the flirt with his big blue eyes. He loves the broom and the vacuum cleaner, as well as throwing and chasing balls.

Lilly is reading incredibly well for a girl in Grade One, very impressive. We had a date this morning where we went to a paint store and she painted a flower pot. It turned out very well but we had to leave it there until it dried. Afterwards we did a little shopping and then she guided me back to the house perfectly. She has a little treasure chest of gifts that she is collecting for me to take home, very precious indeed.

Rod just contacted me. He is finally feeling better today. He tells me that my Mom was confused when she phoned him on Monday and told him she was at the rehab facility. She is actually in hospital still and the nurse tells him this evening that she does have a fractured right hip and pelvis. On Monday the nurse he talked to told him there was a fractured pelvis and possible fractured hip but then called him back right away and said there were no fractures seen. He was told this evening that they were going to send her 'closer to home' tomorrow to recover  - this time they planned to send her to High River. High River is even farther away than last time they tried to send her 'closer to home', each time without talking to her or us when making their plans. Rod referred them to the electronic health record and her last two admissions - I find it a little sad that a layperson has to tell professionals to do this. There is a wealth of information in there that they could reference, including a very detailed discharge summary.

Forrest gets his immunization tomorrow so I will be having a date with Keiran in the morning. Best get my beauty sleep ;).

Take care everyone.


Monday, March 18, 2013

Normal is a Dryer Setting

In my last post I mentioned wanting to get back to normal.
Over the last several days I was reminded of the saying 'Normal is just a dryer setting'.
Thursday after radiation I had my discharge teaching with Patsy. She told me at the time that her good friend Val was now in palliative care and not doing well, she has been supporting Val and her family and it has been hard on her.
When I got home I found Rod home already, not feeling well. Very unusual for him to come home from work so he must have really been feeling sick - he was coughing and said he ached all over.
Friday was the last day of my treatments, there is an area under my arm that is beginning to break down, the rest of the skin is just tender like a really good sunburn. I am keeping up on the Glaxobase cream, I am told that it could get worse for a week or so before it starts to get better.
After the treatment I met Liz, Sherry and Lisa for lunch, it was great to catch up on their lives and the goings on at work. When I got home, Rod once again came home from work early.
Over Friday evening and Saturday I packed and prepared for my week away at Justin and Leah's. It was also Jordan's 28th birthday on Thursday and Kenny's 18th birthday on Saturday. Not too terribly much celebrating happened so we will have to make up for that when I get back and we are both better. I also had a meeting on Saturday a.m. at our autism association regarding the young adult workshops we do.
On Sunday morning just after we were getting up and getting ready to go to the airport we received a call from the hospital emergency department saying my mother had fallen again and was in their department waiting for x-rays. I made the decision that I was going to continue with my travel plans - I may not win daughter of the year for that. I am relieved to find out since getting here that nothing was broken and that she spent one day in hospital and is now in the rehab facility until she is well enough to go back to the lodge.I'm hoping for a better assessment for her this time, she hasn't gone longer than about a month when back at a lodge since her fall in December 2011.
At the airport I checked in and was happy to see that I had been assigned a window seat on the plane. As I was going past one of the baggage handlers he stopped me and said he'd had a song going over in his head and he couldn't get it out - he began to hum it and I joined him as I recognized it. I'm sure Rod thought we were both a little crazy when he caught up with me.
When we got our boarding call for my flight. I was sure I must have gotten the wrong instructions as it seemed that I walked the length of a football field before finally getting to our 'gate' and then having to go outside to board the plane. There were seven of us traveling on a plane that had about 16 seats from what I could tell and all of us had a window seat. The aisle was very small and I was right over the wing where I could see the propellor. It was snowing when we left and they kept de-icing the plane while we sat waiting to take off. We could see the pilots from our seats and there were no attendants on this flight.
What are the odds then, that out of the seven passengers, the lady I sat across from recognized the 'hairdo' and asked if I was going home between treatments.  I explained the completion of my radiation and she shared that she had gone through chemo last year also, having completed earlier than me. She showed me pictures on her iPad of her last chemo and we bonded during the flight.
I will share more about my time here in Cranbrook in future posts, this one is getting long.
For now I will say that it has been good medicine.


Take care everyone.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Resistant, Reluctant, Realistic and Resigned

I met with my doctor on Monday afternoon. I have been resistant to the idea of taking longer to return to work following radiation. I want to get back to normal sooner rather than later. I miss being in the center of things at work, I always enjoyed and felt that I thrived on that. I feel that the longer that I am away the harder it will be to get back to where I am contributing and 'in the swing' of things.

