Week in Review

It felt good to add a post once again

.

Monday I had an appointment with my BCSCF physician followed by a visit with Norman. It was good to see him, he is doing so well! He arrived with his usual treat for me of a salted brownie but this time he added a wonderful lemon square that had a shortbread crust; he had tucked away another one in a box for Rod along with a brownie for Kenny. Popular man in our household this week! My voice was still mainly absent on Monday so I sat and listened while Norman talked, I bet that doesn’t happen for him often, it was a very enjoyable visit.

On Tuesday I decided that I needed to take it easy and see if I could help my body get rid of this cold that has been lingering; it was a nice quiet day.

Wednesday was an errand/shopping morning and I was very pleased with how well everything went; the route I had planned worked well and I was home for lunch with everything (and more) that I needed taken care of.

Yesterday was apparently national Chili Day (according to Facebook, anyway) so I made up a big crockpot full of chili first thing in the morning and then did a few other things before going over to the hospital to have the holter monitor applied. There were a few other people in the waiting area of the CV labs area when I arrived and the staff was at lunch; I was happy to have my iPad with me and access to the internet. When it was time for my appointment, they called me by my first name and took me back, without checking any of my demographic information with me to make sure that I was the right person – not good on their part.

The process of getting wired up was an easy one, first they used an alcohol swap to clean off the five areas that the leads would be placed; once those were dry they roughed up the skin a bit with an emery-like material followed by placing the monitor leads. Once placed, they connected the leads and then taped over the leads to secure them even more. The holter monitor itself was small, like a cell phone, much smaller than the ones I was familiar with earlier in my nursing days. The holter was placed in a protective cover and attached to some webbing that acted as a belt, the loose lead wires were all tucked up neatly and I was set.

The tech reviewed the diary that I was to keep with me. I was to go on with my normal daily activities; if I felt there was an ‘event’ i.e. arrhythmia; there was a button on the holter to push and I was to record the time on the diary along with checking off any symptoms I might have felt at the time it occurred. The only other instruction was that if I exercised I was to document the time and duration on the diary. 

As I left, I thought about walking down one of my favourite hallways at this hospital where they have different pictures and paintings by local artists for sale but talked myself out of it and headed home.

Murphy’s law – I didn’t have any episodes like the 45 minute arrhythmia that placed me on this path; I did my treadmill workout and recorded that; then had one little skipped beat once I went to bed, otherwise I think it was a fairly boring holter test. 

Here is a picture of the holter apparatus - my apologies for getting my finger in the way of the camera lens - 

This morning, I removed the holter as instructed at about 9:30 a.m. and placed everything along with my diary in a Ziploc bag, then drove over to the hospital and dropped it off to the bin they had instructed me to place it in. I once again had the urge to walk down the hallway where the paintings were but thought about my 15 minute parking and decided to leave. I made it to the front door and still thought I should go back and look at the paintings so I followed that urge and asked the Lord to show me if there was something there that I was supposed to see. Most of the hallway walls were being cleaned today so the pictures had been taken down and some were just in the process of being re-hung by a couple of volunteers. There was an area further down that always had pictures also so I headed to that area and once again asked the Lord to show me what I was supposed to see. There it was! The perfect picture for Keiran whose birthday is coming up at the end of April. The picture goes well with the theme I have going for his gift so I quickly picked up the picture and walked down the hall to the gift shop to pay for it. The volunteers beamed as I walked past them, very pleased at my purchase. So was I.

Tomorrow we have the pleasure of babysitting Paisley and Charlie.

So that is my week, including the Holter monitor which turned out really to be a non-event. Next week it will be back to work.

Take care, everyone!

Three Month Summary

I need to apologize for not posting anything since mid-November. It has been a busy time dealing with my mother's estate, trying to get back to my regular work schedule and Christmas thrown in for good measure.

