This post will be a bit of a hodge podge of what has been happening for me lately.
It was inspired by a comment that a friend made on Facebook about how hard it is to stay positive and questioning whether it was worth it.
Life is not easy.
In the past couple of weeks I have continued to work on getting Mom's affairs in order, I had my genetics appointment, I had my port removed (ouch, but progress) I learned that my brother has been laid off from his job after being so excited that he had found a job last summer and on the heels of him grieving our mother's loss, and I learned that a very good online friend that I went through chemo with passed away on November 9th (there had been no indication for her or those of us who knew her that she had bone and bladder metastases, everything happened very quickly for her). She was a beautiful person physically and in spirit and the relationship we built over the short period of time I knew her was a special one. It was a real shock to go onto Facebook last Saturday evening and read of her passing.
I have also continued to experience sudden fatigue that stops me from whatever I am doing at the time, whether I like it or not. Due to this, I have been cut back by my physician to three half days of work a week, basically until the end of November but I did convince her to re-evaluate me next week, just in case I could progress sooner than that - can you tell I am frustrated with the one step forward, two steps back progress?
The genetics appointment really got my attention. The most common genetic syndromes that are associated with breast cancer are BRCA1 and BRCA2. There are some indications from my family tree that those might be indicated and one of the reasons I was referred to the Genetics Clinic. I, of course, could not just let that lie and wait until the genetics appointment that took over a year to get so I did a little research on that myself beforehand. Following this research, when I attended the appointment I was almost certain that the type of breast cancer that I had did not really match with BRCA1 or 2.
It seemed a little weird to be attending an appointment at the Children's Hospital, but that is where the Genetics Clinic is located, so there I was, waiting in a little waiting room on the third floor. I had anticipated that the appointment would take about an hour and had told my co-workers that I would call into a meeting that was booked for 2 p.m. that afternoon. That was naive of me.
The genetics counsellor that greeted me and took me back to her office was very smart and used a large genetics vocabulary that I struggled to comprehend. We went through the cancer history on both sides of my family tree very thoroughly. She asked me some weird questions like whether I had trouble finding hats to fit on my head and commented on some moles and scars on my neck where neurofibromas had been removed. She also measured my head.
After about one and a half hours, she explained that she also did not feel that I was BRCA1 or 2 but that she was strongly suspicious of another genetic syndrome. This syndrome is not tested for here in my province so there is some protocol that needs to happen in order to get approval for the testing. Part of this was that I first need to be tested for BRCA1 and 2 to rule them out. Results from these tests take about 6 - 9 months to receive back. It appears that nothing moves all that quickly in the Genetics world. Once they have been ruled out, we can begin the process of seeking approval for the other testing. I signed some consents, including one that allowed them to provide the information from my testing to my family in the event of my demise prior to getting the results, a sobering thought. In the meantime, she is advising my physicians of her suspicions so that they can screen accordingly and we have corresponded a few times since by email where she provided me with more information on this syndrome. They will also attempt to find any biopsy results on my father to start the process for investigation of another possible syndrome called Lynch Syndrome.
This 'suspicion' brings together and helps make sense of what seemed to be random medical occurrences in my past - it will be interesting to see how the testing progresses. There is no cure for this syndrome, only screening to detect abnormalities early. There is a risk of other cancers that they would watch for and my risk of a new breast cancer forming in the other breast would be about 25 - 50%. If I turn out to have this syndrome, my lifetime risk of breast cancer occurring is about 85%, according to the latest statistics, no big surprise then that it did occur.
All a little mind boggling. A lot to digest and then there is the waiting, which I still am not the best at yet.
Put it all together with everything else that has been going on and I have been a little distracted of late.
Which brings me back to the 'staying positive' aspect.
Here is how I cope with it. My focus is not on being 'up' but on 'looking up'. When I turn this all over to the Lord and focus on my relationship with Him instead of worrying or problem solving, then I do not need to try within myself to be upbeat or positive. The ability to turn everything over and rest in Him and know that He is in control and will guide me allows me to take the focus off of myself and my problems and, as a result, I feel better - I become more positive.
Take care, everyone.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
Deportation
Today was a long awaited day for me, I have finally been de-ported.
I'll explain.
Back at the end of July 2012, I had my power port inserted for the purpose of receiving the chemo infusions, and subsequently the Herceptin infusions which were completed on Octber 3rd, 2013.
My port has worked beautifully for me through the year plus that I have had it so I shouldn't complain, but it was just under my right collarbone and very prominent as that is also my operative side. There weren't many moments that I wasn't feeling some discomfort from it.
About two weeks ago I received the package in the mail that informed me of my impending deportation (my own description of the procedure). In preparation I needed to book labwork to be drawn three days prior to the removal, it included a CBC (complete blood count) and INR (a test to show how the blood is clotting). I was able to combine the bloodwork I needed post genetics counselling appointment (I will tell about this appointment in another post) with this lab appointment.
My genetics appointment was at the children's hospital here and my port removal today was at our newest hospital - I realized that after today's procedure I have been a patient at every hospital in our city - once again going above and beyond in my role with the health region.
My bloodwork must have passed as I was called yesterday with instructions as to where to report this a.m. and told to stay nothing to eat or drink after midnight.
Things moved quickly once I arrived.
There was no IV or sedation. The freezing was put in and I could feel the epinephrine in it making my heart beat a little quicker (the stinging of the freezing could have contributed to that also ;). Next thing I knew the surgeon was making his incision through the previous incision. There was a lot of pressure, pushing and pulling. I had to ask once for a little more freezing as he got deeper. I had been told by others that the removal was easy and took very little time, however this was not the case for me.
I will sum it up by copying what I wrote to two of my coworkers - my port and I had become quite attached to each other and it proved to be a difficult separation. The experience has left me numb.
Once done, the area was sutured, taped and dressed and then I was taken to an area to wait for a porter. While I was waiting they brought Rod over so he could go with me to the Day Medicine area and we had the opportunity to show off some of our pictures of our grandchildren to the nurse who waited with us.
I was observed in Day Medicine for an hour or so after the procedure and then we were allowed to leave. I've used an ice pack intermittently throughout the afternoon and early evening and taken some Tylenol - it is a little tender and achy but quite tolerable.
One more step towards that new normal.
Take care everyone.
I'll explain.
Back at the end of July 2012, I had my power port inserted for the purpose of receiving the chemo infusions, and subsequently the Herceptin infusions which were completed on Octber 3rd, 2013.
My port has worked beautifully for me through the year plus that I have had it so I shouldn't complain, but it was just under my right collarbone and very prominent as that is also my operative side. There weren't many moments that I wasn't feeling some discomfort from it.
About two weeks ago I received the package in the mail that informed me of my impending deportation (my own description of the procedure). In preparation I needed to book labwork to be drawn three days prior to the removal, it included a CBC (complete blood count) and INR (a test to show how the blood is clotting). I was able to combine the bloodwork I needed post genetics counselling appointment (I will tell about this appointment in another post) with this lab appointment.
My genetics appointment was at the children's hospital here and my port removal today was at our newest hospital - I realized that after today's procedure I have been a patient at every hospital in our city - once again going above and beyond in my role with the health region.
My bloodwork must have passed as I was called yesterday with instructions as to where to report this a.m. and told to stay nothing to eat or drink after midnight.
Things moved quickly once I arrived.
There was no IV or sedation. The freezing was put in and I could feel the epinephrine in it making my heart beat a little quicker (the stinging of the freezing could have contributed to that also ;). Next thing I knew the surgeon was making his incision through the previous incision. There was a lot of pressure, pushing and pulling. I had to ask once for a little more freezing as he got deeper. I had been told by others that the removal was easy and took very little time, however this was not the case for me.
I will sum it up by copying what I wrote to two of my coworkers - my port and I had become quite attached to each other and it proved to be a difficult separation. The experience has left me numb.
Once done, the area was sutured, taped and dressed and then I was taken to an area to wait for a porter. While I was waiting they brought Rod over so he could go with me to the Day Medicine area and we had the opportunity to show off some of our pictures of our grandchildren to the nurse who waited with us.
I was observed in Day Medicine for an hour or so after the procedure and then we were allowed to leave. I've used an ice pack intermittently throughout the afternoon and early evening and taken some Tylenol - it is a little tender and achy but quite tolerable.
One more step towards that new normal.
Take care everyone.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Comfort
Reading from Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional - Sarah Young - October 16th -
'Look to Me continually for help, comfort and companionship. Because I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My Presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as in large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.
When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in My arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.
My constant Companionship is the piece de resistance: the summit of salvation blessings. No matter what losses you experience in your life, no one can take away this glorious gift.'
Mom's funeral was all I had hoped it would be and more. I wanted people who didn't know my Mother well or much about her life to know more of her after the funeral. I wanted people who played a special part in Mom's life to have a part as much as possible - I wanted to honour her.
Three of my cousins who 'adopted' my Mom, especially during the time of my treatment combined to give the eulogy. Cheryl began with a brief history of important dates and times in Mom's life, she also read a contribution from my cousin Kerry, her brother. Next was Colleen, who along with cousins Gerry and Phil, was mothered by my mother during her early years following the loss of her natural mother. She spoke of the relationship that developed between her and Mom over the last few years. Gerry summed it all up with the following contribution -
'Look to Me continually for help, comfort and companionship. Because I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My Presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as in large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.
When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in My arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.
My constant Companionship is the piece de resistance: the summit of salvation blessings. No matter what losses you experience in your life, no one can take away this glorious gift.'
Mom's funeral was all I had hoped it would be and more. I wanted people who didn't know my Mother well or much about her life to know more of her after the funeral. I wanted people who played a special part in Mom's life to have a part as much as possible - I wanted to honour her.
Three of my cousins who 'adopted' my Mom, especially during the time of my treatment combined to give the eulogy. Cheryl began with a brief history of important dates and times in Mom's life, she also read a contribution from my cousin Kerry, her brother. Next was Colleen, who along with cousins Gerry and Phil, was mothered by my mother during her early years following the loss of her natural mother. She spoke of the relationship that developed between her and Mom over the last few years. Gerry summed it all up with the following contribution -
'Hi, my name is Gerry – I am one of Aunt Ivy’s ‘girls’
What do you do when
you live in a shoe?
If you are Aunt Ivy and you have a brother with three
children who are suddenly without a wife and mother, you take them in until
they are healed and ready to stand on their own two feet again.
What do you do when
you live in a shoe?
If you are Ivy Mae Down and you lose your husband before you
have a chance to grow old together, you pick yourself up and you carry on
because you have four children who still need your love and guidance.