I have been reluctant to admit to myself and others that I am once again very tired. The hemoglobin seems to have taken a hit again and I am back to napping and going to bed very early in the evening. I am also averaging 15 - 20 hot flashes any given day/night and that is not helping with the tiredness. My hands are very stiff and sore and the fingertips continue to be numb from the Taxotere. At Costco the other day I was trying to pick things up from the basket and kept dropping them due to the sudden pain in my right wrist on each attempt. It may or may not be related to the cording from the axillary lymph node dissection.

On Monday I had an early radiation treatment at 0800 followed by the Costco trip with Rod which was followed by a nap and then my afternoon appointments. By the time I saw the doctor I told her that even 'my aches were aching'. She reiterated that she felt it was too soon for me to be returning to work two weeks post radiation. She said she could not stop me but if I did it would be like discharging myself against medical advice.

After discussing everything I resigned myself to the fact that I probably wasn't ready for an April 1st return and allowed her to write a letter to my insurance company requesting an extension of my time off.  I must have been looking pretty discouraged because she said not to think of it as a failure on my part to return when expected but to have a paradigm shift and think of it as planning to return 'well'. She suggested that I get going with more rehab while I am off.

I will plan to do that. My last radiation treatment is on Friday, followed by a lunch out with some of my co-workers. Rod booked a flight for me to Cranbrook for Sunday where my three little 'trainers' will work with me as they did a year ago with planned rest periods and nutritious meals and snacks included. I look forward to my visit with Justin, Leah and kids :)

When I return I have a series of appointments that include some scans and another doctor visit to ensure I am doing OK and that I am able to continue with the Herceptin infusions.

Not what I had planned but I am past resistant and reluctant and I am now realistic and resigned that this is probably what is best. I don't have to be happy about it quite yet though.

Take care everyone.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Security

My daughter-in-law Leah recently posted this exchange on Facebook, it really pulled at my heartstrings -

Keiran:  Mom, when I have my next birthday, how old will I turn?
Me:  Three.
Keiran:  Well, then I will be getting old and you will need a new Keiran.
Me:  Where will I get a new Keiran?
Keiran:  Maybe at the store. (Looking concerned and tearing up). Maybe you could keep me...I won't really be that old...Could you please keep me, Mom?

I can just imagine that somewhere he heard about needing to replace something that was getting old with a new one and his interpretation seemed quite logical to an almost three year old that is a deep thinker - if things that get old need to be replaced, then possibly so do people that get old.

I hope you are not getting too tired of my references to Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Today's reading reminded me of Keiran's needing his Mom's reassurance in order to feel secure (and irreplaceable no matter how 'ancient' he gets ;) -

You are Mine for all time - and beyond time, into eternity. No power can deny you your inheritance in heaven. I want you to realize how utterly secure you are! Even if you falter as you journey through life, I will never let go of your hand. 

Knowing that your future is absolutely assured can free you to live abundantly today. I have prepared this day for you with the most tender concern and attention to detail. Instead of approaching the day as a blank page that you need to fill up, try living it in a responsive mode:  being on the lookout for all that I am doing. This sounds easy, but it requires a deep level of trust, based on the knowledge that My way is perfect.

Today was a good one. I took it easy in the morning after not much sleep during the night (Herceptin side effects). Kenny is in hockey playoffs right now so I spent the better part of the afternoon in a hockey arena - they won :). I was cold and achy after being in the arena so came home and cuddled with my quilts. Wade came over and visited for a bit with Rod and I, we had a great talk, very inspiring - very glad he came over even if he neglected to bring Gayle with him this time (and made a comment asking when I was going to dye my grey hair!).

Tomorrow it's back to radiation, the start of the last week. I'm the first appointment of the day in my area and we changed to daylight savings time last night so I'd better call it an early night tonight if I want to be 'radiant' in the morning. Such an exciting life I lead ;).

Take care, everyone.




Saturday, March 9, 2013

Radiant

I think I must be starting to glow in the dark. ;)

Yesterday when I went for my radiation treatment I was lying on the table and the two RT's in the room were peering closely at my chest, first of all looking for my tattoos to ensure I was positioned properly and then to see how my skin was holding up. I still find that a little discomfitting. The one RT said that I was beginning to tan. I told him that my husband referred to my treatments as 'catching some rays'. He laughed and said that he hadn't heard them referred to like that before and then stated 'You are radiant'. I told him I had never been referred to like that before, it reminded me of Charlotte's Web and her attempts to save Wilbur, one effort was by weaving the words 'Radiant Pig' into her web.

Yesterday and today have been beautifully sunny days and there is lots of snow on the mountains. I drove out to visit my Mom this afternoon and the best way that I could describe the sun shining off the snow on the mountains is 'radiant'.

