The last couple of days have been quiet, mostly around the house days which I have enjoyed. I have not heard anything about an MRI appointment yet and I don't think that I will be holding my breath waiting. It has been nice just to dig in my garden in a very relaxed manner, taking small breaks when needed and longer breaks when the rain dictates them. I am quite pleased with how it is taking shape, now I just need the plants to like the locations I have placed them in.
Monday was a busy day with a few hours at work, then Costco, lunch, tea with Norman and my BCSCF appointment. They want to step up the appointments there to once weekly for the next four weeks to ensure that everything is in place for my return to work.
Tomorrow I am looking forward to a birthday lunch for Ev followed by the two of us driving out for a visit with Mom. Then I have Herceptin late afternoon so some more quiet garden days sound like just the thing afterwards.
As a progress report - My hair seems to get curlier the longer it gets, it definitely has a mind of it's own so I pretty well let it do what it likes. My nails seem to be getting stronger and looking closer to their pre-chemo state. My hands themselves are strange, the ends of the fingers feel numb but the finger joints themselves feel like I would imagine arthritis feels like. My back and ribs continue to give me grief but I promise I will stop complaining (I read over the last several posts and it was a pretty repetitive theme ;) I have been given a med for neuropathy to see if it helps and I also have a sleeping pill that was prescribed for me, I have yet to take either. As I review the side effects of each of them I begin to wonder if I am better off with 'the devil I know'. Back when I first began working as a nurse in Emergency one of the doctors there jokingly advised me to 'stay away from doctors'. I'm beginning to think he may have been right. ;)
Time may eventually turn out to be the best doctor - that and my garden. Maybe one of the side effects of the chemo will be a green thumb? I can hope ;)
Take care everyone.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
New Normal?
Today was my appointment with the oncologist.
She had the bone scan and abdominal ultrasound results for me. The bone scan was compared to the one I had done prior to my surgery last June and it showed that there were moderate degenerative changes, especially in the L5-S1 region, since that scan and chemo/tamoxifen/Herceptin. Nothing that looked 'sinister' - in her words but she said she was going to order an MRI due to the amount of discomfort I have been having.
I ended up getting a Doppler ultrasound on the side. I have some swelling on my neck above my clavicle and there was a lump in my axilla that she wanted to look at. She was worried that the swelling on the neck was due to a clot in my port. I didn't like what she told me the treatment for that would be - full anti-coagulation and port removal. Post ultrasound they don't know what is causing the lump or the swelling - I am very relieved that the Doppler showed no clot.
So, that's my story ;). I feel a little bit like I can't trust my body and what it is telling me anymore. It may take a while to re-establish that trust. I didn't even notice the lump or swelling which were my oncologist's major concerns. The areas that were my main concerns may turn out to be more of my 'new normal'.
As I drove home I decided that I will need to really work on the yoga type stretches and I also decided that I should start treating myself to some good back massages. Keiran thinks it would be nice to go swimming with Grandma Laura soon which is also not a bad idea. I can handle that kind of treatment ;).
Take care everyone.
She had the bone scan and abdominal ultrasound results for me. The bone scan was compared to the one I had done prior to my surgery last June and it showed that there were moderate degenerative changes, especially in the L5-S1 region, since that scan and chemo/tamoxifen/Herceptin. Nothing that looked 'sinister' - in her words but she said she was going to order an MRI due to the amount of discomfort I have been having.
I ended up getting a Doppler ultrasound on the side. I have some swelling on my neck above my clavicle and there was a lump in my axilla that she wanted to look at. She was worried that the swelling on the neck was due to a clot in my port. I didn't like what she told me the treatment for that would be - full anti-coagulation and port removal. Post ultrasound they don't know what is causing the lump or the swelling - I am very relieved that the Doppler showed no clot.
So, that's my story ;). I feel a little bit like I can't trust my body and what it is telling me anymore. It may take a while to re-establish that trust. I didn't even notice the lump or swelling which were my oncologist's major concerns. The areas that were my main concerns may turn out to be more of my 'new normal'.
As I drove home I decided that I will need to really work on the yoga type stretches and I also decided that I should start treating myself to some good back massages. Keiran thinks it would be nice to go swimming with Grandma Laura soon which is also not a bad idea. I can handle that kind of treatment ;).