Several people have inquired as to how I am doing and I know that they are genuinely interested. Sometimes when I am out and about and I get asked that question and I find it is easier just to say OK, rather than try to give too much explanation - when I have attempted a longer explanation including the words 'tired' or 'fatigue' I have gotten a quick comeback like 'you and me both' and so I am learning that OK is quite acceptable to most general inquiries but here I will give a little more detail.

I completed my support group at BCSCF on December 13th. A lovely bunch of ladies and we are keeping in contact, our first get together is a bowling party planned for late March. The day of December 13th we had a potluck lunch planned for after the group. I was hurrying around that morning getting a few things ready. Once I got into the room, my heart went into a very rapid rhythm, which has occurred at times in the past but is usually quickly converted by a cough or sometimes a cold drink of water. This time those tricks weren't working. I tried taking deep breaths and decided that I was in a good place as there were several doctors in the near vicinity so sat down and waited. At about 45 minutes into it, the rhythm returned to what my new normal seems to be - around 100 bpm. That was a welcome relief. I had an oncologist appointment scheduled for early New Year, so I decided to watch and wait and mention it at that appointment if I felt I needed to. Bring on Christmas! :)

Our place was a happening place for Christmas - I made a spreadsheet of meals which helped with grocery shopping. Justin, Leah and kids arrived on Monday the 23rd. We had a wonderful time with presents spilling far into the middle of the living room. It was magical to watch the kids prepare for Christmas Eve, including stocking, Santa's snack and Leah reading them 'The Night Before Christmas'. On Christmas morning Keiran's eyes were huge, he had received a rescue helicopter - his question to his mom as to how Santa could know exactly what he wanted was priceless! Paisley and parents as well as Charlie and Jordan and Celia all came over for Christmas Day. I won't go into tons of detail but the week included a visit to the Zoo for Zoolights and was completed by a Skating/Sledding Party at our local Park which I had booked for the day. It was a wonderful time and I know how truly blessed we are.

During this time I had the occasional heart rhythm irregularities, mostly when I was tired (everyday ;). I remained short of breath, something that hasn't changed since Herceptin treatment, so I did decide that I would mention it all to my oncologist at my January 8th appointment. Several of my chemo meds as well as the Herceptin can cause heart problems. My oncologist was lovely, she seemed pleased to see me but when I mentioned the arrhythmia she said 'that is concerning, you should have that checked out'. I think this is one of my biggest frustrations since ending treatment - knowing who to tell what - too many doctors. She asked if I would have the results of the mammogram I was having the next day cc'd to her and I agreed to do that, she also told me I could cut the Tamoxifen back to 10 mg/day to see if that would help with my joint stiffness and continued fatigue. She suggested that I should call the plastic surgeon I had been referred to for reconstruction as well and that was the end of my appointment.

The following day I had the mammogram. I was pleased that they took me directly to the higher magnification machine rather than having regular pictures and then going back several times. The tech was an experienced one who told me that she could not lie to people, which I found an interesting statement just out of the blue like that. I waited in the booth following the picture and she finally came back to me and told me that the radiologist said I could go. Then she said to me 'You would be wise to have a mastectomy for the other side but you didn't hear it from me'. I guess that was what she meant when she said she couldn't lie.

I put it behind me as I was busy at work - I am still not back to full time hours. For January I did one full day a week and three half days; February is two full days a week and two half days and the plan for March is three full days and two half days a week. I am currently taking two weeks of planned vacation days to the end of February - I do confess that I needed them and have been sick since just before leaving on vacation just over a week ago. That did not stop us from travelling last weekend to Cranbrook to celebrate Forrest's 2nd birthday. We had the privilege of staying with his other Grandma -wonderful pampering and hospitality!

I did remember to call the plastic surgeon's office to check on where I was in the waitlist lineup. I was quite surprised to hear that they did not have my referral, which had been sent to them June 12th. After a little phone time, they apologized and told me that if I would have the referral re-sent, they would place me on the waitlist as of June 12th. Now I know why my oncologist asked me to follow up!