What do you do when
you live in a shoe?
If you are Mother Down and you lose a son and a daughter you
still have to keep carrying on because you still have two more children to hold
and love.
What do you do when
you live in a shoe?
If you are Ivy Down and you fall and break a hip and
shoulder at the same time and you are facing a long road back to health, you
use every ounce of willpower and determination to get yourself back to as good
as new as possible so that you can get back to your family and friends as soon
as you can…just in case they need you.
I think the phrase “what do you do when you live in a shoe?”
was one of the sayings I most often heard from Aunt Ivy. To me it always embodied Aunt Ivy’s belief
that life will throw you curve balls from time to time, but you just have to
keep picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and doing the best that you can
with the circumstances in which you find yourself.
We will all have our own fond memories of Ivy, Mum, Grandma,
or Aunt Ivy. I hope that we can all
remember the kind, generous, loving soul that was a part of our lives and take
a page from her book, “What do you do
when you live in a shoe?” In today’s
vernacular, “keep calm and carry on”.'
Next my nephew Joel sang the song 'He', which had very special meaning for him and for our family. When my sister Carol (Joel's mother) was about 15 she discovered this song and she was requested to sing it at several events. Joel was unaware that this was 'Carol's song' when he discovered it at about the age of 17. Since the first time I heard him sing it, it has touched me that he unknowingly shared this special song with his mother.
Following Joel's song, the other 5 grandsons joined Joel on the platform and, from oldest to youngest, they each gave a tribute to 'Grandma'. I hadn't realized until the funeral just how many sayings my Mom had but each of them seemed to bring out another one and a different facet of who 'Grandma' was.
I had asked if the great
grandchildren could contribute some of their art to honour Mom - they
exceeded the request, here is the beautiful artwork from the 'greats' -
We closed with the hymn 'Great is Thy Faithfulness'. I chose this hymn as the last time I brought Mom to church we sang this sang as a congregation and she sang along so enthusiastically; she 'owned' each word as she sang.
We were so blessed after the interment to have a more than abundant lunch provided and prepared by dear friends.. Jane's comment in sending me a picture of the prepared food was a blessing also -
'I am sending you a picture of what we made just for fun as it all looked so plentiful, I think your Mom would have been proud to serve it to her friends and family.'
I think Jane is right.
God is good!
Take care, everyone.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Making Arrangements
During the morning of September 30th I mostly slept. Rod called about mid-morning and was quite broken up that he had not been there for me, I tried to reassure him that all was OK. Gayle had texted me and told me that when I was ready her and Wade would bring over some Tim Horton's coffee - no pressure, just a wonderful kind offer. I had an appointment at the funeral home for Tuesday afternoon and they had sent an email regarding what I would need to bring for the appointment. One of the items on the list was a set of clothing for my Mom, which would mean making a trip out to the lodge.
Caleb contacted me and said he was out and did I need anything. I had been sent a recent photo by my cousin Gerry and I also had a photo of Caleb, Jordan and Kenny in a group hug with Mom that I liked. I asked if he could print copies of these photos for me, I would need them for the appointment next day also.
Wade and Gayle and Caleb and Leisha arrived about the same time. As well as coffee, Gayle brought food to feed a small army. We visited for a bit. I was pretty tired and was happy to have Wade and Gayle drive me out to the lodge, rather than drive there myself. I really enjoyed the conversation we had there and back.
At the lodge I informed the staff of Mom's passing and, while Wade waited downstairs in the lobby, Gayle and I went to Mom's room to collect what was needed followed by a trip to her mailbox to collect recent mail.
Once home, we visited for a while longer before they left - I was a very poor hostess but they didn't seem to mind that - maybe they were used to this from my chemo days. Just after they left, Jane stopped by with a food package. What a blessing to be able to quickly and easily have a meal for Kenny and myself and anyone else who showed up over the next several days.
That evening I used an app on my iPad called 'Paperless' to make a folder for the funeral arrangements and lists of things that I needed to do and then prioritized the items. I started to try to piece together different events and timing in my Mom's life and realized that I should have paid more attention to details and dates than I had. It felt good to have the lists made and a bit of a plan and I made it an early night that night.
Tuesday I had arranged to pick up my brother, Ken and take him to the funeral home with me in the afternoon. The days are a bit of a blur now but Ev and Deb came over that morning. When they walked in I had not eaten breakfast yet and had just taken a second load of towels out of the dryer, both loads were sitting unfolded on my family room sectional. They set about folding towels while I made myself breakfast and gave them a bit of Gayle's baking. Ev had brought a lazy cabbage roll casserole to add to my food supply. We went for a lovely walk along the ridge of Fish Creek park - very enjoyable, both the view, the walk and the company. After that I needed to have some bloodwork done prior to picking Ken up.
I prayed about the appointment at the funeral home. I wanted to have a nice funeral for Mom but I also wanted to stay within a reasonable budget. The funeral director that we met with was wonderful. As we discussed things, there were several items like doing Mom's hair that were supposed to be charged for that she crossed out and said they would do anyways. Ken chose the flowers and colours for the casket spray as well as the design of the stationery that would be used for the memorial book and thank you cards. Once all the decisions were made the funeral director took the clothes we had brought as well as the pictures and when she came back she had an itemized list of expenses and another bag. I looked at the final price and was very thankful that it would work within the budget I had made. Once I gave my approval, she reached for the bag and handed it to me saying 'and you don't have to worry about supper tonight, here is a frozen lasagna for you'. It was quite a large lasagna, almost as large as Ken's eyes when he saw it. I was happy to hand it over to him, I had already been blessed by all the food received from friends, it was nice that Ken could have this package.
I won't go into each of the days prior to the funeral individually, I did meet with the cemetery on Wednesday a.m. and made a trip to Costco in preparation for Justin and Leah's arrival with our grandchildren. Rod was delayed a day in returning as they had been held up at the Mexican/California border (I told him I hoped this wasn't literal). This meant they missed their flight and weren't able to get out until the next morning, he arrived home Wednesday afternoon. I also had the last Herceptin infusion on Thursday at noon. As I turned each day over to the Lord, He met my needs and everything was falling into place very well for the funeral on Friday.
Take care, everyone.
Caleb contacted me and said he was out and did I need anything. I had been sent a recent photo by my cousin Gerry and I also had a photo of Caleb, Jordan and Kenny in a group hug with Mom that I liked. I asked if he could print copies of these photos for me, I would need them for the appointment next day also.
Wade and Gayle and Caleb and Leisha arrived about the same time. As well as coffee, Gayle brought food to feed a small army. We visited for a bit. I was pretty tired and was happy to have Wade and Gayle drive me out to the lodge, rather than drive there myself. I really enjoyed the conversation we had there and back.
At the lodge I informed the staff of Mom's passing and, while Wade waited downstairs in the lobby, Gayle and I went to Mom's room to collect what was needed followed by a trip to her mailbox to collect recent mail.
Once home, we visited for a while longer before they left - I was a very poor hostess but they didn't seem to mind that - maybe they were used to this from my chemo days. Just after they left, Jane stopped by with a food package. What a blessing to be able to quickly and easily have a meal for Kenny and myself and anyone else who showed up over the next several days.
That evening I used an app on my iPad called 'Paperless' to make a folder for the funeral arrangements and lists of things that I needed to do and then prioritized the items. I started to try to piece together different events and timing in my Mom's life and realized that I should have paid more attention to details and dates than I had. It felt good to have the lists made and a bit of a plan and I made it an early night that night.
Tuesday I had arranged to pick up my brother, Ken and take him to the funeral home with me in the afternoon. The days are a bit of a blur now but Ev and Deb came over that morning. When they walked in I had not eaten breakfast yet and had just taken a second load of towels out of the dryer, both loads were sitting unfolded on my family room sectional. They set about folding towels while I made myself breakfast and gave them a bit of Gayle's baking. Ev had brought a lazy cabbage roll casserole to add to my food supply. We went for a lovely walk along the ridge of Fish Creek park - very enjoyable, both the view, the walk and the company. After that I needed to have some bloodwork done prior to picking Ken up.
I prayed about the appointment at the funeral home. I wanted to have a nice funeral for Mom but I also wanted to stay within a reasonable budget. The funeral director that we met with was wonderful. As we discussed things, there were several items like doing Mom's hair that were supposed to be charged for that she crossed out and said they would do anyways. Ken chose the flowers and colours for the casket spray as well as the design of the stationery that would be used for the memorial book and thank you cards. Once all the decisions were made the funeral director took the clothes we had brought as well as the pictures and when she came back she had an itemized list of expenses and another bag. I looked at the final price and was very thankful that it would work within the budget I had made. Once I gave my approval, she reached for the bag and handed it to me saying 'and you don't have to worry about supper tonight, here is a frozen lasagna for you'. It was quite a large lasagna, almost as large as Ken's eyes when he saw it. I was happy to hand it over to him, I had already been blessed by all the food received from friends, it was nice that Ken could have this package.
I won't go into each of the days prior to the funeral individually, I did meet with the cemetery on Wednesday a.m. and made a trip to Costco in preparation for Justin and Leah's arrival with our grandchildren. Rod was delayed a day in returning as they had been held up at the Mexican/California border (I told him I hoped this wasn't literal). This meant they missed their flight and weren't able to get out until the next morning, he arrived home Wednesday afternoon. I also had the last Herceptin infusion on Thursday at noon. As I turned each day over to the Lord, He met my needs and everything was falling into place very well for the funeral on Friday.
Take care, everyone.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Mom - Part 3
When Caleb and I reached Unit 64 with Mom and the porter, we were taken into a very large private room at the end of the unit, away from all the noise and busyness. The charge nurse came up to me as two other nurses settled Mom in and, just as the hospitalist had done, assured me that they would give Mom the best compassionate care and not to hesitate to ask for anything we needed. There was a chair that could be pulled out into a cot as well as two other chairs and a stool. I pulled one chair and the stool over by Mom's bed and settled in beside her, holding her hand. I had my iPad with me and I have a playlist of songs that I have used many times over the last year and a half for strength and comfort. As one of the songs began to play, Faith to be Strong by Andrew Peterson, Caleb seemed to especially like it and asked who the artist was. It is actually a group called that name, not sure why they only chose one member's name but they have several songs that I enjoy listening to. We sat there together with Mom, listening to the music, surrounded by God's presence and a wonderful peace.
As the evening wore on Dan and Ev stopped by. Dan read Psalm 91 to my mother and then prayed, they hugged Caleb and I and then left. Shortly after, I suggested to Caleb that I was fine and that he could also go. He asked if I needed anything and we arranged for a couple of blankets and pillows for me, then he left. The nurse that was caring for Mom was excellent, she treated her as if she was her own family member and also treated me with great kindness. One of the nurses that came in with her during the night to help care for Mom commented that she was enjoying my music.