Take care everyone.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Grad
Yesterday was a full day with Kenny's grad. Everything was lovely but a very tiring day.
We had to have Kenny to the venue the ceremonies were being held at by 0800 a.m. which proved to be a bit of a challenge with rush hour and parking to get through first. We did make it close to 0800. Once there Kenny joined his friends and we found ourselves some seats. Without planning it I was beside a seat that stayed empty throughout the ceremonies which was wonderful as it gave me more room to change my position as needed and helped me to be able to sit through the ceremonies.
Kenny and I took a break at home after the ceremonies while Rod went and checked out how things were going at the shop. He then picked up the corsage for Kenny's date and came home where we all changed for the evening banquet, then drove to Kenny's dates' house where pictures were being taken of the grads. There was a very long limousine waiting at the house to take the grads to the banquet and there was a beautiful spread of food on the table. Once the grads left, we stayed and visited with Kenny's dates' parents. Very relaxed and nice to get to know them since apparently Kenny and her have been going out for four months. I can't accuse Kenny of being over communicative ;).
Traffic and parking were easier for Rod and I for the banquet but where we parked ended up being a long distance from the banquet hall and the walk took it's toll on my back. The grad committee had worked very hard on all the details of the evening and it was wonderful. I made it to 9 o'clock but probably should have left sooner than that. Nine was about when the dance started.
Kenny was home just after three a.m. and I have to admit I slept better after that. This a.m. I took it very easy all morning before going out to see my Mom and return and collect laundry. I showed her the grad pictures and then she needed to get to knitting club. It's nice to see her settling in more as she is there longer.
Wade and Gayle dropped over this evening and time has gone very quickly.
Last Friday, the morning after my bone scan, I received a phone call telling me I had an appointment with my oncologist this Friday, May 24th at 1030 a.m. So tomorrow morning I'll stop at Rod's shop and pick him up before the appointment. It's been both a long week since that phone call and yet a short one with all the busyness of grad and the long weekend.
Take care, everyone
We had to have Kenny to the venue the ceremonies were being held at by 0800 a.m. which proved to be a bit of a challenge with rush hour and parking to get through first. We did make it close to 0800. Once there Kenny joined his friends and we found ourselves some seats. Without planning it I was beside a seat that stayed empty throughout the ceremonies which was wonderful as it gave me more room to change my position as needed and helped me to be able to sit through the ceremonies.
Kenny and I took a break at home after the ceremonies while Rod went and checked out how things were going at the shop. He then picked up the corsage for Kenny's date and came home where we all changed for the evening banquet, then drove to Kenny's dates' house where pictures were being taken of the grads. There was a very long limousine waiting at the house to take the grads to the banquet and there was a beautiful spread of food on the table. Once the grads left, we stayed and visited with Kenny's dates' parents. Very relaxed and nice to get to know them since apparently Kenny and her have been going out for four months. I can't accuse Kenny of being over communicative ;).
Traffic and parking were easier for Rod and I for the banquet but where we parked ended up being a long distance from the banquet hall and the walk took it's toll on my back. The grad committee had worked very hard on all the details of the evening and it was wonderful. I made it to 9 o'clock but probably should have left sooner than that. Nine was about when the dance started.
Kenny was home just after three a.m. and I have to admit I slept better after that. This a.m. I took it very easy all morning before going out to see my Mom and return and collect laundry. I showed her the grad pictures and then she needed to get to knitting club. It's nice to see her settling in more as she is there longer.
Wade and Gayle dropped over this evening and time has gone very quickly.
Last Friday, the morning after my bone scan, I received a phone call telling me I had an appointment with my oncologist this Friday, May 24th at 1030 a.m. So tomorrow morning I'll stop at Rod's shop and pick him up before the appointment. It's been both a long week since that phone call and yet a short one with all the busyness of grad and the long weekend.
Take care, everyone
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Weekend of 'Wonderful'
Last weekend was a long weekend here and, contrary to what the weatherman had predicted, the weather was actually pretty good. I was kept very busy, which was to my liking and also meant for good sleeps.
On Saturday evening one of our good neighbours threw an impromptu block barbecue. It was lovely to catch up with the neighbours and their lives and just sit and relax with them. We have a wonderful group of neighbours who have kept our walk and driveway shoveled all winter and keep our front lawn looking good, one neighbour mows and waters it as we share a front lawn and another regularly edges it along the driveway and walkway. We are blessed.