I saw my BCSCF physician just after seeing the oncologist - she is the one who is keeping an eye on me regarding my return to work. She told me that she could also do follow up for me in other areas so I mentioned the heart arrhythmias only to get the same response from her as from my oncologist - that is concerning, you should get it checked out. Once more frustration as I had also told her that I was having some arrhythmias while in her office at the appointment. When I got home, I called for an appointment with my GP.

Just the day before my GP appointment, I received a phone call telling me that my oncologist wanted another mammogram in June and asking should they book it? I told them I was seeing my GP the next day so I would ask her to provide me with the requisition.

The day of the appointment it was wonderful to see my GP again. She had called me after my Mom's passing and she asked right away how everything was going in that regard. We talked and discussed the arrhythmia, shortness of breath and mammogram request. I am now scheduled for a holter monitor this week, an echocardiogram soon and I have a cardiology appointment booked for March. Gone are the days when the only reason I saw a Dr. was because I worked with them.

A couple of weeks ago I met with four other ladies from my online support group - one had come from Vancouver Island to visit and celebrate birthdays with family. We met for lunch on a work day. How wonderful to see them all and how incredible that it seems that they are all old and very dear friends. We have been through a lot together. They all seem to be doing very well and looking gorgeous along with it.

While I have been off this week I have been investigating Netflix a little and I have found a BBC series that I am loving. It is called 'Call the Mid-Wife' - it is based on the real life experiences of Jennifer Worth as documented in a three book series that she wrote once retired - the first book has the same title. The series takes place in the fifities. Of course, I had to download the books to my iPad as well as find out whether there were more shows other than the two seasons I have found on Netflix. I am pleased to report that there is a season three! I like to watch an episode while walking on the treadmill - it makes me feel somewhat righteous and gives me something to really look forward to. I should be able to space out the shows and the three books until season three is available in DVD in May.

That was a long summary - maybe not so much a summary as a novel. I hope that it helps bring people up to date. I find that when I am working it is difficult for me to write on the blog, I have lots of meetings and documentation required in my role and by the time the evening arrives I am tired and somewhat brain dead, it is hard to speak in sentences let alone write them. It will be interesting to see how the heart testing/follow-up turns out - it may be much ado about nothing. I find I can't compare my progress to others and I hope that anyone who is also going through or just through treatment and reading this doesn't think that my experience is the norm - it is only my experience. Most of the other people I am in contact with have regained their energy and they are moving on with their lives - as it should be.

Take care, everyone! 

Mixed Feelings and Looking Up

This post will be a bit of a hodge podge of what has been happening for me lately.

It was inspired by a comment that a friend made on Facebook about how hard it is to stay positive and questioning whether it was worth it.

Life is not easy.

In the past couple of weeks I have continued to work on getting Mom's affairs in order, I had my genetics appointment, I had my port removed (ouch, but progress) I learned that my brother has been laid off from his job after being so excited that he had found a job last summer and on the heels of him grieving our mother's loss, and I learned that a very good online friend that I went through chemo with passed away on November 9th (there had been no indication for her or those of us who knew her that she had bone and bladder metastases, everything happened very quickly for her). She was a beautiful person physically and in spirit and the relationship we built over the short period of time I knew her was a special one. It was a real shock to go onto Facebook last Saturday evening and read of her passing.

I have also continued to experience sudden fatigue that stops me from whatever I am doing at the time, whether I like it or not. Due to this, I have been cut back by my physician to three half days of work a week, basically until the end of November but I did convince her to re-evaluate me next week, just in case I could progress sooner than that - can you tell I am frustrated with the one step forward, two steps back progress?