Mom was being suctioned and turned about every two hours but it seemed that by about 2:30 a.m. she was requiring suctioning more often. Some labwork was drawn about 3:00 a.m. About 3:40 I was debating whether to wait until the nurses were due to come in at 4 or whether I should ask them to come and suction then. As I was debating this, Mom just didn't take the next breath. My hand was on her pulse which also stopped right at that moment; her passing was that easy and peaceful. I asked the Lord to take her hand as I let go of it, then I called the nurse. Two of them came in and they verified that Mom had passed. They were very considerate and told me to take all the time I wanted with Mom and when I was ready that I could come out to the desk.
When I was finished saying goodbye I went to the desk, called the funeral home, thanked the nurses and then made my way to the parking lot and drove home. Once home at about 6 a.m. I sent some texts, emails and facebook messages before crawling into bed to rest.
I'll end this post with an excerpt from Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional - October 11th -
...Though I have brought many pleasures into your life, not one of them is essential. Receive My blessings with open hands. Enjoy My good gifts, but do not cling to them. Turn your attention to the Giver of all good things, and rest in the knowledge that you are complete in Me. The one thing you absolutely need is the one thing you can never lose: My presence with you.
There is that word 'rest' once again. Those times where I learned to rest and to trust, especially in the last year, were a good foundation for that day and the days that have followed. While I missed Mom and also was missing having Rod there beside me to help me through everything, I was very aware of God's presence and His peace surrounding me.
Take care, everyone.
As the evening wore on Dan and Ev stopped by. Dan read Psalm 91 to my mother and then prayed, they hugged Caleb and I and then left. Shortly after, I suggested to Caleb that I was fine and that he could also go. He asked if I needed anything and we arranged for a couple of blankets and pillows for me, then he left. The nurse that was caring for Mom was excellent, she treated her as if she was her own family member and also treated me with great kindness. One of the nurses that came in with her during the night to help care for Mom commented that she was enjoying my music.
Mom was being suctioned and turned about every two hours but it seemed that by about 2:30 a.m. she was requiring suctioning more often. Some labwork was drawn about 3:00 a.m. About 3:40 I was debating whether to wait until the nurses were due to come in at 4 or whether I should ask them to come and suction then. As I was debating this, Mom just didn't take the next breath. My hand was on her pulse which also stopped right at that moment; her passing was that easy and peaceful. I asked the Lord to take her hand as I let go of it, then I called the nurse. Two of them came in and they verified that Mom had passed. They were very considerate and told me to take all the time I wanted with Mom and when I was ready that I could come out to the desk.
When I was finished saying goodbye I went to the desk, called the funeral home, thanked the nurses and then made my way to the parking lot and drove home. Once home at about 6 a.m. I sent some texts, emails and facebook messages before crawling into bed to rest.
I'll end this post with an excerpt from Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional - October 11th -
...Though I have brought many pleasures into your life, not one of them is essential. Receive My blessings with open hands. Enjoy My good gifts, but do not cling to them. Turn your attention to the Giver of all good things, and rest in the knowledge that you are complete in Me. The one thing you absolutely need is the one thing you can never lose: My presence with you.
There is that word 'rest' once again. Those times where I learned to rest and to trust, especially in the last year, were a good foundation for that day and the days that have followed. While I missed Mom and also was missing having Rod there beside me to help me through everything, I was very aware of God's presence and His peace surrounding me.
Take care, everyone.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Mom - Part 2
Just before the emergency room physician called me as I was driving I had been going over in my mind how this new fall of Mom's might impact me, my work, family, the recovery process etc. Kind of selfish, eh? I had just prayed and turned over all my concerns to the Lord and asked for His peace and strength when the physician called. A very timely prayer!
After speaking to the physician I tried calling some of my family members as I drove, using bluetooth. I wasn't having much luck but was able to leave voice messages for them. The first person to answer my call was my friend Robin, just as I was pulling into the hospital parking lot. I was a little emotional to hear a voice and have someone to talk to, she was very wonderful and supportive.
The emergency area is under renovation and the entrance was not where I was used to, it took a little to figure out where I needed to go. There were no patients waiting at the triage desk and I was able to speak to the clerk at the desk right away. It was rather confusing to be told by her that my Mom wasn't registered to their area. Just as I was going to turn away a nurse came up and told her that my mother was the 'unknown' patient that was in the trauma area. When a patient arrives and is unconscious and there is no one there to positiviely identify them they use an unknown patient package to expedite care; once the patient is positively identified their information in the computer system is updated.
I was taken back to the trauma area, the nurse had explained to me how I would find my mother - she was on a heart monitor, she was intubated and on a ventilator and she had a nasogastric tube and IV. I told them that I would be able to identify her for Patient Registration so they could update her in the system and then the emergency room doctor came in. He explained that neurosurgery and neurology had both assessed her and there was nothing they could do. He asked if I would like to see her CT scan. I was able to tell him that Mom and I had discussed life support after her first fall and it was not something that she wanted - in her words 'no heroic measures'.
I asked the physician if they would give me a little time to contact my family members as well as the elders of our church prior to removing her from life support. All the staff there were wonderful and very agreeable to this. No one gave me the impression that they were rushing me, even though the emergency department happened to be full. I managed to contact everyone and, just as I was finished doing this, I received a text from Robin telling me she was in the waiting room.
How wonderful to go out and see her and receive a big hug. We sat and talked for a few minutes, she had taken time out of her day to come over even though she was having a family dinner at her house that afternoon. What an incredible friend! I encouraged her to go back and enjoy her family and as we were walking along together I saw my brother at the desk and introduced him and Robin.
I took my brother back, explaining as I had been explained to previously how he would find Mom. Not too long afterwards my two cousins arrived with my aunt, followed by two of the elders from our church. Caleb, Leisha and Paisley were next to arrive as the elders were praying with Mom.
My brother Ken said his goodbyes to Mom and left as he did not want to be there when they extubated her. I informed the physician that we were ready. They took us into a larger trauma area that they had set up chairs for us in. We waited there until they brought Mom in on a stretcher. The nasogastric tube had been removed, she was off the ventilator and being bagged and no longer on a heart monitor. The physician explained that they had given her a little morphine intravenously to ensure she was comfortable. A social worker arrived with a 'compassion cart' that had coffee and water as well as cookies and parking passes for all in the room. Once again, I was very impressed by the professionalism, care and concern that all the staff treated us with. The physician removed the tube, I was holding Mom's hand and watching the pulse in her neck. After about three minutes she started to breathe on her own. The staff were in and out but not obtrusive during this time. After a period of time the physician told me that Mom's heart was strong and that it may take a day or two so they would have the hospitalist come assess and admit her.
When the hospitalist arrived, it was the same wonderful hospitalist who had cared for her for most of the previous summer when she had been hospitalized for four months. He had recognized her name and also remembered me. He explained that he would admit her to a private room and that she would receive the best compassionate care. He expressed his condolences and shortly afterwards the porter arrived to take her to her room. The others had gradually left towards the approach of evening so it was Caleb and myself that accompanied her to the private room.
This is enough for another post, I will continue in Mom - Part 3.
Take care everyone.
After speaking to the physician I tried calling some of my family members as I drove, using bluetooth. I wasn't having much luck but was able to leave voice messages for them. The first person to answer my call was my friend Robin, just as I was pulling into the hospital parking lot. I was a little emotional to hear a voice and have someone to talk to, she was very wonderful and supportive.
The emergency area is under renovation and the entrance was not where I was used to, it took a little to figure out where I needed to go. There were no patients waiting at the triage desk and I was able to speak to the clerk at the desk right away. It was rather confusing to be told by her that my Mom wasn't registered to their area. Just as I was going to turn away a nurse came up and told her that my mother was the 'unknown' patient that was in the trauma area. When a patient arrives and is unconscious and there is no one there to positiviely identify them they use an unknown patient package to expedite care; once the patient is positively identified their information in the computer system is updated.
I was taken back to the trauma area, the nurse had explained to me how I would find my mother - she was on a heart monitor, she was intubated and on a ventilator and she had a nasogastric tube and IV. I told them that I would be able to identify her for Patient Registration so they could update her in the system and then the emergency room doctor came in. He explained that neurosurgery and neurology had both assessed her and there was nothing they could do. He asked if I would like to see her CT scan. I was able to tell him that Mom and I had discussed life support after her first fall and it was not something that she wanted - in her words 'no heroic measures'.
I asked the physician if they would give me a little time to contact my family members as well as the elders of our church prior to removing her from life support. All the staff there were wonderful and very agreeable to this. No one gave me the impression that they were rushing me, even though the emergency department happened to be full. I managed to contact everyone and, just as I was finished doing this, I received a text from Robin telling me she was in the waiting room.
How wonderful to go out and see her and receive a big hug. We sat and talked for a few minutes, she had taken time out of her day to come over even though she was having a family dinner at her house that afternoon. What an incredible friend! I encouraged her to go back and enjoy her family and as we were walking along together I saw my brother at the desk and introduced him and Robin.
I took my brother back, explaining as I had been explained to previously how he would find Mom. Not too long afterwards my two cousins arrived with my aunt, followed by two of the elders from our church. Caleb, Leisha and Paisley were next to arrive as the elders were praying with Mom.
My brother Ken said his goodbyes to Mom and left as he did not want to be there when they extubated her. I informed the physician that we were ready. They took us into a larger trauma area that they had set up chairs for us in. We waited there until they brought Mom in on a stretcher. The nasogastric tube had been removed, she was off the ventilator and being bagged and no longer on a heart monitor. The physician explained that they had given her a little morphine intravenously to ensure she was comfortable. A social worker arrived with a 'compassion cart' that had coffee and water as well as cookies and parking passes for all in the room. Once again, I was very impressed by the professionalism, care and concern that all the staff treated us with. The physician removed the tube, I was holding Mom's hand and watching the pulse in her neck. After about three minutes she started to breathe on her own. The staff were in and out but not obtrusive during this time. After a period of time the physician told me that Mom's heart was strong and that it may take a day or two so they would have the hospitalist come assess and admit her.
When the hospitalist arrived, it was the same wonderful hospitalist who had cared for her for most of the previous summer when she had been hospitalized for four months. He had recognized her name and also remembered me. He explained that he would admit her to a private room and that she would receive the best compassionate care. He expressed his condolences and shortly afterwards the porter arrived to take her to her room. The others had gradually left towards the approach of evening so it was Caleb and myself that accompanied her to the private room.