My new routine for Sunday mornings is for Rod to mix up my protein smoothie while I shower and dress for church, then I drive out and pick up my Mom from the lodge, drinking the smoothie on the way. I drive back home and pick up Rod and Kenny and then we drive to church. This Sunday after church we decided to take Mom out to the Cora franchise in Okotoks. She loved it. No complaints about the portions being too large this time ;). She looked so pleased when her plate came with two blueberry pancakes, two eggs, crispy bacon and fresh fruit on the side. Once we got her back to the lodge Rod and I did our Costco shop in Okotok. Once home, I crashed for a bit and Rod put the groceries away. I hope I will be able to find them now ;)
Yesterday morning Caleb and Leisha invited us to drive out with them to see Mom B and take her out for lunch. I have to remember to include in my performance review my improved managerial abilities learned this year where I am so much better at negotiating and delegating. In this instance I negotiated first, stating that we needed to get some yard work done. I told them I would love to go if, when we got home, I could conscript some muscles into the yard. All were agreeable so off we went. We went to a real old fashioned diner that has a daily special but also seems to serve everything, including Chinese food. We were well served and waited on and the food was fresh and delicious.
After lunch, Caleb and Leisha took us to the show townhome in the area where they are having one built. It will be very nice for them, I liked the layout, color schemes and amount of storage space. Good choice.
The promised yard work was accomplished and is making me smile as I look out on it as I type. Following that, Wade and Gayle and Jordan and Celia joined us for a backyard barbecue.
All in all a weekend of wonderful!
Take care everyone!
On Saturday evening one of our good neighbours threw an impromptu block barbecue. It was lovely to catch up with the neighbours and their lives and just sit and relax with them. We have a wonderful group of neighbours who have kept our walk and driveway shoveled all winter and keep our front lawn looking good, one neighbour mows and waters it as we share a front lawn and another regularly edges it along the driveway and walkway. We are blessed.
My new routine for Sunday mornings is for Rod to mix up my protein smoothie while I shower and dress for church, then I drive out and pick up my Mom from the lodge, drinking the smoothie on the way. I drive back home and pick up Rod and Kenny and then we drive to church. This Sunday after church we decided to take Mom out to the Cora franchise in Okotoks. She loved it. No complaints about the portions being too large this time ;). She looked so pleased when her plate came with two blueberry pancakes, two eggs, crispy bacon and fresh fruit on the side. Once we got her back to the lodge Rod and I did our Costco shop in Okotok. Once home, I crashed for a bit and Rod put the groceries away. I hope I will be able to find them now ;)
Yesterday morning Caleb and Leisha invited us to drive out with them to see Mom B and take her out for lunch. I have to remember to include in my performance review my improved managerial abilities learned this year where I am so much better at negotiating and delegating. In this instance I negotiated first, stating that we needed to get some yard work done. I told them I would love to go if, when we got home, I could conscript some muscles into the yard. All were agreeable so off we went. We went to a real old fashioned diner that has a daily special but also seems to serve everything, including Chinese food. We were well served and waited on and the food was fresh and delicious.
After lunch, Caleb and Leisha took us to the show townhome in the area where they are having one built. It will be very nice for them, I liked the layout, color schemes and amount of storage space. Good choice.
The promised yard work was accomplished and is making me smile as I look out on it as I type. Following that, Wade and Gayle and Jordan and Celia joined us for a backyard barbecue.
All in all a weekend of wonderful!
Take care everyone!
Friday, May 17, 2013
'Them Bones'
Yesterday was bone scan day. This procedure was at the same facility that my abdominal ultrasound was at yesterday. The receptionist recognized me and instead of reviewing all my information with me she asked if anything had changed since the day before. I assured her I had not moved residence overnight. Not with this back ;)
The nuclear medicine tech also recognized me so we caught up on the antics of her twins as she injected me with the radioactive substance used to assist with the bone scan. Them she gave me a pass to go home for two hours where I puttered around the house, enjoying the sunshine and also catching up on the new growth in my garden (wish most of it wasn't weeds ;)
When I returned I was placed on the table with the scanner over my head, if I'd tried to raise my head even slightly I would have hit it. It slowly moved over my body for about twenty minutes, head to toe. Then my position was changed to arms overhead supported by a cushion and she did a SPECT scan. This part was new to me.
