The Sun Will Rise

There are lots of thoughts going over in my mind today.

Spring seems slowly to be encroaching on winter and we have had some beautiful sunny days. I love walking into my kitchen on these bright sunny mornings. There is a feeling of hope as I look at the pots I have planted with bulbs for replanting in the yard when the time is right.

I'm amazed at the ability of the human body to heal, just a week ago I was quite miserable with my cold and with the discomfort of the radiation burns and today I only have the remnants of a cough and I see good progress with my skin.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and there is always the message of new life and hope as we celebrate this holiday.

After I visited my mother on Thursday and again today I walked past a chalkboard that caught my attention. The message written on the board is - 'you cannot reach for the new if your hands are full of yesterday's junk'. It made me pause and think both times as I read it. So many ways that we can apply this truth to our lives, both in the literal and practical application and also regarding what we might be holding onto in other areas. My house has known a long winter of neglect and I feel that it is time to start the process of cleaning, decluttering and purging. It is time to let go of that which is no longer useful but still taking time and energy. This frees up space and time for those things that are truly important - both old and new.

When I returned home today I treated myself to an afternoon watching the movie 'Les Miserables'. It was very well done and the final song made more of an impression than it ever has in the past -

Do you hear the people sing

Lost in the valley of the night?

It is the music of a people

Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth

There is a flame that never dies.

Even the darkest night will end

And the sun will rise!

The Son has risen! 

Take care everyone.

Careful What You Wish For

I had a little busier day today, my voice is gradually returning for which I am thankful. My first stop today was to the hospital to see Mom. She is in a four bed room with three other ladies and she seems to be enjoying having the company. I found her in good spirits, sitting in a recliner chair. I didn't get too close yet due to my cold but she happily showed me cards and books and presents she had received. We reviewed her mail and a few other things. While I was at the hospital a woman said to me 'I wish I had your hair'. That stopped me in my tracks for a moment. I managed to say 'No, you don't' to which she responded 'Oh, but I do, it suits you so well'. This led to the title of this post ;). I didn't say it, but I did think it.

My final 'return to work' class was this afternoon, it was a beautiful sunny day and several times I was distracted by the sun as it glistened off the river that was within walking distance. It was a good course and it gave me much to think about, not the least of which is how fortunate I am to have the employment situation that I do, complete with incredible co-workers.

Following my course, I made my way over to the cancer center for my Herceptin infusion. I had time for a bit of a break first so I grabbed an apple and some cheese and sat in another beautifully sunny location to eat them and just rest for a few minutes.

When I did go to the chemo area I ran across yet another person from my past, this time an old classmate. I had not known she worked in the area and we spent some time catching up on each other's lives. She is the nurse for two oncologists and enjoys working for them. She has two sons who are 20 and 24, both living at home and in post-secondary and doing well. At the end of our conversation came the awkward moment where she said she was so happy she ran into me and then corrected herself, saying she wasn't happy to see me there ... I understood. In a way, I wish there was no need for her job.

The actual Herceptin infusions seem to be getting easier. My port has continued to work beautifully even if I find it's presence just under my collarbone a little irritating and uncomfortable, especially since radiation. I am getting used to having the infusions over 30 minutes followed by a quick flush. Today there was a lovely older lady there just finishing up her last chemo. She was so happy, she rang the bell with great enthusiasm and then wished us all well with our continued treatments, telling us we would all be done in 'no time'. I may miss being part of moments like that when I am finally all done.

Now my body is wishing I was putting it to bed so I will indulge it.

Take care everyone.

Waiting

Since being at Justin and Leah's my cold/bronchitis has lingered and the 'rays I caught' during my radiation treatments are certainly making themselves apparent on my skin, especially under my arm which is an interesting area to try to keep a dressing on. I think that I am making headway but I have not been up to see my mother in the hospital yet. I know that she is being well cared for but I am not the most patient at waiting and I don't want her to be worrying.

