The Good and the Bad

I'm not sure if the title I chose today is the best one but I can't seem to come up with another one so I'll try it out and see.

Yesterday the lunch that I had booked needed to be cancelled as the friend I was to meet had a car accident. It snowed yesterday morning and as she was waiting at a stoplight her car was rear ended. Fortunately, she said she was feeling OK following the accident but there were details to take care of.

The coffee date was lovely. I met a lady I had heard of through a friend, we were diagnosed close to the same time and we have been following each other's progress since. Through Facebook we had 'friended' each other and sent some messages back and forth but this was our first meeting. Our mutual friend was to join us but she was delayed. As I was walked into Starbucks it seems I was recognized right away, hopefully not because my wig was so obvious or possibly not sitting right ;). I was greeted with homemade muffins, jelly and coffee - I can see why my friend thinks so highly of this lady. Coffee lasted almost two hours with our friend joining us about thirty minutes into it, a very nice time. Today I am celebrating with this lady as she had her final radiation and her treatment is now complete.

When I arrived home I responded to a phone message from my cousin and was sorry to hear that my uncle had passed away on Tuesday. This was my mother's brother and before her hospitalization they had lived in the same lodge, he would go to her room and escort her to her meals each day. I let my Mom know this morning, hard for her.

I had a good talk this a.m. with my Saskatchewan chemo buddy as I had heard she had some complications last weekend. She was hospitalized for four days with an infection and is now home and doing better. In spite of everything she had been through and how scary it all was for her she was describing her wonderful view and her spacious hospital room to me. Quite a lady!

My lunch today was with a friend I met through the autism association I have been involved with, she is a warm and caring person and does great work in supporting families and people on the autism spectrum. The restaurant officially closed at three, we were told we could stay and continue to talk if we liked but I think when they started vacuuming it was their cue for us to wrap things up ;).

At home I once again was called by my Mom's lodge, they haven't missed a day since she moved in ;). When we were told of her impending move to this lodge we realized that we would need to obtain a bed for Mom. The previous lodge had supplied one so she had given away the beds that had been in her home at the time of that move. The manager of the new lodge seemed understanding about this and said they could temporarily supply a bed. Call me naive but I never thought to ask if  there was a charge for the bed, nor had anyone told me about a charge when the bed was offered. We had already arranged to pick up a bed and have it out to Mom's room by end of day tomorrow but the business manager had been to see my Mom to tell her about the rather significant charge and the fact that tomorrow was a new month precipitating a charge for next month also.  My Mom's distress at this was what prompted her phone call to me. Poor Mom, this wasn't something she needed to be presented with, especially today. I'm afraid my reaction to the news was probably not what the business manager had been expecting either.

Hopefully we'll get things straightened out next week, meanwhile I am getting lots of opportunity to look for the hidden treasure every day and it is always there. Besides yesterday's coffee and today's lunch, the mail also brought a card and a Starbuck's gift card from one of my favorite co-workers from my Day Surgery days. She had lots of good things happening in her life to share, not the least of which is a second grandchild, a 7 month old boy. Her other offering was hope as she is a cancer survivor herself.

God is good.

Take care.

Busy Days

Chemo No. 6 is rapidly approaching and, as usual, I am trying to put as much into week three as possible.

I have bloodwork and my oncologist appointment on Monday afternoon and, if all is well, I will have my final 'big' chemo on Tuesday afternoon. It will be good to get that one out of the way and move on to just having the Herceptin infusion every three weeks through to August 2013. I am very interested to see which of my side effects can be attributed to the Taxotere and Neulasta and which of them I will continue to experience with the Herceptin alone. I am very hopeful that I will no longer require any Neulasta shots in the future.

While I am not always thrilled when I look in the mirror and see the aging effects of the chemo on my body or attempt a flight of stairs and find myself winded and feeling like my legs are encased in cement I am grateful that I have made it to this point without any real serious side effects. I was very much reminded of this when the lady that I sat with during her first chemo was hospitalized last weekend for an infection. It seems that things are back on track for her although her next chemo will be delayed a week to give her body time to recover. Chemo is serious stuff.

Yesterday I worked on gathering items for the children's treat bags I make each year for our church's Christmas dinner/program. I was able to make pretty good headway on the edible portions of the bag contents, a little more work will be required on the entertainment parts but I have some ideas and I am pleased.

I made a quick visit out to see my Mom yesterday also. I seem to get at least one phone call from the lodge every day, I hope things settle down soon. There are still financial aspects to be dealt with. I  hadn't anticipated that supplies the nurses use in caring for my Mom would be ordered from the drugstore and charged to her and I will have to look into that. Lots to learn.