From my research SPECT stands for single-photon emission computerized tomography. That really helped me to understand - not! Apparently it is being used more frequently and what it does is provide a 3D image, once the pictures are compiled by a computer. It helps to analyze conditions that may be especially deep in the bone or in places that my be difficult to see with the 2-D images. My SPECT was specifically done for lower back and rib cage. After positioning me and the camera, I lay there as it rotated very slowly around my body for about another 20 minutes. It is important to stay very still while the scans are being done in order to get good pictures. At the end of my scan, the tech came out and said she was able to get 'great' pictures. The bone scan and SPECT pictures will be reviewed by the radiologist and the results will go to my oncologist. Due to the fact that this is a long weekend, she will get the results around Tuesday.
In the meantime I am going to do my best to put it all aside and enjoy my weekend. This afternoon I'll go out to see my mother and take her some clean clothes and coffee. This evening we pick up Kenny's suit for grad and will need to find the perfect tie for him to match his date's dress. I'm thinking he is going to be one handsome looking guy but I do know that, when it comes to my boys, I am slightly biased.
I am also looking forward to more puttering around the garden, getting Rod to do all the heavy stuff. Sounds like a great way to spend to weekend to me.
Take care everyone.
The nuclear medicine tech also recognized me so we caught up on the antics of her twins as she injected me with the radioactive substance used to assist with the bone scan. Them she gave me a pass to go home for two hours where I puttered around the house, enjoying the sunshine and also catching up on the new growth in my garden (wish most of it wasn't weeds ;)
When I returned I was placed on the table with the scanner over my head, if I'd tried to raise my head even slightly I would have hit it. It slowly moved over my body for about twenty minutes, head to toe. Then my position was changed to arms overhead supported by a cushion and she did a SPECT scan. This part was new to me.
From my research SPECT stands for single-photon emission computerized tomography. That really helped me to understand - not! Apparently it is being used more frequently and what it does is provide a 3D image, once the pictures are compiled by a computer. It helps to analyze conditions that may be especially deep in the bone or in places that my be difficult to see with the 2-D images. My SPECT was specifically done for lower back and rib cage. After positioning me and the camera, I lay there as it rotated very slowly around my body for about another 20 minutes. It is important to stay very still while the scans are being done in order to get good pictures. At the end of my scan, the tech came out and said she was able to get 'great' pictures. The bone scan and SPECT pictures will be reviewed by the radiologist and the results will go to my oncologist. Due to the fact that this is a long weekend, she will get the results around Tuesday.
In the meantime I am going to do my best to put it all aside and enjoy my weekend. This afternoon I'll go out to see my mother and take her some clean clothes and coffee. This evening we pick up Kenny's suit for grad and will need to find the perfect tie for him to match his date's dress. I'm thinking he is going to be one handsome looking guy but I do know that, when it comes to my boys, I am slightly biased.
I am also looking forward to more puttering around the garden, getting Rod to do all the heavy stuff. Sounds like a great way to spend to weekend to me.
Take care everyone.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Getting back
It is definitely beginning to get nice and green outside. Amazing how the trees and shrubs seem to leaf out overnight. I was driving along the boulevard leading to our house this afternoon after an appointment and everything looked so beautiful and fresh. The bulbs I planted a few months ago are ready to be planted, I am just being a little cautious and waiting until after the long weekend. I've also managed to accumulate several more plants on my weekly Costco trips to fill in the places in our yard that have been patiently waiting for some attention.
Every year I buy six hanging planters, three for the front of the house and three for the back. I space buying them out so my wallet doesn't complain too much and by last Friday I had four, with plans to complete the numbers on Monday. These plans changed in the most delightful way. My doorbell rang on Friday and a wonderful lady, who is a customer of Rod's and a fellow hockey mom from the past as well as breast cancer survivor, was at the door with two of the most beautiful hanging planters I have seen. I'm sure my jaw dropped, it was so totally unexpected. These two baskets are now proudly displayed at the front of my house on either side of the garage and I am once again humbled at the kindness of people.