This is enough for another post, I will continue in Mom - Part 3.
Take care everyone.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Abiding
This evening I'm sharing a very meaningful devotion for me from the entry for October 6th 'Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional', -
Remember that Joy is not dependent on your circumstances. Some of the world's most miserable people are those whose circumstances seem the most enviable. People who reach the top of the ladder career-wise are often surprised to find emptiness awaiting them. True Joy is a by-product of living in My Presence. Therefore you can experience it in palaces, in prisons . . . anywhere.
Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties. Instead, concentrate on staying in communication with Me. Many of the problems that clamor for your attention will resolve themselves. Other matters you must deal with, but I will help you with them. If you make problem-solving secondary to the goal of living close to Me, you can find Joy even in your most difficult days.
This is all I have energy for at end of day today, fatigue is still very much a factor to be worked around.
With God's help, I am gradually dealing with the matters that must be dealt with during this time and finding unexpected sources of Joy in the process.
Hopefully tomorrow I will continue with the posts I have promised.
Take care everyone.
Remember that Joy is not dependent on your circumstances. Some of the world's most miserable people are those whose circumstances seem the most enviable. People who reach the top of the ladder career-wise are often surprised to find emptiness awaiting them. True Joy is a by-product of living in My Presence. Therefore you can experience it in palaces, in prisons . . . anywhere.
Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties. Instead, concentrate on staying in communication with Me. Many of the problems that clamor for your attention will resolve themselves. Other matters you must deal with, but I will help you with them. If you make problem-solving secondary to the goal of living close to Me, you can find Joy even in your most difficult days.
This is all I have energy for at end of day today, fatigue is still very much a factor to be worked around.
With God's help, I am gradually dealing with the matters that must be dealt with during this time and finding unexpected sources of Joy in the process.
Hopefully tomorrow I will continue with the posts I have promised.
Take care everyone.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Mom Part 1
My last visit with my mother was a quick one on Wednesday, September 25th. She had just received her deluxe new wheelchair and was very pleased with it. This meant that I was now able to return the loaner wheelchair and some other equipment back to the Red Cross. The Red Cross program was an invaluable help in providing medical equipment at short notice until other arrangements could be made through AADL (Alberta Aids to Daily Living). I have been most impressed with them.
While there, I put her clean wash away, checked out her fancy new wheels, gathered up the new items to wash, the Red Cross wheelchair and was on my way. She looked a little sad as I left, I know she was wishing that I had a little more time to stay and visit.
On Thursday, Rod left for Los Angeles. He had received an exciting invitation to act as a mechanic for a customer who was in a race that went down the California coast into Mexico. He was scheduled to return from the race on Tuesday, October 1st. I spent the evening doing homework for the next days activities, described below.
I attended the Recovery Group at the Breast Cancer Supportive Care Foundation on Friday a.m.. This is a twelve week program for ten that is based on the book 'Picking Up the Pieces - Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer' by Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo. I have mentioned the book in a previous post regarding a program I attended at Wellsprings. I'm not sure why, but it was a little disconcerting to find out that I was placed in what is called the 'Older Women's Group' there, I must have been in a real good denial about my age. When I walked in the first time it was a bit of a shock to realize I fit in.
Following the Recovery Group, I drove over to work and had a new application loaded on my laptop that would ease my ability to work from home, then I was off to the University for part two of my one year followup testing for the Amber Research Study (Alberta Moving Beyond Breast Cancer) that I was recruited last year as a participant in. The week before I had gone through the treadmill part of the testing as well as core strength, flexibility testing and height, weight and other measurements.
This week consisted of handing in the questionnaires I had been given as homework, having a DEXA-scan to measure bone density, balance testing, range of motion of my operative and non-operative arms and then the dreaded arm and leg presses. I well remembered how sore my legs were last year and wasn't looking forward to the after effects this time.
Once the testing was completed, I drove home and I don't think I even had the energy to make supper, let alone eat it, I can't remember doing so anyway. I know I was thankful that I was on my own that evening and I took full advantage of it.
Saturday morning I called Mom and asked if she needed anything for our planned visit the next morning. I have learned that it doesn't matter what age most women are, they still like to look their best and my Mom was no exception. She asked if I could pick her up some new lipstick and blush (or rouge as she called it). She was very specific in the colours and brands she wanted, to the extent that she took the phone with her into the washroom to check the containers. I spent the morning gathering together the makings of a baby shower present for the next afternoon, stopped and picked up Mom's makeup and then a few groceries.
Once home, Caleb, Paisley and Charlie arrived for our pre-arranged afternoon date while Leisha attended a baby shower herself. Paisley was not a very happy baby that afternoon and we ended up going for quite a long walk during which she eventually fell asleep. We have since realized that she was cutting two teeth during this time - a good reason to be a little fussy.
When Leisha was ready, Caleb picked her up and brought her back to our house where we had a nice visit over supper. Once they left, I made it an early night.
Sunday morning I allowed myself a little lie-in, having my breakfast smoothie and coffee in bed while reading. I was just going to help myself to a second cup of coffee before getting ready to go see Mom when the phone rang. It was Mom's lodge. I was informed that she had fallen again and that she had hurt her left leg. They said that they were taking her to the Foothills Hospital. I was by now used to calls like this from the lodge and decided that I would quickly get ready for the baby shower, go see Mom and make sure all was OK (whether this meant an admission or going back to the lodge) and then try to make it to the baby shower.
Everything changed as I was driving to the hospital and received a phone call from the emergency room physician. He told me that Mom was in very grave condition and her prognosis was not good. He explained that she had suffered a massive intra-parenchymal bleed, it was suspected the bleed caused the fall, not the other way around. Neurosurgery was going to come and assess her, in the meantime she was on life support. I was a little stunned - this did not sound like the injured leg I was expecting. I even wondered if they may have mixed up their patients.
I will continue the story in my next post.
Take care everyone.
While there, I put her clean wash away, checked out her fancy new wheels, gathered up the new items to wash, the Red Cross wheelchair and was on my way. She looked a little sad as I left, I know she was wishing that I had a little more time to stay and visit.
On Thursday, Rod left for Los Angeles. He had received an exciting invitation to act as a mechanic for a customer who was in a race that went down the California coast into Mexico. He was scheduled to return from the race on Tuesday, October 1st. I spent the evening doing homework for the next days activities, described below.
I attended the Recovery Group at the Breast Cancer Supportive Care Foundation on Friday a.m.. This is a twelve week program for ten that is based on the book 'Picking Up the Pieces - Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer' by Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo. I have mentioned the book in a previous post regarding a program I attended at Wellsprings. I'm not sure why, but it was a little disconcerting to find out that I was placed in what is called the 'Older Women's Group' there, I must have been in a real good denial about my age. When I walked in the first time it was a bit of a shock to realize I fit in.
Following the Recovery Group, I drove over to work and had a new application loaded on my laptop that would ease my ability to work from home, then I was off to the University for part two of my one year followup testing for the Amber Research Study (Alberta Moving Beyond Breast Cancer) that I was recruited last year as a participant in. The week before I had gone through the treadmill part of the testing as well as core strength, flexibility testing and height, weight and other measurements.
This week consisted of handing in the questionnaires I had been given as homework, having a DEXA-scan to measure bone density, balance testing, range of motion of my operative and non-operative arms and then the dreaded arm and leg presses. I well remembered how sore my legs were last year and wasn't looking forward to the after effects this time.
Once the testing was completed, I drove home and I don't think I even had the energy to make supper, let alone eat it, I can't remember doing so anyway. I know I was thankful that I was on my own that evening and I took full advantage of it.
Saturday morning I called Mom and asked if she needed anything for our planned visit the next morning. I have learned that it doesn't matter what age most women are, they still like to look their best and my Mom was no exception. She asked if I could pick her up some new lipstick and blush (or rouge as she called it). She was very specific in the colours and brands she wanted, to the extent that she took the phone with her into the washroom to check the containers. I spent the morning gathering together the makings of a baby shower present for the next afternoon, stopped and picked up Mom's makeup and then a few groceries.
Once home, Caleb, Paisley and Charlie arrived for our pre-arranged afternoon date while Leisha attended a baby shower herself. Paisley was not a very happy baby that afternoon and we ended up going for quite a long walk during which she eventually fell asleep. We have since realized that she was cutting two teeth during this time - a good reason to be a little fussy.
When Leisha was ready, Caleb picked her up and brought her back to our house where we had a nice visit over supper. Once they left, I made it an early night.
Sunday morning I allowed myself a little lie-in, having my breakfast smoothie and coffee in bed while reading. I was just going to help myself to a second cup of coffee before getting ready to go see Mom when the phone rang. It was Mom's lodge. I was informed that she had fallen again and that she had hurt her left leg. They said that they were taking her to the Foothills Hospital. I was by now used to calls like this from the lodge and decided that I would quickly get ready for the baby shower, go see Mom and make sure all was OK (whether this meant an admission or going back to the lodge) and then try to make it to the baby shower.
Everything changed as I was driving to the hospital and received a phone call from the emergency room physician. He told me that Mom was in very grave condition and her prognosis was not good. He explained that she had suffered a massive intra-parenchymal bleed, it was suspected the bleed caused the fall, not the other way around. Neurosurgery was going to come and assess her, in the meantime she was on life support. I was a little stunned - this did not sound like the injured leg I was expecting. I even wondered if they may have mixed up their patients.
I will continue the story in my next post.
Take care everyone.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Endings
It seems appropriate that I am starting this post from the chemo chair where I am having my last Herceptin treatment.
I have titled this post 'Endings' as I also said goodbye to my Mother early Monday a.m., September 30th, 2013. Her funeral will be tomorrow.
It has been a week - in all honesty - it has been quite a year and a bit. I am very thankful to be having my last Herceptin today, I am looking forward to getting over the side effects and then, hopefully regaining more energy and moving on with life.
I plan to write a few posts over the next few weeks to relate the experiences of the past couple of days/weeks.
For now, I will go and ring that bell at the chemo desk to signify one very important ending in my life.
Take care everyone.
I have titled this post 'Endings' as I also said goodbye to my Mother early Monday a.m., September 30th, 2013. Her funeral will be tomorrow.
It has been a week - in all honesty - it has been quite a year and a bit. I am very thankful to be having my last Herceptin today, I am looking forward to getting over the side effects and then, hopefully regaining more energy and moving on with life.
I plan to write a few posts over the next few weeks to relate the experiences of the past couple of days/weeks.
For now, I will go and ring that bell at the chemo desk to signify one very important ending in my life.