Today, I went 'to work' for 10:30 a.m. and stayed to about 3 p.m. I'm thinking I kind of like those hours. Maybe I'll have to do some negotiating when I really go back and I'm not just playing like I was when I went in today. ;)

Tonight's post is a bit late as I also had to get an assignment in for my Business Analysis course. I'm not sure how I've managed to do it, but I'm already a little behind in this class and I know that next week may be a write off so I want to get caught up and possibly ahead before next week.

Tomorrow is an early lunch with a good friend followed by coffee with a couple of other lovely ladies. Friday finds me lunching yet again. Life is tough, eh? ;)

Long day, this post is showing that. Need my beauty sleep more than ever these days so going to head to bed.

Take care, everyone.

I am Rich

My co-worker and friend Wenda is responsible for the title of today's post.

This a.m. was one of the Monday's where I go into work for a couple of meetings and try to keep up on all that is going on so I don't fall too far behind. Before I left this morning Rod came back into the house with a package that had been left on our doorstep. When I opened it there was a beautiful handmade quilt with a card that said - 'One who sleeps under a quilt is comforted by love' and 'Wrap yourself in the prayers and thoughts of the body of Christ - from the members of the Edmonton Christian Assembly'. Wow! Great way to start the day. The quilt promises to bring lots of comfort and I will use it well.

Once at work, Wenda and I took our tea into a meeting room and went through a few things related to work for about three quarters of an hour, then visited. She told me that she sees how rich I am when she reads my blog. Rich in my relationship with God and in the wonderful support of all my family and friends. She is right, I am rich and I hope I do not take any of it for granted.

Following our meeting, the rest of my co-workers surprised me with a little meeting where they presented me with a present from the team. I need to correct that. It was a very generous present from the team and a few other people. Rod and I are going to be thoroughly pampered for a weekend of our choosing - first by the mountain panorama that will be surrounding us there and then by all sorts of extras above and beyond our accommodation for two nights (including more chocolate dipped strawberries :).

Wow again! All of this in one morning and it wasn't even 1030 yet! It was lovely to sit and visit with everyone, I hope they don't mind that I think I miss that even more than I miss the 'working with them' part (and that is a joy, honest ;).

Following the work 'meetings' I went home and made lunch and talked myself into going over to Wellsprings for my last ceramics class. This was really to be a bit of a celebration as we received our finished vases and each of us brought something to eat to share from our finished vase. Once there I was very glad I went. There was lots of sharing and visiting, so many stories and inspiring people. One thing I do notice when I am around these ladies is that there seems to be a peace and a lack of stress or rushing around about them, no 'me first' attitude but a quiet attitude of 'in honor preferring one another' - both while we were making our vases and today while we shared everyone's food offerings. This made for a wonderful atmosphere to sit and relax in.

Now I am once again home and I guess I had better quit being quite so laid back and get up and make some supper so Kenny can make it to hockey practice on time. I have several options for a quick supper in my fridge just waiting for me, whichever choice I make it will be accompanied by the fresh raw veggies Ev continues to faithfully supply us with.

I am definitely rich in all the ways that really count.

Take care, everyone.

Settling In

The last two days have been largely spent helping my mother get a little more settled in at her new lodge.

Ev came and picked me up yesterday a.m. and drove me out to the lodge where we unpacked and organized more of Mom's things. Mom and I met with the management about some of the financial arrangements for her stay. Ev took Mom back up to her floor for lunch, while I checked out the shops downstairs and got the phone number for the beauty salon. I arranged to have her hair done for Wednesday of next week, which will make her feel a whole lot better. Once I joined them upstairs, Ev and I sat with Mom while she ate her lunch, I smiled at Mom's reaction after she finished her soup and the next course came. It has been very predictable for many years that when ordering food she will say 'not too much' and when food is placed before her in a restaurant she will roll her eyes and say 'that's too much'. Not yesterday. When her plate of fish sticks and 'tater tots' was placed in front of her she blurted out 'That's it?' ;)

Ev and I went out for a wonderful lunch following our visit with Mom, it was so enjoyable to just sit and visit and feel good enough to do so after the previous week. We did draw a little attention from the other diners when we burst into spontaneous laughter and then had some trouble stopping. Ev had been telling me about a time that she and her family had gone to see 'The Passion Play' in Drumheller. It had been a very wet and cloudy day. In the play Jesus was kneeling praying in the Garden of Gethsemane when the clouds in the sky broke and a ray of sunlight came down right on the actor playing Jesus. Just then a rooster crowed. She said the whole crowd gasped. My response was that you can't orchestrate something like that, like 'cue sunshine' (pointing to the sky) and 'cue rooster' (pointing to the left of me). We both looked to the left of me just then and noticed that the wallpaper border there was covered in roosters. Maybe we were tired, but it struck us as quite funny.

Today, Rod and I went shopping and bought a chest of drawers that would work in Mom's room. He put it together while I got a few more of her things ready to take out to her. With perfect timing once again, Caleb arrived, visited with us for a bit, shopped in 'Grandma Laura's' store for a suitable present for a two year old's birthday celebration this evening and helped move Mom's things to Rod's truck. He offered to go with us to the lodge, we gladly took him up on the offer. Today's items are in place in Mom's room now, it is looking quite nice and more like her room all the time. After a quick visit it was back to the city and time for a rest for me.