Last post I mentioned the back pain I am having. I received a phone call on Monday a.m. informing me that I had a bone scan booked for May 27th. My back had been giving me a fair amount of discomfort on the weekend and the 27th seemed like a long time away with Kenny's graduation before then as well as a planned trip to Fairmont for a weekend retreat with a good friend after the grad. I really want to be able to enjoy both as comfortably as possible and I want to get digging in the garden. I prayed about it and I was considering calling my oncologist and asking if I could have some painkillers and a med for nausea on hand to tide me over until then. That afternoon my oncologist instead called me, just before I went out for a meeting at work. She asked about the pain and how I was doing and then told me that she was going to get the bone scan moved up for me and thought she would like to add an abdominal ultrasound. I was fine with that and very happy that she had called, it is reassuring to feel that my concerns were taken seriously and are being addressed.
Yesterday a.m. I got another call telling me that the ultrasound was for today and the bone scan is booked for tomorrow. I told the scheduler that she was good and she admitted that she had done some sweet talking. I posted before about the 'scan-xiety' that seems to occur when tests like these come up. I thought I was doing pretty good this afternoon but the ultrasound took an hour and then the tech came back into the room after talking to the radiologist and re-imaged an area. How wonderful then for the radiologist to send a message back in with the tech that there were no significant changes from my last ultrasound. I drove home a happy but hungry woman. The hunger is taken care of, so I am now just happy ;).
Take care everyone.
Every year I buy six hanging planters, three for the front of the house and three for the back. I space buying them out so my wallet doesn't complain too much and by last Friday I had four, with plans to complete the numbers on Monday. These plans changed in the most delightful way. My doorbell rang on Friday and a wonderful lady, who is a customer of Rod's and a fellow hockey mom from the past as well as breast cancer survivor, was at the door with two of the most beautiful hanging planters I have seen. I'm sure my jaw dropped, it was so totally unexpected. These two baskets are now proudly displayed at the front of my house on either side of the garage and I am once again humbled at the kindness of people.
Last post I mentioned the back pain I am having. I received a phone call on Monday a.m. informing me that I had a bone scan booked for May 27th. My back had been giving me a fair amount of discomfort on the weekend and the 27th seemed like a long time away with Kenny's graduation before then as well as a planned trip to Fairmont for a weekend retreat with a good friend after the grad. I really want to be able to enjoy both as comfortably as possible and I want to get digging in the garden. I prayed about it and I was considering calling my oncologist and asking if I could have some painkillers and a med for nausea on hand to tide me over until then. That afternoon my oncologist instead called me, just before I went out for a meeting at work. She asked about the pain and how I was doing and then told me that she was going to get the bone scan moved up for me and thought she would like to add an abdominal ultrasound. I was fine with that and very happy that she had called, it is reassuring to feel that my concerns were taken seriously and are being addressed.
Yesterday a.m. I got another call telling me that the ultrasound was for today and the bone scan is booked for tomorrow. I told the scheduler that she was good and she admitted that she had done some sweet talking. I posted before about the 'scan-xiety' that seems to occur when tests like these come up. I thought I was doing pretty good this afternoon but the ultrasound took an hour and then the tech came back into the room after talking to the radiologist and re-imaged an area. How wonderful then for the radiologist to send a message back in with the tech that there were no significant changes from my last ultrasound. I drove home a happy but hungry woman. The hunger is taken care of, so I am now just happy ;).
Take care everyone.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Quick check-in
It has been several days since my last post. This one will be a short one.
I've been taking it fairly easy since Tuesday, Thursday was a Herceptin infusion for me.
I have been wonderfully blessed for Mother's Day by all my handsome, intelligent, incredible sons and my beautiful 'daughters' - I couldn't ask for better ones!
On top of the usual Herceptin side effects I have been battling some back pain for the last three weeks and that has not been helpful in the energy department. They 'worked me up' on Thursday prior to the Herceptin and I'm waiting to hear the date for a bone scan that has been ordered.
Yet another opportunity to glow in the dark ;).
It was nice then to get out in the sun the last few days and let it work it's magic on me - Rod and I sat out on the deck yesterday for lunch and coffee, today we brought my Mom here and did the same for lunch once again, followed by a wonderful backyard Mother's Day barbecue this evening at one of our friends house, complete with great fun, food and fellowship!
Now it's an early evening to bed for me.
Take care everyone.
I've been taking it fairly easy since Tuesday, Thursday was a Herceptin infusion for me.