The genetics appointment really got my attention. The most common genetic syndromes that are associated with breast cancer are BRCA1 and BRCA2. There are some indications from my family tree that those might be indicated and one of the reasons I was referred to the Genetics Clinic. I, of course, could not just let that lie and wait until the genetics appointment that took over a year to get so I did a little research on that myself beforehand. Following this research, when I attended the appointment I was almost certain that the type of breast cancer that I had did not really match with BRCA1 or 2.

It seemed a little weird to be attending an appointment at the Children's Hospital, but that is where the Genetics Clinic is located, so there I was, waiting in a little waiting room on the third floor. I had anticipated that the appointment would take about an hour and had told my co-workers that I would call into a meeting that was booked for 2 p.m. that afternoon. That was naive of me.

The genetics counsellor that greeted me and took me back to her office was very smart and used a large genetics vocabulary that I struggled to comprehend. We went through the cancer history on both sides of my family tree very thoroughly. She asked me some weird questions like whether I had trouble finding hats to fit on my head and commented on some moles and scars on my neck where neurofibromas had been removed. She also measured my head.

After about one and a half hours, she explained that she also did not feel that I was BRCA1 or 2 but that she was strongly suspicious of another genetic syndrome. This syndrome is not tested for here in my province so there is some protocol that needs to happen in order to get approval for the testing. Part of this was that I first need to be tested for BRCA1 and 2 to rule them out. Results from these tests take about 6 - 9 months to receive back. It appears that nothing moves all that quickly in the Genetics world. Once they have been ruled out, we can begin the process of seeking approval for the other testing. I signed some consents, including one that allowed them to provide the information from my testing to my family in the event of my demise prior to getting the results, a sobering thought. In the meantime, she is advising my physicians of her suspicions so that they can screen accordingly and we have corresponded a few times since by email where she provided me with more information on this syndrome. They will also attempt to find any biopsy results on my father to start the process for investigation of another possible syndrome called Lynch Syndrome.

This 'suspicion' brings together and helps make sense of what seemed to be random medical occurrences in my past - it will be interesting to see how the testing progresses. There is no cure for this syndrome, only screening to detect abnormalities early. There is a risk of other cancers that they would watch for and my risk of a new breast cancer forming in the other breast would be about 25 - 50%. If  I turn out to have this syndrome, my lifetime risk of breast cancer occurring is about 85%, according to the latest statistics, no big surprise then that it did occur.

All a little mind boggling. A lot to digest and then there is the waiting, which I still am not the best at yet.

Put it all together with everything else that has been going on and I have been a little distracted of late.

Which brings me back to the 'staying positive' aspect.

Here is how I cope with it. My focus is not on being 'up' but on 'looking up'. When I turn this all over to the Lord and focus on my relationship with Him instead of worrying or problem solving, then I do not need to try within myself to be upbeat or positive. The ability to turn everything over and rest in Him and know that He is in control and will guide me allows me to take the focus off of myself and my problems and, as a result, I feel better - I become more positive.

Take care, everyone.

Deportation

Today was a long awaited day for me, I have finally been de-ported.

I'll explain.

Back at the end of July 2012, I had my power port inserted for the purpose of receiving the chemo infusions, and subsequently the Herceptin infusions which were completed on Octber 3rd, 2013.

My port has worked beautifully for me through the year plus that I have had it so I shouldn't complain, but it was just under my right collarbone and very prominent as that is also my operative side. There weren't many moments that I wasn't feeling some discomfort from it.

About two weeks ago I received the package in the mail that informed me of my impending deportation (my own description of the procedure). In preparation I needed to book labwork to be drawn three days prior to the removal, it included a CBC (complete blood count) and INR (a test to show how the blood is clotting). I was able to combine the bloodwork I needed post genetics counselling appointment (I will tell about this appointment in another post) with this lab appointment.

My genetics appointment was at the children's hospital here and my port removal today was at our newest hospital - I realized that after today's procedure I have been a patient at every hospital in our city - once again going above and beyond in my role with the health region.