Take care everyone.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Energy Management
It has been a very long time since my last post. The summer was busy, a few of the highlights included having my sister-in-law Carol, 'sister' Ev and my niece Amanda here to meet Paisley - the visit facilitated the first meeting of Paisley and the great Grandma's. Paisley was definitely the 'queen of hearts' that day :)
Justin, Leah and kids arrived the week after for a vacation here which included the Spartans Obstacle course for Justin and Leah and a couple of their friends. I am very proud of all of them for entering, following through with their training and with the race. They had excellent results. During the time they were here we also celebrated Rod and Justin's birthdays and had a Meet and Greet so our friends could get to know Leisha and Paisley. I had a very special and very accomplished little helper Sunday morning in preparing for the Meet and Greet - Keiran really knows his way around the kitchen!
It was so nice to have the garden for both visits and good weather throughout. Lilly spent many hours outside in it and formally invited me (written invitations, no less) into her world there a few times. I will treasure the tea parties we had, complete with wonderful conversations and beautiful gap-toothed smiles. Speaking of beautiful smiles, when Forrest smiles it is like the sun comes out, they are that brilliant. I would also be remiss if I did not mention the first sweet Paisley smiles I have had the pleasure of receiving over the last month.
Life is good.
My hours at work are gradually increasing. My co-workers have been very patient with me. I enjoy going into work and feeling that, in some small way, I may be contributing. My energy levels continue to be a frustration for me though and I have had to re-read previous posts on this blog, especially those regarding resting.
For anyone who knows me well, asking for help is not my forte. Recently, I had to do just that and I was wonderfully blessed to have my sister Ev take on the 'daughter' role with my Mom for a week. I could rest easy knowing that Mom's physical and social needs were very well taken care of. What a blessing!
I now know why there are entire companies devoted to energy management and conservation ;) - it can be a huge undertaking, one that I appear to be a novice at given current energy stores - or lack thereof. I sincerely hope that once the Herceptin infusions are history that my energy levels bounce back a little more - until then, as my friend Robin reminds me 'It is what it is'.
It is not helpful at the moment to be told stories of other people who seem to have sailed through their treatments, whatever their treatments may have been and have now resumed their 'normal lives'. It seems we are all different in how our bodies respond/react and treatments can vary. I certainly never would have anticipated I would feel this way this far along in this journey.
Which brings me once again to today's reading in the book Jesus Calling -
Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that, I mean not only the circumstances of the day but the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition seem out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives - Giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you climb out of the mire of disappointment. I will
infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day. Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence.
Take care, everyone.
Justin, Leah and kids arrived the week after for a vacation here which included the Spartans Obstacle course for Justin and Leah and a couple of their friends. I am very proud of all of them for entering, following through with their training and with the race. They had excellent results. During the time they were here we also celebrated Rod and Justin's birthdays and had a Meet and Greet so our friends could get to know Leisha and Paisley. I had a very special and very accomplished little helper Sunday morning in preparing for the Meet and Greet - Keiran really knows his way around the kitchen!
It was so nice to have the garden for both visits and good weather throughout. Lilly spent many hours outside in it and formally invited me (written invitations, no less) into her world there a few times. I will treasure the tea parties we had, complete with wonderful conversations and beautiful gap-toothed smiles. Speaking of beautiful smiles, when Forrest smiles it is like the sun comes out, they are that brilliant. I would also be remiss if I did not mention the first sweet Paisley smiles I have had the pleasure of receiving over the last month.
Life is good.
My hours at work are gradually increasing. My co-workers have been very patient with me. I enjoy going into work and feeling that, in some small way, I may be contributing. My energy levels continue to be a frustration for me though and I have had to re-read previous posts on this blog, especially those regarding resting.
For anyone who knows me well, asking for help is not my forte. Recently, I had to do just that and I was wonderfully blessed to have my sister Ev take on the 'daughter' role with my Mom for a week. I could rest easy knowing that Mom's physical and social needs were very well taken care of. What a blessing!
I now know why there are entire companies devoted to energy management and conservation ;) - it can be a huge undertaking, one that I appear to be a novice at given current energy stores - or lack thereof. I sincerely hope that once the Herceptin infusions are history that my energy levels bounce back a little more - until then, as my friend Robin reminds me 'It is what it is'.
It is not helpful at the moment to be told stories of other people who seem to have sailed through their treatments, whatever their treatments may have been and have now resumed their 'normal lives'. It seems we are all different in how our bodies respond/react and treatments can vary. I certainly never would have anticipated I would feel this way this far along in this journey.
Which brings me once again to today's reading in the book Jesus Calling -
Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that, I mean not only the circumstances of the day but the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition seem out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives - Giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you climb out of the mire of disappointment. I will
infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day. Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence.
Take care, everyone.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Recharging
Today has been a dull and cloudy day with rain. I still seem to be feeling the effects of last Thursday's Herceptin and my energy reserves need a good recharging.
While I am in the 'transitioning back to work' phase I am meeting with my doctor for 15 minutes every two weeks so we can take stock of how I am progressing. When I met with her on Tuesday a.m. she was asking about my fatigue levels. As we talked I like the picture that she 'drew' for me. She told me to imagine myself as having a battery that had been severely depleted and now is needing recharging. Even though I 'plug' it in every night it may only be recharging to 25 - 50 percent at this point in time, so as I go about trying to resume my daily activities my energy reserves will still be depleted sooner as there are less to draw from. It sure rings true today!
I have retired for the evening about an hour ago and, with the weather the way it is and a few other happenings I was beginning to let myself become a little discouraged - especially as I looked ahead and realized life was only going to get busier. My thoughts were running in the direction of wondering 'what if' my energy levels never returned to 'normal', could I fit everything in?
I read ahead in the 'Jesus Calling' book by Sarah Young to August 10th and, once again, it helped me to re-direct my thoughts -
Relax in My healing holy Presence. Allow me to transform you through this time alone with Me. As your thoughts center more and more on Me, trust displaces fear and worry. Your mind is somewhat like a seesaw. As trust in Me goes up, fear and worry automatically go down. Time spent with Me not only increases your trust; it also helps you to discern what is important and what is not.
Energy and time are precious, limited entities. Therefore, you need to use them wisely, focusing on what is truly important. As you walk close to me, saturating your mind with Scripture, I will show you how to spend your time and energy. My Word is a lamp to your feet; My Presence is a Light for your path.
Guess I'll leave the 'what if's' with Him. Time to refocus yet again and recharge.
Goodnight, take care everyone.
While I am in the 'transitioning back to work' phase I am meeting with my doctor for 15 minutes every two weeks so we can take stock of how I am progressing. When I met with her on Tuesday a.m. she was asking about my fatigue levels. As we talked I like the picture that she 'drew' for me. She told me to imagine myself as having a battery that had been severely depleted and now is needing recharging. Even though I 'plug' it in every night it may only be recharging to 25 - 50 percent at this point in time, so as I go about trying to resume my daily activities my energy reserves will still be depleted sooner as there are less to draw from. It sure rings true today!
I have retired for the evening about an hour ago and, with the weather the way it is and a few other happenings I was beginning to let myself become a little discouraged - especially as I looked ahead and realized life was only going to get busier. My thoughts were running in the direction of wondering 'what if' my energy levels never returned to 'normal', could I fit everything in?
I read ahead in the 'Jesus Calling' book by Sarah Young to August 10th and, once again, it helped me to re-direct my thoughts -
Relax in My healing holy Presence. Allow me to transform you through this time alone with Me. As your thoughts center more and more on Me, trust displaces fear and worry. Your mind is somewhat like a seesaw. As trust in Me goes up, fear and worry automatically go down. Time spent with Me not only increases your trust; it also helps you to discern what is important and what is not.
Energy and time are precious, limited entities. Therefore, you need to use them wisely, focusing on what is truly important. As you walk close to me, saturating your mind with Scripture, I will show you how to spend your time and energy. My Word is a lamp to your feet; My Presence is a Light for your path.
Guess I'll leave the 'what if's' with Him. Time to refocus yet again and recharge.
Goodnight, take care everyone.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Life Lessons Learned (and Re-Learned)
In today's post I will try to sum up some of the life lessons I have been learning over the past year. I think in many ways I am probably still in pre-Kindergarten. ;)
I find as I am getting back to work and I have less 'free' time that I need to remind myself of some of these lessons learned, they are too valuable to forget. When I begin to feel stressed and things that I enjoy seem more like chores I know that I need to redirect and refocus my thoughts and activities.
Many of the talks that I have had with Norman over the past few months have had to do with my prayer that God would reflect His Beauty in and through every area of my life and the events since praying that prayer. While I have seen changes in many areas of my life, I will focus on my garden as an example.
I have never had a green thumb in the past and yet, following this prayer it seems that the Lord has been teaching me how to create beauty in my garden, and I have to say there can be no better instructor. When I go out to the garden without focusing on all the chores that need to be done and just enjoying 'creating beauty' I love it, there is no place I would rather be. First of all I drink in the beauty and I am so grateful for what I have. Then I notice where a few weeds are encroaching on an area and I get rid of them, observing that they come up so much easier when the ground is moist and well cultivated. I notice areas of plants that are over growing and need to be pruned back in order for the full plant to flourish and I set to work, always conscious of not being too overzealous in my pruning. I also notice that different areas of my garden work better for different plants and that it would be unrealistic for me to expect to put a plant requiring a certain environment in a location that had exactly the opposite conditions and expect it to grow as it should. I take careful inventory of what seems to be thriving and what doesn't and, after a period of time sometimes decide to move a plant, to change it's circumstances so to speak, in order to help it attain it's potential. I am also becoming more aware of the importance of diversity of colours, heights and textures of plants in creating beauty in my garden, how boring if all I had were straight rows of one colour of petunia.
When it is just me and the Lord creating the beauty in this area of my life then I do not feel the pressure to impress others with 'my abilities' or the results, the joy is in the process. I also don't feel pressure that everything has to be perfect or finished, I realize that it is a work in progress and I can rest in that. So many of these lessons can translate to living life, raising children, helping others etc. I know that my focus needs re-direction when I look at my garden and start to feel overwhelmed with all the work that needs to be done or invite others over and then worry about what they will think of 'my' work. My eyes seem to become more critical then and it seems they are drawn only to all that needs to be done or is not working and I lose my joy and I also lose my peace. My focus is not on what is best overall for the garden or the visit, for that matter, but on myself and either my inadequacies or an overinflated sense of my own abilities.
This leads me to a book that I finally found the time to read in the last month and that has blessed me and reinforced these lessons from my garden - it is called 'Freedom from Performing' by Becky Harling. I think, like many people, I have spent a lot of time trying to impress others, trying to be good enough or thinking that if I did more God and others would somehow love or accept me more.