I have been very thankful once again for friends who took pity on Rod last week and invited him for meals and for those who visited my mother. My cousin Cheryl told Rod that Mom assured her that she had lots of visitors. 

My friend Ev has had a bronchitis that turned into a pneumonia in the last week. She told me that our friend Jane had admonished her to rest. She tells me - 'Believe me I'm the restiest rester in Restville'. :)
She posted this picture on Facebook today, the message and the picture are beautiful and it made me smile -

My reading in 'Jesus Calling' yesterday was also on the subject of 'waiting' -

Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live:  all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties. 
I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me:  renewed strength, living above one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence. Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of Joy. 
Lamentations 3:24 - 26; Isaiah 40:31; Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)

I think I can rest in that.

Take care, everyone.

Last Weeks Top News Stories ;)

Today I thought it would be fun to sum up my last week with several headlines and news stories to go with them, I may even throw in a picture or two.


A Man's Work is Never Done
Forrest is a very busy little man, at this point in time a man of action and few words. Here are two pictures of the strikingly handsome blonde performing one of his many tasks of the day.

Fantastic Debut for Theatrical Production
The incredibly talented Miss Lilly produced, directed, narrated and starred in Monday evening's production of 'Little Rabbit Foo-Foo'. There was a cameo appearance by Grandma Laura  in the role of Little Rabbit Foo-Foo/Goon. Judging by the audience's reaction the play was a huge success with the promise of many more plays in this young lady's future.

Miss Lilly getting into character as 'The Good Fairy'

A Constructive Education
Keiran is a wise young man who is always willing to share his vast knowledge with others. One of his special areas of interest is all things related to construction and construction sites. Here he can be seen demonstrating the proper technique for the emptying of the excavator shovel into the dump truck.

So You Think You Can Dance
Miss Lilly's Grade One Class has been busy this year mastering several dances, not the least of which include 'The Macarena', 'The Bunny Hop' and 'The Chicken Dance'. Lilly very generously and patiently broke down the dance moves one afternoon until even Grandma Laura and one year old Forrest could perform them. In fact, Lilly was so successful that Forrest was caught performing 'The Chicken Dance' with great delight several times following Lilly's demonstration. It appears that this dance may become an enduring part of Forrest's repertoire in the future. His mother had less success with teaching him actions to the song 'Running Over'. She may want to incorporate some of Lilly's techniques for future lessons.

Boogers!
As the week progressed as well as everyone's colds a new theme for the week began to emerge. The theme was 'Boogers!' and although there was a multiplicity of ways that this one simple word could be said it always meant that Grandma Laura should grab a Kleenex and promptly wipe whichever nose required wiping at the time. A full time job for her at several points in time, one at which she became quite adept.
 
Laura and Lilly Time Travel
Near the close of every evening a magical time was had as Grandma Laura and Lilly travelled back to 'The Banks of Plum Creek' with Laura Ingalls Wilder.

New Bookstore Opens
On Sunday morning after breakfast a new bookstore made it's appearance. The wonderfully talented Miss Lilly helped Keiran the new proprietor set up his store so as to best showcase his wares. As the sun shone brilliantly through the window behind him, the curly haired, twinkly eyed proprietor could be seen proudly standing behind his counter (cardboard box) waiting on customers with a broad smile. All books were very reasonably priced at no more than $2/book - or a lego if that was all a customer happened to have on hand at the moment.

Fine Dining
Throughout the week there was no shortage of a wide variety of carefully prepared and beautifully presented food and gracious hospitality, courtesy of Leah and Justin and their special helpers. This establishment runs like a well oiled machine, easily expanding to accommodate friends on playdates and down-sizing when required to accommodate an 'achy-breaky' Grandma. If you can get a reservation, this establishment comes highly recommended!

Take care, everyone! :)

                                                         



 

Perfectly Imperfect

My time here with Justin and Leah and kids is quickly coming to a close. I succumbed to Rod's cold in the last few days so I haven't been out and about much but I took them out for lunch today to one of my favorite places called 'The Cottage'.