My bloodwork must have passed as I was called yesterday with instructions as to where to report this a.m. and told to stay nothing to eat or drink after midnight.

Things moved quickly once I arrived.

There was no IV or sedation. The freezing was put in and I could feel the epinephrine in it making my heart beat a little quicker (the stinging of the freezing could have contributed to that also ;). Next thing I knew the surgeon was making his incision through the previous incision. There was a lot of pressure, pushing and pulling. I had to ask once for a little more freezing as he got deeper. I had been told by others that the removal was easy and took very little time, however this was not the case for me.

I will sum it up by copying what I wrote to two of my coworkers - my port and I had become quite attached to each other and it proved to be a difficult separation. The experience has left me numb.

Once done, the area was sutured, taped and dressed and then I was taken to an area to wait for a porter. While I was waiting they brought Rod over so he could go with me to the Day Medicine area and we had the opportunity to show off some of our pictures of our grandchildren to the nurse who waited with us.

I was observed in Day Medicine for an hour or so after the procedure and then we were allowed to leave. I've used an ice pack intermittently throughout the afternoon and early evening and taken some Tylenol - it is a little tender and achy but quite tolerable.

One more step towards that new normal.

Take care everyone.

Comfort

Reading from Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional - Sarah Young - October 16th -

'Look to Me continually for help, comfort and companionship. Because I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My Presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as in large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.

When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in My arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.

My constant Companionship is the piece de resistance: the summit of salvation blessings. No matter what losses you experience in your life, no one can take away this glorious gift.'

Mom's funeral was all I had hoped it would be and more. I wanted people who didn't know my Mother well or much about her life to know more of her after the funeral. I wanted people who played a special part in Mom's life to have a part as much as possible - I wanted to honour her.

Three of my cousins who 'adopted' my Mom, especially during the time of my treatment combined to give the eulogy. Cheryl began with a brief history of important dates and times in Mom's life, she also read a contribution from my cousin Kerry, her brother. Next was Colleen, who along with cousins Gerry and Phil, was mothered by my mother during her early years following the loss of her natural mother. She spoke of the relationship that developed between her and Mom over the last few years. Gerry summed it all up with the following contribution -

'Hi, my name is Gerry – I am one of Aunt Ivy’s ‘girls’

What do you do when you live in a shoe?

If you are Aunt Ivy and you have a brother with three children who are suddenly without a wife and mother, you take them in until they are healed and ready to stand on their own two feet again.

What do you do when you live in a shoe?

If you are Ivy Mae Down and you lose your husband before you have a chance to grow old together, you pick yourself up and you carry on because you have four children who still need your love and guidance.

What do you do when you live in a shoe?

If you are Mother Down and you lose a son and a daughter you still have to keep carrying on because you still have two more children to hold and love.

What do you do when you live in a shoe?

If you are Ivy Down and you fall and break a hip and shoulder at the same time and you are facing a long road back to health, you use every ounce of willpower and determination to get yourself back to as good as new as possible so that you can get back to your family and friends as soon as you can…just in case they need you.

I think the phrase “what do you do when you live in a shoe?” was one of the sayings I most often heard from Aunt Ivy.  To me it always embodied Aunt Ivy’s belief that life will throw you curve balls from time to time, but you just have to keep picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and doing the best that you can with the circumstances in which you find yourself.

We will all have our own fond memories of Ivy, Mum, Grandma, or Aunt Ivy.  I hope that we can all remember the kind, generous, loving soul that was a part of our lives and take a page from her book, “What do you do when you live in a shoe?”  In today’s vernacular, “keep calm and carry on”.'

Next my nephew Joel sang the song 'He', which had very special meaning for him and for our family. When my sister Carol (Joel's mother) was about 15 she discovered this song and she was requested to sing it at several events. Joel was unaware that this was 'Carol's song' when he discovered it at about the age of 17. Since the first time I heard him sing it, it has touched me that he unknowingly shared this special song with his mother.

