Reflections on the year

2012 has been quite a year!

It started with ups and downs regarding my mother's health and continued with the joy of welcoming our third grandchild, a boy, on February 24th, 2012. I remember getting the phone call from Justin while I was at work and my co-workers hearing my end of the conversation, there were a few gasps when I said '10 lbs. 4 oz.'

I had the joy and privilege of spending a week in March with Justin and Leah and the grandkids, a time I have very pleasant memories of.

April brought more health issues for my mother precipitated by a fall, but by May I remember thinking one day how wonderful my life was and how blessed we were. I wondered if it was possible for my life to get any better than it already was and I was grateful. Then I found the lump that changed the course for the rest of my year. I really wasn't overly concerned when I found it. I had never felt healthier or had more energy. This made it even more of a shock when it was taken so seriously by the surgeon and then the radiologist where the mammogram was done.

Following the diagnosis of breast cancer my life was a whirlwind with nine days between hearing the diagnosis and having my surgery with procedures or appointments almost every day between.

Up until just recently it has still felt like a bit of a whirlwind with my Mom being hospitalized again a week after my surgery and appointments, procedures to prepare for chemo and then the chemo and the three week pattern that took over my life throughout.

August introduced us to Leisha, Caleb's girlfriend. A very warm, lovely and talented lady who I can see complements and brings out the best in Caleb.

A fall highlight was the time Rod and I spent on Vancouver Island in October, a treasured memory of a respite from all things breast cancer for a brief period. I am very thankful to his customer Ilse for so generously offering her cabin to us for the week.

In between then and now there was getting my Mom's things packed and moved from her old lodge and then to her new lodge (thank you to Ev and Jane, Caleb, Jordan and Kenny). Then another fall for Mom resulting in a fractured hip.

As I take stock of where I am at, I feel like I am just now coming up for air. I feel I need some time to process all that has happened this year before I can really go forward. I need time to review and to make sure that I make time for those things that I have realized are the important things in life before I start my 'new normal' life. I need time to grieve all that I have lost and I need time to celebrate all that I have gained through this experience (well, I won't be celebrating the weight gain ;).

There will still be a fairly major focus on breast cancer as I start 2013. I will continue with the Herceptin infusions every three weeks to August. I will have  more procedures and appointments to carefully monitor for any recurrence or complications from chemo, Herceptin or Tamoxifen. I will reconsider the decision I made regarding radiation therapy after having lunch with Patsy last week and I will need to make some decisions regarding possible reconstruction surgery.

I am so looking forward to being able to go 'topless' as the ladies on the forum describe not needing to wear wigs or head coverings anymore. When I walk into a drugstore I am always aware of all the hair products and tools that I need not look at for the time being but look forward to using again - hopefully soon.  

I am so grateful for all the support I have had throughout this year in so many ways, it has been one of  the main reasons that I have been able to stay positive and I do not take any of it for granted. Thank you!

As I was typing this I looked up to see the beautiful painting that Leah made for me as my Christmas gift. Against a background of grey, white and a bit of black are the words in red - "Let go and Let God". A wonderful reminder that as I reflect back and as I look forward I have no need to become anxious or to overplan, God has been and is in control and I can rest and find peace in that. God is good.

Wishing you all a wonderful and Happy New Year, all the best in 2013.

Take care, everyone.