I noticed that the front of the menu had this poem on it and it resonates, especially after getting a text from Robin before I left telling me 'I hope you dance'.

~Dance Like No One's Watching~
We convince ourselves that life
will be better after we get married,
have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough
and we'll be more content when they are.
After that we're frustrated that we
have teenagers to deal with,
we will certainly be happy
when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete
when our spouse gets his or her act together,
when we get a nicer car,
are able to go on a nice vacation,
when we retire.   

The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. 

If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself
and decide to be happy anyway.
One of my favorite quotes comes
from Alfred D Souza.
He said, "For a long time it had seemed
to me that life was about to begin -real life.
But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be gotten through first,
some unfinished business,
time still to be served,
a debt to be paid. Then life would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these
obstacles were my life."
This perspective has helped me to see
that there is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way,
so, treasure every moment that you have.
And treasure it more because you shared it
with someone special,
special enough to spend your time...
and remember that time waits for no one.
So stop waiting until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring, until summer,
until fall, until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die, until you are born again
to decide that there is no better time
than right now to be happy...
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So, Work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt and
Dance Like no one's watching.
~Author Unknown~

Life is 'perfectly imperfect', embrace it as it is in this moment right now. Come join the dance with me ;)

Take care everyone.

The Latest Goings-On

I will write a quick update, hopefully I will write more in the next couple of days.

I am currently immersed in the world of naps, snacks, cuddles, stories and arts and crafts.

Keiran tells me I am his 'favorite girl'.

He also has a wonderfully honest way about him. When I read him his story yesterday afternoon before nap time I asked if he would like to take the book into bed with him to look at. His answer was a firm 'No, I might pee on it'.

This afternoon I told him to run along to his room and I would be there in a minute to which he replied 'I'm going to walk, Grandma Laura'.

Forrest is getting to be quite the flirt with his big blue eyes. He loves the broom and the vacuum cleaner, as well as throwing and chasing balls.

Lilly is reading incredibly well for a girl in Grade One, very impressive. We had a date this morning where we went to a paint store and she painted a flower pot. It turned out very well but we had to leave it there until it dried. Afterwards we did a little shopping and then she guided me back to the house perfectly. She has a little treasure chest of gifts that she is collecting for me to take home, very precious indeed.

Rod just contacted me. He is finally feeling better today. He tells me that my Mom was confused when she phoned him on Monday and told him she was at the rehab facility. She is actually in hospital still and the nurse tells him this evening that she does have a fractured right hip and pelvis. On Monday the nurse he talked to told him there was a fractured pelvis and possible fractured hip but then called him back right away and said there were no fractures seen. He was told this evening that they were going to send her 'closer to home' tomorrow to recover  - this time they planned to send her to High River. High River is even farther away than last time they tried to send her 'closer to home', each time without talking to her or us when making their plans. Rod referred them to the electronic health record and her last two admissions - I find it a little sad that a layperson has to tell professionals to do this. There is a wealth of information in there that they could reference, including a very detailed discharge summary.

Forrest gets his immunization tomorrow so I will be having a date with Keiran in the morning. Best get my beauty sleep ;).

Take care everyone.

Normal is a Dryer Setting

In my last post I mentioned wanting to get back to normal.
Over the last several days I was reminded of the saying 'Normal is just a dryer setting'.
Thursday after radiation I had my discharge teaching with Patsy. She told me at the time that her good friend Val was now in palliative care and not doing well, she has been supporting Val and her family and it has been hard on her.
When I got home I found Rod home already, not feeling well. Very unusual for him to come home from work so he must have really been feeling sick - he was coughing and said he ached all over.
Friday was the last day of my treatments, there is an area under my arm that is beginning to break down, the rest of the skin is just tender like a really good sunburn. I am keeping up on the Glaxobase cream, I am told that it could get worse for a week or so before it starts to get better.
After the treatment I met Liz, Sherry and Lisa for lunch, it was great to catch up on their lives and the goings on at work. When I got home, Rod once again came home from work early.