Hard to believe that I can still let myself get worried at times about how things are going to work out when I look back on weeks and days like the last few and how everything has fallen so beautifully into place.Oh me of little faith ;)

I'll work on that.

Take care, everyone.

A Thankful Attitude

Today is American Thanksgiving and I want to wish all my friends in the States a very Happy Thanksgiving, I hope you are having or have had a wonderful day.

Today's reading in Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional by Sarah Young had a thankful attitude as it's theme -

'A thankful attitude opens windows of heaven. Spiritual blessings fall freely onto you through those openings into eternity. Moreoever, as you look up with a grateful heart, you get glimpses of glory through those windows. You cannot yet live in heaven, but you can experience foretastes of your ultimate home. Such samples of heavenly fare revive your hope. Thankfulness opens you up to these experiences, which then provide further reasons to be grateful. Thus, your path becomes an upwards spiral: ever increasing in gladness.

Thankfulness is not some sort of magic formula; it is the language of Love, which enables you to communicate intimately with Me. A thankful mind-set does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems. Instead, it rejoices in Me, your Savior, in the midst of trials and tribulations. I am your refuge and strength, an ever-present and well-proved help in trouble.'

The first paragraph says that two of the by-products of a thankful attitude are hope and gladness. I like that.

The second paragraph says that 'a thankful mindset does not entail a denial of reality'. When I have a thankful attitude I am making a conscious choice to be grateful even through trials and tribulations. My focus is not on the struggles of this life but it is on God, who is greater than all my problems and ever present with me, whatever I may be going through.

My cousin Deanna posted this on Facebook today and I am going to re-post it here -

'It is not happy people who are thankful;
It is thankful people who are happy.'

Thanks Deanna :) -

 Take care, everyone. Keep looking up.
.

Working out the Details

Busy day yesterday!

I drove Kenny to school as a treat for him not to have to take the bus and then proceeded over to the hospital. I spent about one and a half hours going through Mom's things and packing them for her move and while I was in the room several staff members were in and out.

Following my hospital visit with Mom I went to Costco and picked up my groceries as well as a smaller TV for her new room. I was quite tired and once I hit the checkout I guess it showed. One of the 'helpers' worked with me to get my things out of my cart and she smiled and said 'You have had a day already, haven't you?' That meant a lot to me to have that acknowledgement at that moment in time.

At the next aisle I was drawn to another cart making it's way through that checkout. In the front part of the cart, laid out lengthwise was a small girl of about 3 or 4. She was sound asleep and the picture of peace amidst all the noise and chaos that was going on around her. In front of her, standing guard was her older brother, making sure she was not disturbed as she slept, occasionally rubbing her foot. This touched me, it felt like God was speaking to me through it. The clerk at my checkout also seemed to be affected by the scene, commenting on it to me. 

Once home, I completed this week's assignment for my Business Analysis online course that started on Monday and then had a lengthy phone call with my 'Saskatchewan friend' who is also going through her breast cancer/chemo journey with me. Wonderful to share experiences once again, no one knows like someone who has or is going through it.
 

Washroom in Mom's room

There were two times in the last two days where I unabashedly used the 'cancer card' when dealing with my Mom's move. The first time was on Monday when I had arranged with the lodge to book their loading dock for yesterday evening, in order to have some of her things in her room when she got there. There was no trouble booking the loading dock but late Monday afternoon I received a phone call. The person calling told me that since we were moving some of Mom's things into her room the night before they would have to start charging her for the room from that day, rather than Wednesday. I was taken aback by this. I said I was going through chemo currently and unable to move her things myself during the daytime. I told them Rod and Kenny were unavailable to help me Wednesday evening due to Kenny's hockey and that Mom was already being charged for her hospital room daily so, if it meant an extra charge for her, we would just have to wait to move her things until later in the week, probably the weekend. I was put on hold, when the person came back they said not to worry, they wouldn't charge for the room until she came on Wednesday. We moved some of her things out last evening, I've added a few pictures of the lodge, it certainly doesn't look like any care facility I have been in before. Wondering if I can book my room now?

Main Lobby - entrance of lodge

Sitting area just outside of Mom's room

Built in kitchenette area in room with sink, appliances provided

Larger sitting area on Mom's floor with coffee bar

Dining area

The second time I used the 'cancer card' was last evening about 5:30 when I received a call from the hospital. They told me Mom was being discharged at 0800 today and to be at the hospital by then. I clarified with them that Mom was being transported to the lodge, they agreed but said that EMS wouldn't take her things and I would have to do that. I told them I had been in her room packing things most of the morning and not once did anyone tell me that her things wouldn't be transported with her. I told them I wouldn't be able to make it back that evening and I couldn't guarantee how I would be feeling in the morning due to the after effects of chemo. They said for sure EMS would not be willing to take her walker so I would have to deal with it, this is where I said "That's ridiculous, she can't even maneuver a couple of feet without it, how can they not take it with her?" I guess I sounded emphatic enough, they said they would deal with it from their end. I hear from them that she has her walker with her this morning as she is being transported.