Today's reading in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young seems appropriate to share, given the theme -

Rest in My radiant Presence. The world around you seems to spin faster and faster, till everything is a blur. Yet there is a cushion of calm at the center of your life, where you live in union with Me. Return to this soothing Center as often as you can, for this is where you are energized: filled with My Love, Joy, and Peace.

The world is a needy place; do not go there for sustenance. Instead, come to Me. Learn to depend on Me alone, and your weakness will become saturated with My Power. When you find your completeness in Me, you can help other people without using them to meet your own needs. Live in the Light of My Presence, and your light will shine brightly into the lives of others. Galatians 5:22, 1 John 4:12.

Naptime, need some re-energizing ;)

Take care, everyone.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Life as Laura

This week has been another busy one and tomorrow will be no different with radiation in the morning, my return to work class in the afternoon and then my Herceptin infusion late afternoon. I will do a quick post this evening to catch up. I thought it might be fun to do that by making 'Laura is' statements. Here goes -
Thursday evening - Laura is very happy she decided to purchase tickets for the C. S. Lewis one man play - excellent evening with Rod, Brad and Dawn, and Patty, Calvin and Mitchell.
Friday lunch with the ladies - Laura is so blessed to have such wonderful support from so many friends and co-workers past and present, it was a wonderful lunch and so nice to visit with everyone again. We had a round table which allowed us all to catch up on each others lives as a group. When  the bills came Laura is the recipient of the senior's discount with her new hair ;)
Saturday and Sunday - Laura is tired and taking it easy, must be the senior coming out.
Monday - Laura is mom and chauffeur to Kenny who was sick and had stayed home from school. His biology teacher, however, called my cell phone and wanted him to come in to school and write a unit test that had to be written that day 'unless he is on his deathbed'. He said Kenny was doing well but didn't want him to get behind. You can imagine how well that went over with Kenny. I drove him over after my radiation treatment, went to Costco and then waited in the parking lot at the school for another hour before he completed the test.
Tuesday - Laura is daughter and chauffeur to my Mom who had a Cast Clinic appointment. The doctor says she has healed well, she needs to start walking more but otherwise she is good to go. At the hospital there is a shortcut hallway to the Cast Clinic area and it was on this part that I realized that Laura is definitely needing to 'up her bench'. There was an incline which taxed my ability to push the wheelchair up it and then there was a decline that equally taxed my ability to pull back on the wheelchair and keep it from getting away on me. We did manage to make it safe and sound both ways. ;)
Wednesday - Laura is 'fifty shades of pink' - starting with having two male RT's doing the treatment today, completed by my skin's response to the radiation and several hot flashes added in. At my appointment with my radiation oncologist afterwards I was told that my skin is doing better than she had thought it would and that I might not even peel. I was pleased to hear that, Shannon will be also.
Finally, Laura is very cool as she drives around the city in the new Jeep Wrangler provided as a rental by the insurance company while my car is being repaired. Good thing I picked it up today, I'm positive I would never have been able to get Mom into it for her appointment yesterday, it's a bit of a step up even for me to get into.
Now, Laura is calling it a night.

Take care, everyone.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Hair again ...

Well - there were several 'firsts' in the last couple of weeks in regards to hair. It was August 28th that I started wearing a wig or head covering and I was just so tired of it, especially with the 'climate changes' that chemo and Tamoxifen have brought on a regular basis so last weekend I ditched them all and went 'topless' in public for the first time. No one left the room screaming - that was a relief. It is coming in with the typical salt and pepper colour that I hear is common after chemo and it promises to be curly again, no surprise there.

I also had to pluck some stray eyebrow hairs prior to travelling last weekend and on Friday of this week I was able to put mascara on my eyelashes and make it stay there - progress indeed. The bottom lashes are more plentiful than the upper lashes just yet but they seem to be returning in the order they left - first to go, first to return.

Here's my latest photo with my new 'head of hair' (mostly head), eyebrows and eyelashes, I was practising as (wouldn't you know it!) this is the year I have to renew my license and my passport, the license before the end of March -
I loved my mother's reaction when I went to visit her yesterday - she took a look at me and said 'Well, your hair is growing, eh?'
Then she said - 'I wonder why it's growing in like that? I guess it's OK - but I wonder why it's growing in like that?'
I'm not sure what 'like that' means but it gave me a smile for the day.
We're having quite the snowstorm here - I'm hoping that it will have blown itself out before I have to head for my radiation appointment early tomorrow morning - my manager emailed our team and told everyone to stay off the roads and work from home tomorrow if it was still snowing  - these are the times I wish I wasn't in treatment and working instead ;).
Take care, everyone.