Over Friday evening and Saturday I packed and prepared for my week away at Justin and Leah's. It was also Jordan's 28th birthday on Thursday and Kenny's 18th birthday on Saturday. Not too terribly much celebrating happened so we will have to make up for that when I get back and we are both better. I also had a meeting on Saturday a.m. at our autism association regarding the young adult workshops we do.
On Sunday morning just after we were getting up and getting ready to go to the airport we received a call from the hospital emergency department saying my mother had fallen again and was in their department waiting for x-rays. I made the decision that I was going to continue with my travel plans - I may not win daughter of the year for that. I am relieved to find out since getting here that nothing was broken and that she spent one day in hospital and is now in the rehab facility until she is well enough to go back to the lodge.I'm hoping for a better assessment for her this time, she hasn't gone longer than about a month when back at a lodge since her fall in December 2011.
At the airport I checked in and was happy to see that I had been assigned a window seat on the plane. As I was going past one of the baggage handlers he stopped me and said he'd had a song going over in his head and he couldn't get it out - he began to hum it and I joined him as I recognized it. I'm sure Rod thought we were both a little crazy when he caught up with me.
When we got our boarding call for my flight. I was sure I must have gotten the wrong instructions as it seemed that I walked the length of a football field before finally getting to our 'gate' and then having to go outside to board the plane. There were seven of us traveling on a plane that had about 16 seats from what I could tell and all of us had a window seat. The aisle was very small and I was right over the wing where I could see the propellor. It was snowing when we left and they kept de-icing the plane while we sat waiting to take off. We could see the pilots from our seats and there were no attendants on this flight.
What are the odds then, that out of the seven passengers, the lady I sat across from recognized the 'hairdo' and asked if I was going home between treatments.  I explained the completion of my radiation and she shared that she had gone through chemo last year also, having completed earlier than me. She showed me pictures on her iPad of her last chemo and we bonded during the flight.
I will share more about my time here in Cranbrook in future posts, this one is getting long.
For now I will say that it has been good medicine.


Take care everyone.

Resistant, Reluctant, Realistic and Resigned

I met with my doctor on Monday afternoon. I have been resistant to the idea of taking longer to return to work following radiation. I want to get back to normal sooner rather than later. I miss being in the center of things at work, I always enjoyed and felt that I thrived on that. I feel that the longer that I am away the harder it will be to get back to where I am contributing and 'in the swing' of things.

I have been reluctant to admit to myself and others that I am once again very tired. The hemoglobin seems to have taken a hit again and I am back to napping and going to bed very early in the evening. I am also averaging 15 - 20 hot flashes any given day/night and that is not helping with the tiredness. My hands are very stiff and sore and the fingertips continue to be numb from the Taxotere. At Costco the other day I was trying to pick things up from the basket and kept dropping them due to the sudden pain in my right wrist on each attempt. It may or may not be related to the cording from the axillary lymph node dissection.

On Monday I had an early radiation treatment at 0800 followed by the Costco trip with Rod which was followed by a nap and then my afternoon appointments. By the time I saw the doctor I told her that even 'my aches were aching'. She reiterated that she felt it was too soon for me to be returning to work two weeks post radiation. She said she could not stop me but if I did it would be like discharging myself against medical advice.

After discussing everything I resigned myself to the fact that I probably wasn't ready for an April 1st return and allowed her to write a letter to my insurance company requesting an extension of my time off.  I must have been looking pretty discouraged because she said not to think of it as a failure on my part to return when expected but to have a paradigm shift and think of it as planning to return 'well'. She suggested that I get going with more rehab while I am off.

I will plan to do that. My last radiation treatment is on Friday, followed by a lunch out with some of my co-workers. Rod booked a flight for me to Cranbrook for Sunday where my three little 'trainers' will work with me as they did a year ago with planned rest periods and nutritious meals and snacks included. I look forward to my visit with Justin, Leah and kids :)

When I return I have a series of appointments that include some scans and another doctor visit to ensure I am doing OK and that I am able to continue with the Herceptin infusions.