We have freezing rain and weather advisories for snow from 5 - 15 centimeters here today, the roads are not good. I am very thankful to be inside at the moment with no great urgency to be out in it.

Take care, everyone.

A Lot of Good People Out There

In the past few days I have been so impressed by how many good people there really are 'out there'.
Last week was evidence with the people that so readily accommodated my need for rides on Thursday.
The Breast Cancer forum I belong to is also more evidence. This supportive group of ladies from all over the world reach out to each other at all stages of their journeys to help each other out, in  whatever form might be required for each situation. Last week proved this again by the support that was given to the lady that I sat with during her first chemo, in the days following her chemo. In addition, on one particular thread that I belong to, many that have now completed their treatment are coming back to continue to support those of us who are still going through our treatment, giving much needed encouragement and hope. One of these ladies started a 2013 Survivors thread so we could all stay in contact and there is the hope that we can arrange for as many of us as possible to get together to meet at some point in the hopefully not too distant future.
In other areas of my life, when I mentioned my mother moving and our need for a bed for her, we were immediately approached with the offer of a bed that the user has the ability to raise the head or knees on. What a blessing to know this item is taken care of.
I stayed pretty quiet again through the day yesterday and it was late afternoon when Rod and Kenny came home from church followed by a hockey practice for Kenny. What a pleasant surprise to see Rod carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Steph and Mike with a nice card to go with. Just because. :)
This a.m. I once again found myself at Wellsprings, the house that offers programs for people dealing with cancer. This morning's program was called 'Cancer Chic' and it is put on by two ladies who have gone through the cancer experience themselves. Once through, they got together and started this organization to do workshops to help other women going through treatment. The workshop was 2 1/2 hours long and was comprised of 3 parts, each part starting with the person presenting sharing their cancer story  - the first part was presented by a lady who spoke to how exercise helped her through her treatment and recovery (she was a shining example of fitness and very inspirational), the second was a makeup demonstration, complete with donated samples of chemical free makeup products, and participants as models for various techniques, with the last part being about dealing with hair loss, the emotional component and then some practical tips along with pictures of this woman's hair re growth over the past two years and the different styles along the way. In addition to the makeup samples provided, there were goodie bags containing lots of other products and handouts to go along with the information presented. One of the packages that was provided in our bags was from a lady who heard of what these ladies were doing and wanted to do something to add, the beautifully presented package of products from her were her way of doing this. At this point in my treatment, gestures like this mean so much. Oprah's 'My Favorite Things' was on TV last evening and she made a statement that it wasn't the 'things' that were received that would speak to the people who received them but the fact that they were recognized and made to feel good on that day that they would remember. I agree.
I remained at Wellsprings this afternoon for my second ceramics class, the vase does look much better following being 'fired'. Today we glazed and the vases will be fired once again, apparently the type of glaze we used will make them look 'glass-like' and can hide a multitude of sins. We shall see.
On my way out, there was a new receptionist at the desk. We glanced at each other and then each of us did second takes. The lady manning the desk was someone I had worked with as we implemented the electronic health record in our health region, someone who I have great respect for. She lost her husband to cancer a few years ago. We caught up a little with each other and I found out that she uses vacation time to do volunteer shifts for Wellsprings, her way of giving back.
There are a so many good people out there! I am going to leave you with a video that was placed on Facebook today by someone who has been following and encouraging me in my cancer journey as she is also going through her own cancer journey. It sums up this post. Thank you, Joan.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=y-Q0XTAPWi4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dy-Q0XTAPWi4
Take care, everyone.

Taking it Easy

Today and yesterday,  I am definitely movng slower and feeling tired, I am so glad that most of my post-chemo activites were centred around Thursday this week and that I can take it easier now. I am also very thankful that my mother misunderstood and that she is not moving to her new lodge this weekend but moving on Wednesday of next week. That relieves the pressure and allows a little more time.

I did go out and run an errand yesterday morning and picked up my Neulasta (Nutella for you, Al ;), which I have since given myself and I am hopeful that it is the last one I will need. I am very grateful that the cost of it was all covered, I am reminded of what a blessing this is when I see the amount on the prescription followed by 'patient pays 0.00'. I was definitely much more achy last evening and during today and had GI symptoms throughout the night.

I received a wonderful parcel in the mail this week from my niece Amanda that contained some teas ideally suited to help digestively and I have a cup of freshly brewed tea beside me to sip on as I am posting. Looking forward to these weekend symptoms to be over and done with. Not a very exciting post but 'it is what it is'. Thank you, Amanda, your gift couldn't have been more timely.