I have been wonderfully blessed for Mother's Day by all my handsome, intelligent, incredible sons and my beautiful 'daughters' - I couldn't ask for better ones!
On top of the usual Herceptin side effects I have been battling some back pain for the last three weeks and that has not been helpful in the energy department. They 'worked me up' on Thursday prior to the Herceptin and I'm waiting to hear the date for a bone scan that has been ordered.
Yet another opportunity to glow in the dark ;).
It was nice then to get out in the sun the last few days and let it work it's magic on me - Rod and I sat out on the deck yesterday for lunch and coffee, today we brought my Mom here and did the same for lunch once again, followed by a wonderful backyard Mother's Day barbecue this evening at one of our friends house, complete with great fun, food and fellowship!
Now it's an early evening to bed for me.
Take care everyone.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Can It Get Any Better Than This?
That is the question I asked myself around this time last year, before I found the lump. I had never felt better, life was good and I felt extremely blessed.
Funny then, that after everything that has transpired in my life during the year since then that I once again found myself asking the same question today and it had nothing to do with how I felt physically but everything to do with how much richer and even more blessed I feel today because of the lessons I have learned in the past year and the relationships that have been built and strengthened.
The last few days have once again been busy ones with a trip to Cranbrook after a special invitation to Keiran's third birthday party. When we arrived on Friday evening the kids had already gone to bed. We heard a small voice calling for his mother and when she went to see what he wanted he asked if we had arrived. She told him we had and asked if he wanted to come out of his room and say good night to us.
The answer was "No, I want to come out and tell them that I am three now!".
He walked into the living room with his blue 'airplane' pajamas on and stood before us for our inspection.
Keiran - "I am a three year old now!"
Grandma Laura - "I knew the minute I saw you that there was something different about you. That must be it!"
With that Keiran smiled broadly, gave us each a hug and went to bed, to dream about the 'chocolate train cake' birthday party that Leah had planned for him.
The party was a huge success, complete with a railway crossing sign, train tracks on the sidewalk and grass leading the way into a backyard of fun. A train had been constructed of appliance boxes and the kids were given paints and paintbrushes to decorate them to their heart's content. There was also a battery powered car, a trampoline, a toy lawn mower and a backyard playset to occupy the partygoers.
At the end of the day, I had the privilege of putting Keiran to bed, reading with him, singing a few of his favorite songs and then having him recite his verse for me. The verse was Proverbs 16:24 NLT - Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
I thought about those words for a while afterwards and realized that kind words provide the same benefit for the provider of those words as well as the recipient. The next morning the first thing Keiran did when he saw me was give me a hug and say "I am so glad that you are still here this morning". I had told Robin that I was going to see my grandchildren for the weekend and that it would be good medicine for me. Those kind words from Keiran on Sunday morning added 'sweetness to my soul and health to my body'.
Sunday afternoon found us back in Calgary and attending the Stars on Ice show that Caleb and Leisha had provided me tickets for as a birthday gift. The show had a theme of umbrellas and rain. The highlight of the show for me was Kurt Browning skating his 'Singing in the Rain' routine. It was perfection and he received a well deserved standing ovation following his skate. I could not help grinning ear to ear throughout his performance and for a long while afterwards. I told Rod that was one more thing I could check off my bucket list - seeing Kurt do that routine in person. Rod's quick response was that Kurt could now check performing it for 'me' off his bucket list. Gotta love my husband!
Yesterday was a couple of meetings at work in the morning (another excuse for me to see my lovely co-workers), a quick Costco trip, followed by tea and talk with Norman (read 'and brownies' :) and then my BCSCF appointment where I received the equivalent of a gold star for my homework on stress management.
Today Ev came over and we went together to take 'our' Mom out to see our other Mom. Mom B had a wonderful tea set out for us complete with angel food cake, real whipped cream and strawberries. We had such a good visit, to be treasured in our memories for sure.
On arriving home the recliner pulled me in, aching from head to foot and exhausted but smiling widely and asking myself the question 'Can life get any better than this?' Tomorrow will definitely be a day to recuperate (and submit the Performance Review that is due at noon sharp ;).
If I had been told a year ago what the next year would hold and then how I would feel I would never have believed that I would be sitting and saying that to myself and actually meaning it.