Not what I had planned but I am past resistant and reluctant and I am now realistic and resigned that this is probably what is best. I don't have to be happy about it quite yet though.

Take care everyone.

Security

My daughter-in-law Leah recently posted this exchange on Facebook, it really pulled at my heartstrings -

Keiran:  Mom, when I have my next birthday, how old will I turn?
Me:  Three.
Keiran:  Well, then I will be getting old and you will need a new Keiran.
Me:  Where will I get a new Keiran?
Keiran:  Maybe at the store. (Looking concerned and tearing up). Maybe you could keep me...I won't really be that old...Could you please keep me, Mom?

I can just imagine that somewhere he heard about needing to replace something that was getting old with a new one and his interpretation seemed quite logical to an almost three year old that is a deep thinker - if things that get old need to be replaced, then possibly so do people that get old.

I hope you are not getting too tired of my references to Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Today's reading reminded me of Keiran's needing his Mom's reassurance in order to feel secure (and irreplaceable no matter how 'ancient' he gets ;) -

You are Mine for all time - and beyond time, into eternity. No power can deny you your inheritance in heaven. I want you to realize how utterly secure you are! Even if you falter as you journey through life, I will never let go of your hand. 

Knowing that your future is absolutely assured can free you to live abundantly today. I have prepared this day for you with the most tender concern and attention to detail. Instead of approaching the day as a blank page that you need to fill up, try living it in a responsive mode:  being on the lookout for all that I am doing. This sounds easy, but it requires a deep level of trust, based on the knowledge that My way is perfect.

Today was a good one. I took it easy in the morning after not much sleep during the night (Herceptin side effects). Kenny is in hockey playoffs right now so I spent the better part of the afternoon in a hockey arena - they won :). I was cold and achy after being in the arena so came home and cuddled with my quilts. Wade came over and visited for a bit with Rod and I, we had a great talk, very inspiring - very glad he came over even if he neglected to bring Gayle with him this time (and made a comment asking when I was going to dye my grey hair!).

Tomorrow it's back to radiation, the start of the last week. I'm the first appointment of the day in my area and we changed to daylight savings time last night so I'd better call it an early night tonight if I want to be 'radiant' in the morning. Such an exciting life I lead ;).

Take care, everyone.

Radiant

I think I must be starting to glow in the dark. ;)

Yesterday when I went for my radiation treatment I was lying on the table and the two RT's in the room were peering closely at my chest, first of all looking for my tattoos to ensure I was positioned properly and then to see how my skin was holding up. I still find that a little discomfitting. The one RT said that I was beginning to tan. I told him that my husband referred to my treatments as 'catching some rays'. He laughed and said that he hadn't heard them referred to like that before and then stated 'You are radiant'. I told him I had never been referred to like that before, it reminded me of Charlotte's Web and her attempts to save Wilbur, one effort was by weaving the words 'Radiant Pig' into her web.

Yesterday and today have been beautifully sunny days and there is lots of snow on the mountains. I drove out to visit my Mom this afternoon and the best way that I could describe the sun shining off the snow on the mountains is 'radiant'.

Today's reading in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young seems appropriate to share, given the theme -

Rest in My radiant Presence. The world around you seems to spin faster and faster, till everything is a blur. Yet there is a cushion of calm at the center of your life, where you live in union with Me. Return to this soothing Center as often as you can, for this is where you are energized: filled with My Love, Joy, and Peace.

The world is a needy place; do not go there for sustenance. Instead, come to Me. Learn to depend on Me alone, and your weakness will become saturated with My Power. When you find your completeness in Me, you can help other people without using them to meet your own needs. Live in the Light of My Presence, and your light will shine brightly into the lives of others. Galatians 5:22, 1 John 4:12.

Naptime, need some re-energizing ;)

Take care, everyone.