Take care, everyone.

A Day Well Spent

As I sit here and post I am tired but it feels like a good tired and that today turned out exactly as it was meant to be.

I had promised one of the ladies in town who requires chemotherapy that I would be there for her first chemo session and I wanted to keep that promise. She was supposed to have had her initial chemo last week, which was on a week 3 post chemo for me and would have worked very well. That didn't work out and so her first chemo fell to this a.m., two days post chemo for me. I wondered whether I would be able to keep that promise but with a little help from my friends I did it.

Right after chemo I do not like to drive as I find my eyes are a little fuzzy and it takes a day or two to feel like I am safe out there. This meant that I would need rides to and from my activities today. Everything worked out so well, I hope the people who gave me the rides felt the same way ;).

My friend and co-worker Nicki had a meeting scheduled at the site where the Cancer Centre is for exactly the same time as this lady's chemo. I quickly emailed her and she readily agreed to pick me up and drive me there first thing this morning. In the afternoon a few of the ladies in the church and I had arranged to meet to discuss the Christmas dinner and program. Ev was one of these ladies and lives very close to the Cancer Centre, she agreed to pick me up from there about 1230 and Jane lives on my side of town so she became my ride home. I couldn't have asked for better chauffeurs.

'Benny' met me exactly where we had agreed and we went down to the Medical Day Care. There wasn't much of a wait at all, a young nurse name Stephanie called 'Benny' and escorted us to Area A where she was placed in a chair. 'Benny' has a needle phobia and did not have a port so she needed to have an IV initiated. She was very brave and I did my best to keep her distracted. As a nurse, I have to say that her veins are some of the best I have seen, so it was quick work for Stephanie.

The first chemo was the epirubicin push which took the most amount of time - four syringes which are pushed manually, just as I had with my first three chemo sessions. 'Benny' was a trooper throughout. Following that the 5FU and cyclosphosphamide seemed to take hardly any time at all as we visited throughout.

'Benny' did so well, her last obstacle being the removal of the IV, which she was also a little squeamish about but was nothing after all. What a privilege to have been able to be there with her, she will do fine in her subsequent chemo's and she is well prepared for handling her first few days post chemo at home.

Take care everyone.

Almost Done

Well, I am almost done chemo 5! I am sitting here with the last of the Herceptin infusing which will be followed by half an hour of observation and I am almost done the 'big' chemo, with only one more to go before I am on Herceptin only every three weeks until August. Rod is sitting beside me totally engrossed in the new John Grisham novel called 'The Racketeer' that I found at Costco this morning. I looked through the Pinterest site at the beginning of chemo but needed a break from that after a bit so here I am.

This morning I spent a fair amount of time on the phone but it was profitable. I arranged for my next Neulasta shot to be ordered and available for me for Friday. I talked to the manager at the lodge my Mom is slated to go to and a few more details are taken care of there. I also talked to a social worker from the hospital and explained some of the concerns regarding finances. I attempted to talk to the social worker at the new lodge but she was sick today so hopefully she will be better tomorrow. The unit called me about noon and told me they were under quarantine for Norovirus. The doctor did not want me to come and visit Mom this afternoon as I had planned. She is well but they are just taking precautions. The other precaution is that they are not allowed to transfer anyone out or in to the unit until the quarantine is lifted. That means that Mom won't be going to the lodge tomorrow. She will now have more time to get used to the idea and we have more time to prepare and acquire what we need for her, including a hospital bed. No furniture is provided in the room at this lodge whereas in the previous lodge she was provided with a dresser and bed. The extra time we now have is a real answer to prayer.
That's about it for now, I do appreciate everyone's prayers and support, I truly believe that it is making a wonderful difference in how I am tolerating this whole experience - thank you.

Take care :)

As your day, so shall your strength be

The long weekend is over. Rod and I had such a lovely time grandparenting Keiran and Lilly this weekend while Justin, Leah and Forrest went to a marriage enrichment weekend. Keiran and Lilly were so good for us, it was a busy time but I have lots of wonderful memories for the weeks to come.

Tomorrow is chemo in the afternoon and in the morning will be a Costco trip and a few phone calls regarding the transfer of my Mom to the new care facility in the nearby town. She won't be happy about going there as change and the unknown is difficult for her. As long as the financial aspects can be worked out fairly quickly, I think she will eventually learn to like this facility. I will take it one day at a time and see what my energy levels allow as far as getting out there and getting some of her things to her to help her settle in. It will all work out.

With the new chemo, I find that I have more aches and pains than I did with the old regimen and I tire quite easily. My two big toenails look like they will be casualties but I was aware that this may happen. I can't say I am looking forward to tomorrow as this time I never did get back to feeling good, even during week 3. I started my pre-chemo steroids this afternoon and I am fluid loading as directed. I'm trying to be good about my diet but I have to confess that when I am at home alone in the daytime I am not as motivated to eat well, especially when the taste of food is impacted by the chemo.