My reading from 'Jesus Calling' today seems to sum up much of what I have been learning throughout this year -
If you learn to trust Me - really trust Me - with your whole being, then nothing can separate you from My Peace. everything you endure can be put to good use by allowing it to train you in trusting Me...
Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter.
Life is good and I am extremely blessed!
Take care everyone.
Funny then, that after everything that has transpired in my life during the year since then that I once again found myself asking the same question today and it had nothing to do with how I felt physically but everything to do with how much richer and even more blessed I feel today because of the lessons I have learned in the past year and the relationships that have been built and strengthened.
The last few days have once again been busy ones with a trip to Cranbrook after a special invitation to Keiran's third birthday party. When we arrived on Friday evening the kids had already gone to bed. We heard a small voice calling for his mother and when she went to see what he wanted he asked if we had arrived. She told him we had and asked if he wanted to come out of his room and say good night to us.
The answer was "No, I want to come out and tell them that I am three now!".
He walked into the living room with his blue 'airplane' pajamas on and stood before us for our inspection.
Keiran - "I am a three year old now!"
Grandma Laura - "I knew the minute I saw you that there was something different about you. That must be it!"
With that Keiran smiled broadly, gave us each a hug and went to bed, to dream about the 'chocolate train cake' birthday party that Leah had planned for him.
The party was a huge success, complete with a railway crossing sign, train tracks on the sidewalk and grass leading the way into a backyard of fun. A train had been constructed of appliance boxes and the kids were given paints and paintbrushes to decorate them to their heart's content. There was also a battery powered car, a trampoline, a toy lawn mower and a backyard playset to occupy the partygoers.
Sunday afternoon found us back in Calgary and attending the Stars on Ice show that Caleb and Leisha had provided me tickets for as a birthday gift. The show had a theme of umbrellas and rain. The highlight of the show for me was Kurt Browning skating his 'Singing in the Rain' routine. It was perfection and he received a well deserved standing ovation following his skate. I could not help grinning ear to ear throughout his performance and for a long while afterwards. I told Rod that was one more thing I could check off my bucket list - seeing Kurt do that routine in person. Rod's quick response was that Kurt could now check performing it for 'me' off his bucket list. Gotta love my husband!
Yesterday was a couple of meetings at work in the morning (another excuse for me to see my lovely co-workers), a quick Costco trip, followed by tea and talk with Norman (read 'and brownies' :) and then my BCSCF appointment where I received the equivalent of a gold star for my homework on stress management.
Today Ev came over and we went together to take 'our' Mom out to see our other Mom. Mom B had a wonderful tea set out for us complete with angel food cake, real whipped cream and strawberries. We had such a good visit, to be treasured in our memories for sure.
On arriving home the recliner pulled me in, aching from head to foot and exhausted but smiling widely and asking myself the question 'Can life get any better than this?' Tomorrow will definitely be a day to recuperate (and submit the Performance Review that is due at noon sharp ;).
If I had been told a year ago what the next year would hold and then how I would feel I would never have believed that I would be sitting and saying that to myself and actually meaning it.
My reading from 'Jesus Calling' today seems to sum up much of what I have been learning throughout this year -
If you learn to trust Me - really trust Me - with your whole being, then nothing can separate you from My Peace. everything you endure can be put to good use by allowing it to train you in trusting Me...
Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter.
Life is good and I am extremely blessed!
Take care everyone.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Picking up the Pieces
The title of this post is the title of a book by Sherri Magee and Kathy Scalzo. The full title of the book is Picking up the Pieces: Moving Forward After Surviving Cancer. The workshop called The Healing Plan that I attended a couple of weeks ago was based on the material in this book. I had fully intended to post more about it before now but life seemed to get busy once again.
Many of the people on the forum that I belong to are surprised that at the end of their active treatment they feel a bit lost, possibly depressed and question 'What now?'. For months their lives were focused intently on making it through grueling treatments and surgeries and regular appointments with oncologists and surgeons where they are closely monitored. There is a comfort and security that can come with this, when treatment ends and the period of time between appointments and testing is longer it can feel like they are being abandoned. One lady said that when her treatment ended she asked her oncologist what was next and he told her to 'get a life'. She was offended at first but as she started to consider what he had meant she realized that what he was saying to her was to go and live her life. She wasn't quite sure how to do this though.