Life as Laura

This week has been another busy one and tomorrow will be no different with radiation in the morning, my return to work class in the afternoon and then my Herceptin infusion late afternoon. I will do a quick post this evening to catch up. I thought it might be fun to do that by making 'Laura is' statements. Here goes -
Thursday evening - Laura is very happy she decided to purchase tickets for the C. S. Lewis one man play - excellent evening with Rod, Brad and Dawn, and Patty, Calvin and Mitchell.
Friday lunch with the ladies - Laura is so blessed to have such wonderful support from so many friends and co-workers past and present, it was a wonderful lunch and so nice to visit with everyone again. We had a round table which allowed us all to catch up on each others lives as a group. When  the bills came Laura is the recipient of the senior's discount with her new hair ;)
Saturday and Sunday - Laura is tired and taking it easy, must be the senior coming out.
Monday - Laura is mom and chauffeur to Kenny who was sick and had stayed home from school. His biology teacher, however, called my cell phone and wanted him to come in to school and write a unit test that had to be written that day 'unless he is on his deathbed'. He said Kenny was doing well but didn't want him to get behind. You can imagine how well that went over with Kenny. I drove him over after my radiation treatment, went to Costco and then waited in the parking lot at the school for another hour before he completed the test.
Tuesday - Laura is daughter and chauffeur to my Mom who had a Cast Clinic appointment. The doctor says she has healed well, she needs to start walking more but otherwise she is good to go. At the hospital there is a shortcut hallway to the Cast Clinic area and it was on this part that I realized that Laura is definitely needing to 'up her bench'. There was an incline which taxed my ability to push the wheelchair up it and then there was a decline that equally taxed my ability to pull back on the wheelchair and keep it from getting away on me. We did manage to make it safe and sound both ways. ;)
Wednesday - Laura is 'fifty shades of pink' - starting with having two male RT's doing the treatment today, completed by my skin's response to the radiation and several hot flashes added in. At my appointment with my radiation oncologist afterwards I was told that my skin is doing better than she had thought it would and that I might not even peel. I was pleased to hear that, Shannon will be also.
Finally, Laura is very cool as she drives around the city in the new Jeep Wrangler provided as a rental by the insurance company while my car is being repaired. Good thing I picked it up today, I'm positive I would never have been able to get Mom into it for her appointment yesterday, it's a bit of a step up even for me to get into.
Now, Laura is calling it a night.

Take care, everyone.

Hair again ...

Well - there were several 'firsts' in the last couple of weeks in regards to hair. It was August 28th that I started wearing a wig or head covering and I was just so tired of it, especially with the 'climate changes' that chemo and Tamoxifen have brought on a regular basis so last weekend I ditched them all and went 'topless' in public for the first time. No one left the room screaming - that was a relief. It is coming in with the typical salt and pepper colour that I hear is common after chemo and it promises to be curly again, no surprise there.

I also had to pluck some stray eyebrow hairs prior to travelling last weekend and on Friday of this week I was able to put mascara on my eyelashes and make it stay there - progress indeed. The bottom lashes are more plentiful than the upper lashes just yet but they seem to be returning in the order they left - first to go, first to return.

Here's my latest photo with my new 'head of hair' (mostly head), eyebrows and eyelashes, I was practising as (wouldn't you know it!) this is the year I have to renew my license and my passport, the license before the end of March -

I loved my mother's reaction when I went to visit her yesterday - she took a look at me and said 'Well, your hair is growing, eh?'
Then she said - 'I wonder why it's growing in like that? I guess it's OK - but I wonder why it's growing in like that?'
I'm not sure what 'like that' means but it gave me a smile for the day.
We're having quite the snowstorm here - I'm hoping that it will have blown itself out before I have to head for my radiation appointment early tomorrow morning - my manager emailed our team and told everyone to stay off the roads and work from home tomorrow if it was still snowing  - these are the times I wish I wasn't in treatment and working instead ;).
Take care, everyone.