My reading for yesterday in "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young was very pertinent to what is going on in my life.

Do not let any set of circumstances intimidate you. The more challenging your day, the more of My Power I place at your disposal. You seem to think that I empower you equally each day, but this is not so. Your tendency upon awakening is to assess the difficulties ahead of you, measuring them against your average strength. This is an exercise in unreality.

I know what each of your days will contain, and I empower you accordingly. The degree to which I strengthen you on a given day is based mainly on two variables:  the difficulty of your circumstances, and your willingness to depend on Me for help. Try to view challenging days as opportunities to receive more of My Power than usual.  Look to Me for all that you need, and watch to see what I will do. As your day, so shall your strength be.

Nice to be able to rest in the knowledge that it is not my strength I am dependent on.

Take care, everyone.

The Wisdom of Children

On today's post I will share a conversation I had today with Keiran, my 2 1/2 year old grandson -

Keiran, pointing to a picture - That's Grandpa Rod.
Me - Yes, that is Grandpa Rod.
Keiran, pointing to me in the picture - Who's that?
Me - That's me, Grandma Laura.
Keiran - That was you when you had hair?
Me - Yes, I had hair then.
Keiran - Where did your hair go?
Me - Grandma had to have special strong medicine that made her hair fall out.
Keiran - Will the hair come back?
Me - Yes, my hair will grow back.
Keiran - If I have medicine will my hair fall out?
Me - No Keiran, only the special strong medicine makes hair fall out.
Keiran - If I have medicine for flu my hair won't fall out?
Me - No, medicine for flu won't make your hair fall out.
Keiran - If you have to have special medicine again, your hair will fall out again?
Me - Yes, Keiran, if I have to have special strong medicine again my hair will probably fall out again.
Keiran, matter of factly - Oh.

With his curiosity satisfied he went off to play, with a pretty good understanding for someone so young.

Given the 'all clear'

Today was my lab work and medical oncologist visit to see if I was good to go for chemo on Tuesday and by the end of my visit I received the 'all clear'. While my hemoglobin and platelets are a little on the low side, the oncologist was most impressed by my neutrophils which are in the normal range. This means that the Neulasta is definitely doing it's work and that all the associated aches and pains have been worth it.

The weather here is not conducive to being out and about but that is where I found myself yesterday and today due to my appointments. We are under a snowfall warning and have received a fair amount of it in two days and the temperature has been falling.

After my appointments regarding chemo I went to visit my Mom and then went out for a two hour lunch with Robin (for anybody from work that is checking up on us, it could be considered a business lunch as about an hour of it was spent discussing work, honest ;). I was very spoiled on the way over, Robin picked me up right at the doors of the Cancer Center and when I got in her car the seat warmer had been turned on for a bit and so was nice and toasty warm - heaven!

Following lunch I had my radiation oncologist appointment at a different location closer to the downtown area. When the radiation oncologist walked in she was accompanied by a very young looking guy who shook my hand and introduced himself as Jordan, the med student. I told him that my second son's name is Jordan. He asked me how old my Jordan was and seemed surprised when I answered with 27. He said that was about how old he was also. He was quite sweet so I cooperated with his questioning and examination, but it did kind of feel like when my boys were toddlers and they wanted me to pretend to be the patient while they used their doctor kits to treat me. In their cases treating always seemed to require them using the needle in the kit on me, usually more than once. I was spared that today. Thank you, Jordan ;)

There is a part of the pathology report that they are going to have clarified by the pathologist, the radiation oncologist felt there may have been an error in transcription. The information the pathologist provides may change my decision but at this point in time after reviewing everything currently known with them I felt the risks outweighed the benefits. My biggest risk is not a local recurrence, which is what radiation is aimed at preventing, I am at greater risk of distant metastases due to the positive lymph nodes and HER2 receptor positive status. The chemo is aimed at preventing that. It will be a relief if I don't have to undergo radiation on a daily basis in the middle of winter.

It took a bit to get home with the snow and ice covered roads adding to rush hour congestion. Once home I had a message on the answering machine that said my mother would be moved to a lodge in a nearby town on Wednesday. Not good timing for me with chemo on Tuesday. When I called the  number of the lodge that would be receiving her there were several other concerns that were brought to light, including several financial aspects. It is a long weekend here so, with the exception of leaving a few messages on the transition services coordinator's voicemail, my concerns will have to be dealt with on Tuesday.

Just in time to lighten my mood Justin, Leah and family arrived. Great fun, and more on the way in the next couple of days! I had the privilege of putting Keiran to bed. He was quite energetic and seemed to be bouncing off the walls and bed at the beginning but quickly settled after a story and my singing of a few songs to him. Haven't heard a peep from him since but I'm thinking that morning might come very early so I will go indulge in a nice warm bath and crawl into a bed that has been warmed by a heating pad (inspired by Robin's pre-heated carseat). Life is good,

Take care, everyone.