One of the common fears following treatment is of recurrence, metastases and/or death. In the workshop this was addressed by relating the experience of one person who, once finished active treatment, was afraid to plan too far ahead, was constantly monitoring every bump, ache and pain and was always anxious and afraid - unable to move forward or 'return to normal'. Her husband told her that she reminded him of a jittery caribou. When she asked him what that meant he explained that he had been reading about the Arctic caribou and was fascinated to find out that when they migrated the wolves travelled right in amongst them. He likened the wolves to cancer. He told her that the caribou needed to be aware of the wolves but that the smart ones kept themselves strong by continuing to move forward toward their goal. Staying strong also meant regular times of rest and nourishment. They were careful to remain close to the other caribou and not let themselves get isolated. They used all their senses to stay alert and aware. The jittery caribou were overaware of the wolves and might stop moving or panic and bolt when the wolves drew closer, unintentionally making themselves more vulnerable. They let fear take over.
The advice drawn from this analogy and provided to us as workshop participants was to do what we could to nourish and build ourselves up physically, emotionally, in our relationships and spiritually. We were encouraged to take an area we wanted to address like sleep, managing stress, fear or nutrition and set a goal for that area of our lives and then identify what steps we could work on that would take us in the direction of wellness in that area. We were advised that it is good to remember the 80/20 rule as we worked on the new behaviors and incorporated them into our lives.
One of the practices that was suggested was a five question check-in every day. The questions to ask ourselves during these check-ins are -
1. What is happening in my body?
2. How am I feeling emotionally?
3. When I let my thoughts wander, what do I find myself thinking about?
4. Who did I connect with?
5. What gave me a sense of peace?
This can help identify areas that are going well and areas that may need attention.
I was telling a few people about this the other day and their response was that this would be a good practice for anyone to do daily, not just cancer patients. I agreed.
Take care everyone.
Many of the people on the forum that I belong to are surprised that at the end of their active treatment they feel a bit lost, possibly depressed and question 'What now?'. For months their lives were focused intently on making it through grueling treatments and surgeries and regular appointments with oncologists and surgeons where they are closely monitored. There is a comfort and security that can come with this, when treatment ends and the period of time between appointments and testing is longer it can feel like they are being abandoned. One lady said that when her treatment ended she asked her oncologist what was next and he told her to 'get a life'. She was offended at first but as she started to consider what he had meant she realized that what he was saying to her was to go and live her life. She wasn't quite sure how to do this though.
One of the common fears following treatment is of recurrence, metastases and/or death. In the workshop this was addressed by relating the experience of one person who, once finished active treatment, was afraid to plan too far ahead, was constantly monitoring every bump, ache and pain and was always anxious and afraid - unable to move forward or 'return to normal'. Her husband told her that she reminded him of a jittery caribou. When she asked him what that meant he explained that he had been reading about the Arctic caribou and was fascinated to find out that when they migrated the wolves travelled right in amongst them. He likened the wolves to cancer. He told her that the caribou needed to be aware of the wolves but that the smart ones kept themselves strong by continuing to move forward toward their goal. Staying strong also meant regular times of rest and nourishment. They were careful to remain close to the other caribou and not let themselves get isolated. They used all their senses to stay alert and aware. The jittery caribou were overaware of the wolves and might stop moving or panic and bolt when the wolves drew closer, unintentionally making themselves more vulnerable. They let fear take over.
The advice drawn from this analogy and provided to us as workshop participants was to do what we could to nourish and build ourselves up physically, emotionally, in our relationships and spiritually. We were encouraged to take an area we wanted to address like sleep, managing stress, fear or nutrition and set a goal for that area of our lives and then identify what steps we could work on that would take us in the direction of wellness in that area. We were advised that it is good to remember the 80/20 rule as we worked on the new behaviors and incorporated them into our lives.
One of the practices that was suggested was a five question check-in every day. The questions to ask ourselves during these check-ins are -
1. What is happening in my body?
2. How am I feeling emotionally?
3. When I let my thoughts wander, what do I find myself thinking about?
4. Who did I connect with?
5. What gave me a sense of peace?
This can help identify areas that are going well and areas that may need attention.
I was telling a few people about this the other day and their response was that this would be a good practice for anyone to do daily, not just cancer patients. I agreed.
Take care everyone.
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