Following Joel's song, the other 5 grandsons joined Joel on the platform and, from oldest to youngest, they each gave a tribute to 'Grandma'. I hadn't realized until the funeral just how many sayings my Mom had but each of them seemed to bring out another one and a different facet of who 'Grandma' was. 

I had asked if the great grandchildren could contribute some of their art to honour Mom - they exceeded the request, here is the beautiful artwork from the 'greats' -

 

We closed with the hymn 'Great is Thy Faithfulness'. I chose this hymn as the last time I brought Mom to church we sang this sang as a congregation and she sang along so enthusiastically; she 'owned' each word as she sang. 

We were so blessed after the interment to have a more than abundant lunch provided and prepared by dear friends.. Jane's comment in sending me a picture of the prepared food was a blessing also -

'I am sending you a picture of what we made just for fun as it all looked so plentiful, I think your Mom would have been proud to serve it to her friends and family.'

 I think Jane is right.

 God is good!

Take care, everyone.

 

 

 

Making Arrangements

During the morning of September 30th I mostly slept. Rod called about mid-morning and was quite broken up that he had not been there for me, I tried to reassure him that all was OK. Gayle had texted me and told me that when I was ready her and Wade would bring over some Tim Horton's coffee - no pressure, just a wonderful kind offer. I had an appointment at the funeral home for Tuesday afternoon and they had sent an email regarding what I would need to bring for the appointment. One of the items on the list was a set of clothing for my Mom, which would mean making a trip out to the lodge.

Caleb contacted me and said he was out and did I need anything. I had been sent a recent photo by my cousin Gerry and I also had a photo of Caleb, Jordan and Kenny in a group hug with Mom that I liked. I asked if he could print copies of these photos for me, I would need them for the appointment next day also.

Wade and Gayle and Caleb and Leisha arrived about the same time. As well as coffee, Gayle brought food to feed a small army. We visited for a bit. I was pretty tired and was happy to have Wade and Gayle drive me out to the lodge, rather than drive there myself. I really enjoyed the conversation we had  there and back.
At the lodge I informed the staff of Mom's passing and, while Wade waited downstairs in the lobby, Gayle and I went to Mom's room to collect what was needed followed by a trip to her mailbox to collect recent mail.

Once home, we visited for a while longer before they left - I was a very poor hostess but they didn't seem to mind that - maybe they were used to this from my chemo days. Just after they left, Jane stopped by with a food package. What a blessing to be able to quickly and easily have a meal for Kenny and myself and anyone else who showed up over the next several days.

That evening I used an app on my iPad called 'Paperless' to make a folder for the funeral arrangements and lists of things that I needed to do and then prioritized the items. I started to try to piece together different events and timing in my Mom's life and realized that I should have paid more attention to details and dates than I had. It felt good to have the lists made and a bit of a plan and I made it an early night that night.

Tuesday I had arranged to pick up my brother, Ken and take him to the funeral home with me in the afternoon. The days are a bit of a blur now but Ev and Deb came over that morning. When they walked in I had not eaten breakfast yet and had just taken a second load of towels out of the dryer, both loads were sitting unfolded on my family room sectional. They set about folding towels while I made myself breakfast and gave them a bit of Gayle's baking. Ev had brought a lazy cabbage roll casserole to add to my food supply. We went for a lovely walk along the ridge of Fish Creek park - very enjoyable, both the view, the walk and the company. After that I needed to have some bloodwork done prior to picking Ken up.