And miles to go ...

As chemo continues, I am finding that the cumulative effects are taking a bit of a toll on my energy supply and this can be a little discouraging when I look at all that I want to accomplish yet this week, prior to another chemo session next Tuesday.

Yesterday, I ran some errands and then went to see my mother in the morning. Together we managed to get some more details taken care of in regards to her move away from the lodge. Following my visit with her, I drove to the lodge and completed the final walk-through of her room with the assistant manager. As I was standing at the reception desk, I felt a hug from behind and turned to find Jane. Jane is very resourceful, a good person to give a task to that might seem daunting to others. On Tuesday, Jane was on a mission to find a fairly large number of slippers at a reasonable price to be given to and used by the participants in a married couples weekend. The facility they are using this coming weekend does not allow outside footwear to be worn inside. Jane had remembered my mother telling her of the ladies knitting group at the lodge and Jane was there to check to see if this group could be a possible source for the slippers. We walked out together, me with a small bag and Jane carrying the large bag that had my Mom's bedspreads and blanket in it, the last of the belongings from the room for me to move. As I opened the back of my car for Jane to place the bag in, I felt a need to explain the various items I had accummulated that morning on my errands, explaining that some items were due to the grandchildren coming this weekend, some were supplies required for some homemade Christmas gifts and a couple were just items that would hopefully meet some needs that I had identified in the last week or so. Jane smiled and made a remark about the busyness of week 3, she is coming to know my chemo routine well.

This morning found me at work for a couple of meetings. Once again, it was so nice to see everyone and to be treated as a member of a business team, not a patient. Following the meetings, I made a trip to get my car washed before it snowed again and stopped at a Superstore to see if they had some items I still hadn't been able to locate for my Christmas giving. As I walked the aisles, I could feel the weariness creeping up on me and was happy to pay for my purchases and contemplate home and my recliner. In the parking lot I thought I was making good progress on my way to my car, but a truck behind me didn't seem to think I was moving fast enough or in the right direction and honked, pulling around me and gunning it's motor as it passed, as if to reinforce it's irritation. Some part of me wanted to whip my wig off just to remind the occupant that all is not always as it seems and patience can be a virtue. I resisted the urge.

As I said at the beginning of my post, I was feeling a little discouraged as this evening waxed on and my energy continued to wane. How wonderful then to receive not one, but three encouraging messages from others, all within a half hour, managing to change my discouraged frown into a big smile. Once again, God is good.

Jane posted a video to Facebook today that I am adding a link for here, it might help to explain why my energy levels are being depleted without much to show for them. I hope it brings a smile. Thanks, Jane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7Rkg-r5BR8&feature=share

Take care everyone.

Arts and Crafts

Well, it's come down to this, I spent this afternoon making a vase that makes my children's elementary school offerings look like masterpieces in comparison.

I look around sometimes at the various places that I find myself during any given week and think - 'So, this is now my life'. It can still seem so surreal. 

Back in the summer when I had more energy and wondered what I would do with my time while I was off work I signed up for a ceramics course at Wellsprings, which is a house that was built on donated land. The house is a meeting place for any and all people in the city who have received a cancer diagnosis and offers many groups and classes as well as just a nice retreat to go to during the week.

I arrived a little early as I had never been there before and wanted to give myself time for getting lost. I didn't get lost but I did get detoured by road construction so it was good I gave myself time. The house is a spacious two story with a finished lower level as well. As I entered the house a receptionist greeted me and offered to give me a tour before my class. It was very warm and inviting with some offices, a kitchen and two meeting areas on the main floor, as well as a wonderful looking deck area and nicely landscaped backyard. On the lower level were the fitness and yoga areas. I was told that the floor in the yoga room is heated, nice touch. The second floor has a few more offices, a self-serve lending library and a large crafts room. I will definitely be checking out the lending library next visit.

The ceramics class was very relaxed and the majority of us were of similar abilities so no pressure there. It was quite soothing to work with the cool clay and chat with the other participants. I had worn a scarf pulled back and fastened with an elastic, with the tails draped over my shoulder to simulate hair. Over this I had worn a hat. The ladies seemed impressed by this and wondered where I had learned this 'technique'. One also commented that the earrings were a nice finishing touch - see, what have I been telling people - bald is better with earrings ;). I seemed to be the only one there that was currently in active treatment and a newbie like me could tell by the length of the participants hair how long ago they had most likely completed treatment.

I did manage to finish my vase by the end of class and I am hoping that somehow the firing process will work miracles on it but I won't hold my breath. If that doesn't do the trick, maybe the glazing process will. Eternal optimist - that's me.