What I am truly discovering for myself, not just 'head knowledge' but a deep knowing is that God's love for me (us) is unconditional and unchanging. There is nothing I can do to cause Him to love me any more than He already does - or any less. When I can incorporate this 'knowing' into my life then there is no pressure on me to 'be somebody', I can relax in that perfect love. I find that whatever the activity my focus is on God and I am free to experience the joy in the process, not in the outcome and not in any 'pats on the back' I might get or concern over what others think of me. I am less apt to act impulsively and I can rest in His love, leaving the outcome with Him.
One evening during this weekend I turned on the TV and an old MASH episode came on that seemed to sum this life lesson up well. I have later discovered that it was MASH Season 9, Episode 18 and featured Patrick Swayze playing Private Gary Sturges, an injured soldier whose brother was also in the MASH unit and requiring care and blood. Through the process of desiring to give blood to his brother, it was determined that he had leukemia, at the period of time that the show was set, basically a death sentence for him. I find it interesting that Patrick Swayze was later diagnosed and died from pancreatic cancer and wonder whether he ever reflected back on this episode during his illness.
Father Mulcahy was expecting a visit from a cardinal and was letting himself get very stressed about preparing for the visit. He wanted the other soldiers on the base to make him 'look good' and he was becoming very impatient and critical with them. He was scheduled to give a sermon to the troops with the Cardinal in attendance and, again, was trying to impress by what he would say, planning to spend a significant amount of time working on getting his words just right.
Right in the middle of all of this comes the drama of Private Sturges's diagnosis and Hawkeye's depression on having to tell him the news. Father Mulcahy is called to minister to both of them in the middle of the night. As he does this, focusing on their needs and not his own, he loses track of time. Suddenly, he is reminded of the Cardinal and others waiting for him and, with no time to change, heads over in his pajamas and robe.
This is what he said -
I want to tell you about two men. Each facing his own crisis. The first man you know rather well. The second is a patient here. Well, the first man thought he was facing a crisis. But what he was really doing was trying to impress someone. He was looking for recognition, encouragement, a pat on the back. And whenever that recognition seemed threatened he reacted rather childishly. Blamed everyone for his problems but himself because he was thinking only of himself. But the second man was confronted with the greatest crisis mortal man can face, the loss of his life. I think you will agree that the second man had every right to be selfish. But instead he chose to think not of himself, but of a brother. A brother! When the first man saw the dignity and the selflessness of the second man, he realized how petty and selfish he had...
I....
I...
I had been. It made me see something more clearly than I've ever seen it before. God didn't put us here for that pat on the back. He created us so He could be here Himself. So He could exist in the lives of those he created, in His image.
Take care, everyone.
I find as I am getting back to work and I have less 'free' time that I need to remind myself of some of these lessons learned, they are too valuable to forget. When I begin to feel stressed and things that I enjoy seem more like chores I know that I need to redirect and refocus my thoughts and activities.
Many of the talks that I have had with Norman over the past few months have had to do with my prayer that God would reflect His Beauty in and through every area of my life and the events since praying that prayer. While I have seen changes in many areas of my life, I will focus on my garden as an example.
I have never had a green thumb in the past and yet, following this prayer it seems that the Lord has been teaching me how to create beauty in my garden, and I have to say there can be no better instructor. When I go out to the garden without focusing on all the chores that need to be done and just enjoying 'creating beauty' I love it, there is no place I would rather be. First of all I drink in the beauty and I am so grateful for what I have. Then I notice where a few weeds are encroaching on an area and I get rid of them, observing that they come up so much easier when the ground is moist and well cultivated. I notice areas of plants that are over growing and need to be pruned back in order for the full plant to flourish and I set to work, always conscious of not being too overzealous in my pruning. I also notice that different areas of my garden work better for different plants and that it would be unrealistic for me to expect to put a plant requiring a certain environment in a location that had exactly the opposite conditions and expect it to grow as it should. I take careful inventory of what seems to be thriving and what doesn't and, after a period of time sometimes decide to move a plant, to change it's circumstances so to speak, in order to help it attain it's potential. I am also becoming more aware of the importance of diversity of colours, heights and textures of plants in creating beauty in my garden, how boring if all I had were straight rows of one colour of petunia.
When it is just me and the Lord creating the beauty in this area of my life then I do not feel the pressure to impress others with 'my abilities' or the results, the joy is in the process. I also don't feel pressure that everything has to be perfect or finished, I realize that it is a work in progress and I can rest in that. So many of these lessons can translate to living life, raising children, helping others etc. I know that my focus needs re-direction when I look at my garden and start to feel overwhelmed with all the work that needs to be done or invite others over and then worry about what they will think of 'my' work. My eyes seem to become more critical then and it seems they are drawn only to all that needs to be done or is not working and I lose my joy and I also lose my peace. My focus is not on what is best overall for the garden or the visit, for that matter, but on myself and either my inadequacies or an overinflated sense of my own abilities.
This leads me to a book that I finally found the time to read in the last month and that has blessed me and reinforced these lessons from my garden - it is called 'Freedom from Performing' by Becky Harling. I think, like many people, I have spent a lot of time trying to impress others, trying to be good enough or thinking that if I did more God and others would somehow love or accept me more.
What I am truly discovering for myself, not just 'head knowledge' but a deep knowing is that God's love for me (us) is unconditional and unchanging. There is nothing I can do to cause Him to love me any more than He already does - or any less. When I can incorporate this 'knowing' into my life then there is no pressure on me to 'be somebody', I can relax in that perfect love. I find that whatever the activity my focus is on God and I am free to experience the joy in the process, not in the outcome and not in any 'pats on the back' I might get or concern over what others think of me. I am less apt to act impulsively and I can rest in His love, leaving the outcome with Him.
One evening during this weekend I turned on the TV and an old MASH episode came on that seemed to sum this life lesson up well. I have later discovered that it was MASH Season 9, Episode 18 and featured Patrick Swayze playing Private Gary Sturges, an injured soldier whose brother was also in the MASH unit and requiring care and blood. Through the process of desiring to give blood to his brother, it was determined that he had leukemia, at the period of time that the show was set, basically a death sentence for him. I find it interesting that Patrick Swayze was later diagnosed and died from pancreatic cancer and wonder whether he ever reflected back on this episode during his illness.
Father Mulcahy was expecting a visit from a cardinal and was letting himself get very stressed about preparing for the visit. He wanted the other soldiers on the base to make him 'look good' and he was becoming very impatient and critical with them. He was scheduled to give a sermon to the troops with the Cardinal in attendance and, again, was trying to impress by what he would say, planning to spend a significant amount of time working on getting his words just right.
Right in the middle of all of this comes the drama of Private Sturges's diagnosis and Hawkeye's depression on having to tell him the news. Father Mulcahy is called to minister to both of them in the middle of the night. As he does this, focusing on their needs and not his own, he loses track of time. Suddenly, he is reminded of the Cardinal and others waiting for him and, with no time to change, heads over in his pajamas and robe.
This is what he said -
I want to tell you about two men. Each facing his own crisis. The first man you know rather well. The second is a patient here. Well, the first man thought he was facing a crisis. But what he was really doing was trying to impress someone. He was looking for recognition, encouragement, a pat on the back. And whenever that recognition seemed threatened he reacted rather childishly. Blamed everyone for his problems but himself because he was thinking only of himself. But the second man was confronted with the greatest crisis mortal man can face, the loss of his life. I think you will agree that the second man had every right to be selfish. But instead he chose to think not of himself, but of a brother. A brother! When the first man saw the dignity and the selflessness of the second man, he realized how petty and selfish he had...
I....
I...
I had been. It made me see something more clearly than I've ever seen it before. God didn't put us here for that pat on the back. He created us so He could be here Himself. So He could exist in the lives of those he created, in His image.
Take care, everyone.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Report Card
As I write this I am realizing that I am long overdue for posting, on Thursday I will be getting Herceptin again so that will make it almost three weeks since my last post. It has been a very busy few weeks and I am afraid that I have been procrastinating on posting. Every evening I will think about it just as I am heading to bed, search my mind (not a long process ;)) and decide that by evening I am pretty well brain dead so I will tell myself I will try to post earlier in the day the next day, which somehow seems to get lost in the busyness of the next day.
However, I do realize as people tentatively ask me if the MRI was OK that I left people hanging and I really need to report on the results and about my last oncologist visit and on life in general.
I was a little frustrated on the day of my oncologist visit as I was scheduled to go into work by 1200. I arrived at the hospital at 7:45 and had my bloodwork drawn. My appointment with the oncologist was scheduled for 1000 and on a normal clinic day I would have been in and out by 1015. I didn't get called in by the nurse until around 1100 and was then told that my oncologist was on holiday and that the GP who sometimes helps out on clinic days would be seeing me instead. I have given up on telling nurses at the clinic my concerns as it seems that they aren't really listening anyway - a good lesson for me. The nurse left the room after taking my vital signs and then came back in and asked me to change as the doctor would need to examine me. I did and then waited again.
Finally the doctor came in and I don't know if I was just impatient by then but I wasn't very impressed by her bedside manner, but she was running very late and that could have been part of the problem. She didn't tell me what my MUGA scan scores were but told me the MUGA was good and that my last four Herceptin treatments were booked, the last one will be October 3rd. She then told me that my MRI was a good news/bad news scenario - good news that there was no signs of metastases to the spine - not so good in that there are some issues with the cervical spine and the lower lumbar and sacral spine that are causing my back pain. She said I should see my GP and have her refer me for follow up on these issues. She also acted surprised that I hadn't seen my GP since I started my breast cancer treatment, my oncologist had specifically told me that she would be responsible for my care while I was having my treatment, which this doc appeared skeptical of. She told me my next oncologist visit would be in six months and that I would no longer need to have my heart monitored, which is not the information that I had been given by the oncologist. I had been told that because of the epirubicin and the Herceptin and their potential effect on the heart I would need to have it monitored for 5 years. She then did a quick exam telling me that since I wouldn't be seen for six months it was required. As I was driving to work (late) I realized that nothing had been said about port removal after my Herceptin treatments were complete and that six months was longer than I wanted to wait to ask about it. I will have to see what the chemo nurses advise.
I have been back at work for three weeks now after being late for the first day, the first two weeks were only two half days, last week and next week are three half days, gradually working up to full time mid-October. My employer and myself have to complete a progress report (report card) every two weeks and submit it to the insurance company to make sure everything is staying on track. I am enjoying being back at work, it feels good. I am gradually feeling that, in my mind, I am thinking and living beyond cancer treatment and making plans around other things than when my next appointment or treatment is. I've even started my Christmas shopping :).