I prayed about the appointment at the funeral home. I wanted to have a nice funeral for Mom but I also wanted to stay within a reasonable budget. The funeral director that we met with was wonderful. As we discussed things, there were several items like doing Mom's hair that were supposed to be charged for that she crossed out and said they would do anyways. Ken chose the flowers and colours for the casket spray as well as the design of the stationery that would be used for the memorial book and thank you cards. Once all the decisions were made the funeral director took the clothes we had brought as well as the pictures and when she came back she had an itemized list of expenses and another bag. I looked at the final price and was very thankful that it would work within the budget I had made. Once I gave my approval, she reached for the bag and handed it to me saying 'and you don't have to worry about supper tonight, here is a frozen lasagna for you'. It was quite a large lasagna, almost as large as Ken's eyes when he saw it. I was happy to hand it over to him, I had already been blessed by all the food received from friends, it was nice that Ken could have this package.

I won't go into each of the days prior to the funeral individually, I did meet with the cemetery on Wednesday a.m. and made a trip to Costco in preparation for Justin and Leah's arrival with our grandchildren. Rod was delayed a day in returning as they had been held up at the Mexican/California border (I told him I hoped this wasn't literal). This meant they missed their flight and weren't able to get out until the next morning, he arrived home Wednesday afternoon. I also had the last Herceptin infusion on Thursday at noon. As I turned each day over to the Lord, He met my needs and everything was falling into place very well for the funeral on Friday.

Take care, everyone.

Mom - Part 3

When Caleb and I reached Unit 64 with Mom and the porter, we were taken into a very large private room at the end of the unit, away from all the noise and busyness. The charge nurse came up to me as two other nurses settled Mom in and, just as the hospitalist had done, assured me that they would give Mom the best compassionate care and not to hesitate to ask for anything we needed. There was a chair that could be pulled out into a cot as well as two other chairs and a stool. I pulled one chair and the stool over by Mom's bed and settled in beside her, holding her hand. I had my iPad with me and I have a playlist of songs that I have used many times over the last year and a half for strength and comfort. As one of the songs began to play, Faith to be Strong by Andrew Peterson, Caleb seemed to especially like it and asked who the artist was. It is actually a group called that name, not sure why they only chose one member's name but they have several songs that I enjoy listening to. We sat there together with Mom, listening to the music, surrounded by God's presence and a wonderful peace.

As the evening wore on Dan and Ev stopped by. Dan read Psalm 91 to my mother and then prayed, they hugged Caleb and I and then left. Shortly after, I suggested to Caleb that I was fine and that he could also go. He asked if I needed anything and we arranged for a couple of blankets and pillows for me, then he left. The nurse that was caring for Mom was excellent, she treated her as if she was her own family member and also treated me with great kindness. One of the nurses that came in with her during the night to help care for Mom commented that she was enjoying my music.

Mom was being suctioned and turned about every two hours but it seemed that by about 2:30 a.m. she was requiring suctioning more often. Some labwork was drawn about 3:00 a.m. About 3:40 I was debating whether to wait until the nurses were due to come in at 4 or whether I should ask them to come and suction then. As I was debating this, Mom just didn't take the next breath. My hand was on her pulse which also stopped right at that moment; her passing was that easy and peaceful. I asked the Lord to take her hand as I let go of it, then I called the nurse. Two of them came in and they verified that Mom had passed. They were very considerate and told me to take all the time I wanted with Mom and when I was ready that I could come out to the desk.

When I was finished saying goodbye I went to the desk, called the funeral home, thanked the nurses and then made my way to the parking lot and drove home. Once home at about 6 a.m. I sent some texts, emails and facebook messages before crawling into bed to rest.

I'll end this post with an excerpt from Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional - October 11th -

...Though I have brought many pleasures into your life, not one of them is essential. Receive My blessings with open hands. Enjoy My good gifts, but do not cling to them. Turn your attention to the Giver of all good things, and rest in the knowledge that you are complete in Me. The one thing you absolutely need is the one thing you can never lose: My presence with you.

There is that word 'rest' once again. Those times where I learned to rest and to trust, especially in the last year, were a good foundation for that day and the days that have followed. While I missed Mom and also was missing having Rod there beside me to help me through everything, I was very aware of God's presence and His peace surrounding me.

Take care, everyone.