Speaking of optimism, the sun has been shining here for two days and it does make such a difference. It is somehow much easier to keep a positive outlook when the sun is allowed to do it's part.

Before my class this morning I was able to get a few loads of laundry done and sort through a few more of my Mom's things as well as making some phone calls and arranging for a change of address to go in at the Post Office for her. Here it is now 8:30 and I am seriously thinking of getting ready for bed and being there by 9:00. I tell myself this isn't too bad because there was a time change, but it really is rather pathetic, isn't it? ;)

Take care everyone.

Fait Accompli

This was the reading from the 'Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional' book by Sarah Young for today -

Walk peacefully with Me through this day. You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you. You must traverse this day like any other:  one step at a time. Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step. The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me. This is a training opportunity, since I designed you for deep dependence on your Shepherd-King. Challenging times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help.

How appropriate! Yesterday afternoon, I spent several more hours in my mother's room packing her remaining belongings in preparation for moving them today. I was very tired by the time I got home and so grateful that I could rest for a bit before going out for the evening. Kenny was very gracious to accept my offering of grilled cheese and hot chocolate with marshmallows for supper with a big smile. I sat in the recliner and dozed off for a bit.

My evening was a time of refreshment provided by my friend and co-worker Wenda. The group 'Tenore' was singing at a church and Wenda graciously gave me tickets for Rod and myself to their performance. The details for the best way for us to attend this also seemed to be worked out by an unseen Hand. Rod was a little delayed at work so I drove there with his clothes to pick him up. We were about five minutes late for the start of the concert but this helped us to avoid being amongst big crowds of people in the lobby and we were able to go over to a seating area that was not as populated. During the intermission I stayed in my seat while Rod wandered and, not surprisingly, found someone he knew to visit with. At the end, it was like we had our own private exit - up the aisle and through some back stairs right to the exit, once again avoiding the crowds and potential germs they might be harboring. Wonderful performance by 'Tenore', thoroughly enjoyed!

This a.m. brought moving day. Caleb had to work until noon but arranged to meet us at the lodge. When we got to the room Rod and Jordan appeared suitably impressed with the packing efforts - smart men ;). We visited with several of the residents and when they expressed interest in some of the items, we were happy to deliver them directly to their rooms, rather than take them home to our house. I told Robin that now these possessions were their children's to worry about ;). Jordan used bolt cutters on the lock of the storage area assigned to my Mom and it was here that I found another treasure trove of old pictures that I will enjoy spending winter evenings going through. I felt rather unnecessary as I watched them take the loads down to the vehicles. Just as we had completely filled every last nook and cranny of the vehicles and still had a few items to transport, Caleb arrived with his truck and they made short work of the rest of the belongings.

Once home, Kenny joined the other guys in unpacking. This was followed by a leisurely Edo's lunch in the family room. I'm not sure why but I was exhausted and enjoyed being able to recline with a heating pad, closing my eyes and listening and participating in the conversation when inspired.

I love the line in the reading - "the more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me".  I would edit the 'day' to 'week' and then it suits perfectly to what I have experienced this week. God is good.

Take care everyone.

Life, Interrupted

The title of the post today would seem to apply to my life, and it does, but it is meant more in reference to my mother's life at the moment.
When my mother left the lodge in July I am sure that she had no idea that she would not be going back there once her hospital stay was complete. She had no time to sort through her things, they are just the way they were when the ambulance picked her up. I think most of us would feel pretty vulnerable to have others go through our things without having had a chance to go through them ourselves first.
I found myself feeling a little like an anthropologist as we went through the room. The things that were given places of prominence showed what was important to her or possibly what she wanted others to see as important to her, but it was the things that were tucked away that she may not have thought others would see that gave me the most insight into her and her world.
I began to see a pattern regarding any jewelry I found, it was never found alone but usually there were a few wrapped hard candies and at least one safety pin or paperclip in the same container. This made me smile as I began to be able to predict these items found together. Mom has a sweet tooth and much of her jewelry are favorite pieces but are missing clasps or fastenings.
As we tried to organize her belongings Ev, Jane and I would create broad categories to place things in like fasteners, this category was really stretched when a glue stick and a roll of scotch tape were added to it as well as all the many loose buttons we found.
Another common theme I found was that Mom liked to write down inspirational quotes, songs and stories and also had many of her own musings and insights scribbled down, often on odd scraps of paper and found throughout the room, tucked into desk drawers and hidden away with old bills and statements in the closet. Most were around the theme of being strong in the midst of trials and finding the source of strength, something that my Mom has had a lot of schooling in. In a way, I felt that maybe she had tucked them away with the thought that she would share them with me or others one day, which in a way is what just occurred.
Today is a day off from packing before getting back to it tomorrow. We made a lot of progress yesterday, I'm sure the others would smile at the 'we' part as it was a bit more of a sentimental journey for me and their efforts produced far more visible results than mine.

Take care, everyone.