Paisley is 4 1/2 weeks old now, she has been on her first car trip to see her cousins and she has almost made it through her first cold. She is smiling and becoming more alert and, of course, I think she is beautiful. It looks like she may keep her dark hair and her eyes show signs of possibly being blue - could be a stunning combination!
All of this and my garden are keeping me pleasantly busy this summer, a far different summer than last year at this time. Nice to have gotten this far.
Just to confuse me a little after the 'oncologist' appointment I received an appointment booking in the mail yesterday for another MUGA scan in October, after my last Herceptin treatment. So maybe I didn't misunderstand about the continued monitoring. Who knows?
Take care everyone
However, I do realize as people tentatively ask me if the MRI was OK that I left people hanging and I really need to report on the results and about my last oncologist visit and on life in general.
I was a little frustrated on the day of my oncologist visit as I was scheduled to go into work by 1200. I arrived at the hospital at 7:45 and had my bloodwork drawn. My appointment with the oncologist was scheduled for 1000 and on a normal clinic day I would have been in and out by 1015. I didn't get called in by the nurse until around 1100 and was then told that my oncologist was on holiday and that the GP who sometimes helps out on clinic days would be seeing me instead. I have given up on telling nurses at the clinic my concerns as it seems that they aren't really listening anyway - a good lesson for me. The nurse left the room after taking my vital signs and then came back in and asked me to change as the doctor would need to examine me. I did and then waited again.
Finally the doctor came in and I don't know if I was just impatient by then but I wasn't very impressed by her bedside manner, but she was running very late and that could have been part of the problem. She didn't tell me what my MUGA scan scores were but told me the MUGA was good and that my last four Herceptin treatments were booked, the last one will be October 3rd. She then told me that my MRI was a good news/bad news scenario - good news that there was no signs of metastases to the spine - not so good in that there are some issues with the cervical spine and the lower lumbar and sacral spine that are causing my back pain. She said I should see my GP and have her refer me for follow up on these issues. She also acted surprised that I hadn't seen my GP since I started my breast cancer treatment, my oncologist had specifically told me that she would be responsible for my care while I was having my treatment, which this doc appeared skeptical of. She told me my next oncologist visit would be in six months and that I would no longer need to have my heart monitored, which is not the information that I had been given by the oncologist. I had been told that because of the epirubicin and the Herceptin and their potential effect on the heart I would need to have it monitored for 5 years. She then did a quick exam telling me that since I wouldn't be seen for six months it was required. As I was driving to work (late) I realized that nothing had been said about port removal after my Herceptin treatments were complete and that six months was longer than I wanted to wait to ask about it. I will have to see what the chemo nurses advise.
I have been back at work for three weeks now after being late for the first day, the first two weeks were only two half days, last week and next week are three half days, gradually working up to full time mid-October. My employer and myself have to complete a progress report (report card) every two weeks and submit it to the insurance company to make sure everything is staying on track. I am enjoying being back at work, it feels good. I am gradually feeling that, in my mind, I am thinking and living beyond cancer treatment and making plans around other things than when my next appointment or treatment is. I've even started my Christmas shopping :).
Paisley is 4 1/2 weeks old now, she has been on her first car trip to see her cousins and she has almost made it through her first cold. She is smiling and becoming more alert and, of course, I think she is beautiful. It looks like she may keep her dark hair and her eyes show signs of possibly being blue - could be a stunning combination!
All of this and my garden are keeping me pleasantly busy this summer, a far different summer than last year at this time. Nice to have gotten this far.
Just to confuse me a little after the 'oncologist' appointment I received an appointment booking in the mail yesterday for another MUGA scan in October, after my last Herceptin treatment. So maybe I didn't misunderstand about the continued monitoring. Who knows?
Take care everyone
Thursday, July 11, 2013
MRI
As I write this post I am sitting in the chemo area in a recliner, my Herceptin has gone in and I am waiting for the normal saline flush to go through so I can be disconnected and go home. I am tired and looking forward to an at home day tomorrow followed by an evening wedding rehearsal and dinner.
Yesterday's MRI experience was a pretty good one, I think. I found the signage around the new hospital was very good and I had no trouble finding where to park and, once parked, finding my way to the Diagnostic Imaging area. As I checked in I was once again very impressed with the verify/validate process - not only was I asked to provide my health care card, I was also asked for my driver's license. Once checked in, I had a questionnaire to fill out, mostly looking for hidden sources of metal in my body. I completed it and then was escorted back to the MRI area. Here they had a set of lockers with keys and a change area. I was given gown, pj bottoms and a housecoat and a bag for the clothes I was wearing and instructed to place them in a locker and take the key once changed. I was allowed to keep my iPad and glasses with me while waiting.
There was one other lady also waiting, she had her husband with her. After a bit a man came out of the MRI suite and proceeded to his locker and the change area. A woman came out shortly after and changed also.
The other lady waiting and myself were called in, there were two rooms and a 'control' area. I was taken to one of them and asked to place my glasses and the locker key on a shelf out of the MRI field. I was placed on the table which had a pillow and neck rest and a pillow was placed under my legs. A set of headphones were placed over my ears, I was given a panic button to push if I needed it and then a white cage-like device was placed over my head and attached to the table. Lastly, cushiony pads were placed on either side of my neck to ensure I did not move my head.
The machine started moving me back into the tube and that's when I decided that closing my eyes was the best way to get through this procedure. There was a bright light inside the tube and there was a light fan that gently blew cool air on my face which was nice. I was moved further back into the machine twice more and there was some beeping then I was moved to the more central position and the MRI started. Lots of jackhammer like noises and then steady humming, then silence. This happened several times and I kind of gave up trying to anticipate when the MRI would be finished. It took 45 - 60 minutes and then came the challenging part - walking after lying on that hard table in one position for that long!
I made it to the change area and managed to take a different way out of the diagnostic imaging area which turned me around a little and took me further away from where I was wanting to go to get to parking, my back was complaining with every step as I made my way to my car.
Once home I had a call from my good friend that we visited back in the fall in Victoria. Lots of changes in her life and lots to catch up on, an hour and a bit later I started getting ready for Caleb's birthday party.
My sister in law Carol popped in for a few minutes on her way out to see my mother in law. They are embarking on a trip together to Vancouver and back with lots of stops along the way. Should be a wonderful trip for them.
The birthday party was very laid back, the weather was perfect and I managed to get lots of cuddle time in with Paisley :).
This morning was my second day back at work, not too taxing and it included the bonus of a stampede barbecue (I know the days to pick to work ;))
Now my 'rinse cycle' is complete post Herceptin and I am disconnected so I am off for home and a quiet evening.
Take care everyone.
Yesterday's MRI experience was a pretty good one, I think. I found the signage around the new hospital was very good and I had no trouble finding where to park and, once parked, finding my way to the Diagnostic Imaging area. As I checked in I was once again very impressed with the verify/validate process - not only was I asked to provide my health care card, I was also asked for my driver's license. Once checked in, I had a questionnaire to fill out, mostly looking for hidden sources of metal in my body. I completed it and then was escorted back to the MRI area. Here they had a set of lockers with keys and a change area. I was given gown, pj bottoms and a housecoat and a bag for the clothes I was wearing and instructed to place them in a locker and take the key once changed. I was allowed to keep my iPad and glasses with me while waiting.
There was one other lady also waiting, she had her husband with her. After a bit a man came out of the MRI suite and proceeded to his locker and the change area. A woman came out shortly after and changed also.
The other lady waiting and myself were called in, there were two rooms and a 'control' area. I was taken to one of them and asked to place my glasses and the locker key on a shelf out of the MRI field. I was placed on the table which had a pillow and neck rest and a pillow was placed under my legs. A set of headphones were placed over my ears, I was given a panic button to push if I needed it and then a white cage-like device was placed over my head and attached to the table. Lastly, cushiony pads were placed on either side of my neck to ensure I did not move my head.
The machine started moving me back into the tube and that's when I decided that closing my eyes was the best way to get through this procedure. There was a bright light inside the tube and there was a light fan that gently blew cool air on my face which was nice. I was moved further back into the machine twice more and there was some beeping then I was moved to the more central position and the MRI started. Lots of jackhammer like noises and then steady humming, then silence. This happened several times and I kind of gave up trying to anticipate when the MRI would be finished. It took 45 - 60 minutes and then came the challenging part - walking after lying on that hard table in one position for that long!
I made it to the change area and managed to take a different way out of the diagnostic imaging area which turned me around a little and took me further away from where I was wanting to go to get to parking, my back was complaining with every step as I made my way to my car.
Once home I had a call from my good friend that we visited back in the fall in Victoria. Lots of changes in her life and lots to catch up on, an hour and a bit later I started getting ready for Caleb's birthday party.
My sister in law Carol popped in for a few minutes on her way out to see my mother in law. They are embarking on a trip together to Vancouver and back with lots of stops along the way. Should be a wonderful trip for them.
The birthday party was very laid back, the weather was perfect and I managed to get lots of cuddle time in with Paisley :).
This morning was my second day back at work, not too taxing and it included the bonus of a stampede barbecue (I know the days to pick to work ;))
Now my 'rinse cycle' is complete post Herceptin and I am disconnected so I am off for home and a quiet evening.
Take care everyone.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Getting back
Our time in North Battleford was wonderful, too short but wonderful. I got a lot of visiting in with many people I haven't seen for what seems like a long time. I left feeling very rich and very blessed for having gone there. As seems to be our usual, we brought a few extra people back with us on our return trip, this time though instead of always seeming to attract boys we managed to attract two girls and an extra boy. Good but long trip, it was after midnight when we pulled into our driveway. I headed for bed fairly quickly, glad that Rod had Monday off and we didn't have to try to unpack right then.
Morning came way too quickly. I made it to my appointment for the MUGA scan on time but I must have left my veins back on vacation. The tech I had has been the same tech for all my MUGA's and my bone scans and has never had trouble before but yesterday my veins just did not seem to like being poked. Due to the trouble she was having she changed things up and did not remove blood and add tracer to it this time, instead she just injected the tracer into my vein.
After the MUGA I went into work for my first official half day back. There was a wonderful 'Welcome Back' basket waiting for me with all sorts of useful items as well as chocolate - they know my weakness ;). It felt good and right to be back and I managed not to embarrass myself too badly. Once home it was definitely nap time, followed by unpacking.
Today I tackled Costco in the morning and made it out to the lodge in the afternoon. The lodge was putting on a kinder, gentler Stampede that suited me perfectly. I had expected to have to do Mom's hair after her shower today but I was pleased to see that the nurses had done it for her, she seemed very pleased by this also. This left us with time to go outside and enjoy the sunny day along with the Stampede celebrations. There were a few different stations where the residents could show off their skills at milking, throwing horseshoes or tossing pancakes. It was fun to cheer the residents on and have a chance to visit with them.
When I was at Costco they had some perennials right at the front of the store that hadn't fared all that well on their trip east. They were selling them for a good price and I picked a few that looked like they could thrive with a little tender loving care. I hope to provide that for them in the next few days. The rest of my plants did very well while we were away, Rod's hard work beforehand in setting up soaker hoses and timers on the faucets paid off beautifully. I also couldn't resist a couple of other deals at Costco - one is a 'sail shade' that is triangular in shape and should be nice strung over the lower part of our deck or over the back stone patio area. The other deal was a package of pretty solar lights for the tables. It all seems to be coming together.
I guess I should probably save some of my money for celebrating Caleb's birthday - which happens to be tomorrow. I'm sure he would appreciate that although I think he feels he already has everything he could want with Leisha, Paisley and of course, Charlie. I hear that Lilly had a lemonade and Rice Krispie stand today and was expecting to make some pretty good money so maybe I can ask her for a loan if I need one. ;)
Take care everyone.
Morning came way too quickly. I made it to my appointment for the MUGA scan on time but I must have left my veins back on vacation. The tech I had has been the same tech for all my MUGA's and my bone scans and has never had trouble before but yesterday my veins just did not seem to like being poked. Due to the trouble she was having she changed things up and did not remove blood and add tracer to it this time, instead she just injected the tracer into my vein.
After the MUGA I went into work for my first official half day back. There was a wonderful 'Welcome Back' basket waiting for me with all sorts of useful items as well as chocolate - they know my weakness ;). It felt good and right to be back and I managed not to embarrass myself too badly. Once home it was definitely nap time, followed by unpacking.
Today I tackled Costco in the morning and made it out to the lodge in the afternoon. The lodge was putting on a kinder, gentler Stampede that suited me perfectly. I had expected to have to do Mom's hair after her shower today but I was pleased to see that the nurses had done it for her, she seemed very pleased by this also. This left us with time to go outside and enjoy the sunny day along with the Stampede celebrations. There were a few different stations where the residents could show off their skills at milking, throwing horseshoes or tossing pancakes. It was fun to cheer the residents on and have a chance to visit with them.
When I was at Costco they had some perennials right at the front of the store that hadn't fared all that well on their trip east. They were selling them for a good price and I picked a few that looked like they could thrive with a little tender loving care. I hope to provide that for them in the next few days. The rest of my plants did very well while we were away, Rod's hard work beforehand in setting up soaker hoses and timers on the faucets paid off beautifully. I also couldn't resist a couple of other deals at Costco - one is a 'sail shade' that is triangular in shape and should be nice strung over the lower part of our deck or over the back stone patio area. The other deal was a package of pretty solar lights for the tables. It all seems to be coming together.
I guess I should probably save some of my money for celebrating Caleb's birthday - which happens to be tomorrow. I'm sure he would appreciate that although I think he feels he already has everything he could want with Leisha, Paisley and of course, Charlie. I hear that Lilly had a lemonade and Rice Krispie stand today and was expecting to make some pretty good money so maybe I can ask her for a loan if I need one. ;)
Take care everyone.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Overdue post
Blog post written July 4th - unable to post until July 8th
It has been over a week since my last post. A very busy week!
On the Tuesday, I had neglected to check out post flood road closures. Following a wonderful chat with Norman, and missing my brownie as the bakery that supplied them was closed due to the flooding, I habitually started out on my usual route home. This turned out to be a big mistake. The road that I normally turn east onto was closed and a policeman was directing all traffic over the bridge and into the downtown area. Traffic was bumper to bumper and three lanes across. I was in the wrong lane to go south and west and ended up wandering the downtown area, trying to get south but working around road closures, no traffic lights and clean up crews. Finally another policeman asked me where I was going - I said 'Home'. He smiled gently and told me that if he knew where that was he could help me. I told him and he directed me to a street and bridge that was open. It was still bumper to bumper traffic and no lights. I drove past some of the worst flood damage and it took me two hours. As I drove I thought about how I just wanted to go home and I knew that my home was there waiting for me if I could just get to it. It hit home that for many after the flood this was not a possibility and yet they must just want to go 'home' also and have all be right with their world again.
Wednesday I got an early text telling me that Leisha was in labor and asking if we could be on call to the hospital. The airport is on the opposite side of the city from us and, traffic being what it was post flood, I didn't want to chance getting over there and then being called. Leah's mom and I visited via text and made a rain check for a really good face to face visit. Paisley Adeline entered the world at 6:24 p.m., 7 lb 5 oz and lots of dark hair. After so many boys in my life it is really incredible to hold this delicate little girl and hear the very feminine coos she makes. We have had the privilege of several visits with her, her parents and Charlie-dog since. Charlie is acting like a very protective big brother now, watching our every move with her. She is a beauty and I think she also already has Grandpa Rod wrapped around her little finger.
Yesterday, we travelled in the motorhome to Saskatchewan and I am comfortably lying in the motorhome bed while writing this. We will have a few days of vacation here before returning to a busy week once again, one that starts with a MUGA scan and then my first official start back to work since last June 20th.
Take care everyone.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
How Does Your Garden Grow?
At long last I am going to add some pictures of my garden.
First, I thought I should explain a bit about the history. We moved into this house in the summer of 1998. At the beginning of the year, we had no intention of moving and were not actively looking for a new house. One of Rod's customers came to his shop and told him he was selling his house and he felt that Rod should buy it. Rod laughed and told him we weren't interested in moving right at this time. He asked him to come and bring me for a look but Rod declined. Apparently, this customer was so sure that it was our house that he wrote a condition into the sale that we had first rights of refusal. It was a very hot real estate market that year but by June he still had not sold the house and came back to speak to Rod. I agreed to go and see the house and, after talking to a real estate agent we decided to buy and therefore, sell our house. Our house sold in the first week, but it wasn't without incident prior to the sale with a flooded basement and lots of work to replace carpeting, etc., another year when there was lots of June rain.
When we moved into the house we realized that the former owner didn't have much imagination in the area of the yard. The perimeter by the fence had about one foot borders but most had a material like roofing tiles laid into them to stop weed growth and they were bare of vegetation. There were two areas that were south facing where they grew beautiful tomatoes and two large evergreen trees but that was it as far as any planting in the backyard. There was also a slope downward toward the back fence that made it difficult to mow the lawn.
Jump forward to about three years ago when our neighbour decided it was time to build a new fence. In order to work with his plans we would need a retaining wall. Rod had another customer who did concrete work and so he was contracted to do that part, with the help of our sons Caleb and Jordan. While he was working he was taking stock of our yard and told Rod that he had some ideas for it and would Rod mind if he did a little work on it, Rod told him to go ahead, our price was the cost of the materials.
My yard was a mudpit through that winter and spring and I kept my curtains closed so I didn't have to look out on it. As soon as the snow melted our friend went to work, again with the help of Rod and the boys. Rod, Caleb and Kenny built the deck. Rod's friend divided the yard into different areas, like rooms and as he worked the yard began to take shape. That summer the concrete was poured and stamped, some trees were planted, sod was laid, a few hostas were planted in the shade area and finally a back fence was built.
Last year our plans were sidetracked somewhat by my surgery and treatment but we planted some grasses around the rocks that had been brought in and tried to keep the weeds down. We added a few shrubs and some bargain patio furniture. This year the grasses are doing wonderfully and we have added a few more perennials to build on what was done. The back of the yard is looking pretty good, we are now going to focus on the two sides of the house, one will be more of a play area for the grandkids and the other side will hopefully eventually have a hot tub on the concrete pad that was built for it, as well as a sitting area that will have a heater, a bench, some stools and a tall table made from an old wine barrel - hopefully a nice place to sit and visit over after dinner coffee.
Progress, still lots to do but we are very happy with how it is taking shape and very thankful for the vision of Rod's customer and his willingness to do the work.
Take care, everyone
First, I thought I should explain a bit about the history. We moved into this house in the summer of 1998. At the beginning of the year, we had no intention of moving and were not actively looking for a new house. One of Rod's customers came to his shop and told him he was selling his house and he felt that Rod should buy it. Rod laughed and told him we weren't interested in moving right at this time. He asked him to come and bring me for a look but Rod declined. Apparently, this customer was so sure that it was our house that he wrote a condition into the sale that we had first rights of refusal. It was a very hot real estate market that year but by June he still had not sold the house and came back to speak to Rod. I agreed to go and see the house and, after talking to a real estate agent we decided to buy and therefore, sell our house. Our house sold in the first week, but it wasn't without incident prior to the sale with a flooded basement and lots of work to replace carpeting, etc., another year when there was lots of June rain.
When we moved into the house we realized that the former owner didn't have much imagination in the area of the yard. The perimeter by the fence had about one foot borders but most had a material like roofing tiles laid into them to stop weed growth and they were bare of vegetation. There were two areas that were south facing where they grew beautiful tomatoes and two large evergreen trees but that was it as far as any planting in the backyard. There was also a slope downward toward the back fence that made it difficult to mow the lawn.
Jump forward to about three years ago when our neighbour decided it was time to build a new fence. In order to work with his plans we would need a retaining wall. Rod had another customer who did concrete work and so he was contracted to do that part, with the help of our sons Caleb and Jordan. While he was working he was taking stock of our yard and told Rod that he had some ideas for it and would Rod mind if he did a little work on it, Rod told him to go ahead, our price was the cost of the materials.
My yard was a mudpit through that winter and spring and I kept my curtains closed so I didn't have to look out on it. As soon as the snow melted our friend went to work, again with the help of Rod and the boys. Rod, Caleb and Kenny built the deck. Rod's friend divided the yard into different areas, like rooms and as he worked the yard began to take shape. That summer the concrete was poured and stamped, some trees were planted, sod was laid, a few hostas were planted in the shade area and finally a back fence was built.
 |
| After Concrete poured, before fence |
 |
| Stamping in concrete |
 |
| We have sod - and weeds |
Progress, still lots to do but we are very happy with how it is taking shape and very thankful for the vision of Rod's customer and his willingness to do the work.
Take care, everyone
 |
| Hosta Bed |
 |
| Our chiminea, small patio |
 |
| Some grasses |
 |
| Add caption |
 |
| Three of my hanging planters |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)