The Nuances of Being Natalie

This has been an interesting day with some highs and some lows.

My reading in the 'Jesus Calling' book was a good one for today -

Grow strong in your weakness. Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina. Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty. Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith. On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day. I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding. Your natural preference is to plan out your day, know what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed. This is how you grow strong in your weakness.

Natalie made her initial appearance at the hospital, first to visit Mom. Mom was not having as good a day as she had been having for the past week. She seemed to be having more memory problems again and was anxious that I would  abandon her, reassurance is forgotten and she once again becomes anxious. Seeing me as Natalie threw her, the first response was 'You look different ... well, I guess it's OK. Tell me again why you look different?'

Following the visit with Mom, I needed to go for bloodwork before my pre-chemo exam. I popped into a washroom on the way, only to find that Natalie had shifted on my head and was now more sideways than forwards. I adjusted her and proceeded on my way. I took a number and when it was called after twenty minutes, found out that I should have known to go to the Outpatient clinic area first to get my requisition. I went to the Outpatient clinic and stood in line to talk to a receptionist, she kindly gave me my requisition and I proceeded back to the lab and waited once again.

Once done there, I checked on Natalie and she seemed to have decided that off kilter was the way to be. This time I took her off in the safety of a stall and tightened the inside back velcro straps to see if that would help, then I returned to the Outpatient clinic area where I confessed up front that this was my first time in the area and to please tell me what I needed to do (I am learning this is a good strategy). I was given a questionnaire, weighed and vital signs done then a bit of a history with the nurse. I think Natalie may have  over-reacted a bit when the nurse suggested that the extreme nausea on the evening of chemo was the result of anxiousness, rather than the chemo drugs!

While the doctor was with me, a phone call came from the lab saying that my neutrophils were at a critical low level. I will now have to have more labwork early in the morning on the fourth to ensure that they have recovered to a level where they will give the chemo and I will be quite vulnerable to infection, a wonderful thing to know going into a long weekend.

Natalie behaved herself better after the adjustment but for some reason, I felt like I was walking around with a pair of those fake glasses with the nose and moustache attached;  like I was in costume and people were 'on' to Natalie.

The best part of the day was my two and a half hour lunch with Robin at Chili's. Robin was looking wonderful, she had her hair cut yesterday and it looks great, the purple top with the white vest over it that she was wearing enhanced her whole look. So wonderful to be able to share anything and everything with her, the time flew by as we caught up with each other's lives. She even managed to say, with a straight face, that she would never have suspected Natalie was a wig if she hadn't known better.

I am now comfortably back in my trusty recliner sans Natalie who is having a time out on her stand. I'm a little stiff and sore from my 'study' workout yesterday and tired from the day - does the tiredness and aching stem from knowledge of the neutrophil count or is it the other way around?

Oh, the nuances of being Natalie ;)

Studying Hard

As promised, today I'll give an update on the studies I'm currently involved in.

The first study is a tumor study, this one I have donated my tumor to after they hold it for the requisite six months. There was also quite a lot of bloodwork associated, with tumor markers being part of it.

Through that study, I was called to see if I would be one of the first participants in the AMBER study, which is the one that I spent most of the day at the university today for. The term AMBER was chosen to reflect Alberta Moving Beyond Breast Cancer Research. The goal is to follow 1500 people with a breast cancer diagnosis over five years. They do not prescribe activity level or diet but they do intensive measurements yearly and have access to our medical records to see now we are progressing over those five years.

Today they were getting my baseline information. This consisted of height and weight, vital signs, waist and hip measurements, measurements of both the affected arm and unaffected arm (for lymph edema assessment), and a dexascan which shows body fat/muscle ratio and bone density. This was followed by grip strength testing, balance testing, flexibility, range of motion of both arms and curl ups (to fatigue).

I also 'got' to do a max treadmill test complete with headgear that held a mouthpiece connected to a machine and a clip on my nose so all air in and out was measured through this apparatus. Not a pretty sight, I'm sure ;) During this treadmill session my blood pressure, pulse and oxygen saturation were monitored at three minute intervals. This was somewhat distracting, to say the least. I think my hemoglobin must still be a little low from the last chemo as my resting pulse rate was 89 today, has been much lower. I was at maximum heart rate at 4.2 miles per hour with a 15% grade and my blood pressure dropped to 80/58 so that was it for me. They tell me there was 2 minutes 30 seconds left when we stopped. It took a bit for the blood pressure to get back to a more normal reading.

To end the day I 'got' to do shoulder and leg presses, first with testing to see the weight where I hit fatigue at 7 - 8 reps and then the computer calculated a weight that I was to continue pressing until I could no longer do another rep to measure endurance.

Not a typical day for me, for sure. I am getting frighteningly comfortable in a very short period of time with having people pinch, prod, measure, weigh, etc. my body, all for the sake of science. I left with four questionnaires to be completed that will provide them with information on general health, diet, activity levels and baseline health. They said these would take about 3 hours to complete, which seems accurate - I have 2 1/2 completed and it took 1 1/2 hours so far.

I was also outfitted with an accelerometer to measure my activity levels over the next 7 days. This consists of a device adhered to my anterior thigh and a waist device. I am to wear both all day during my waking hours with the exception of baths or showers or swimming.

In addition to the accelerometer, I have already been wearing my pedometer every day since the start of chemotherapy for another study. This study has divided participants into two groups - those who have been provided with materials to help them maintain or increase their activity levels throughout chemo and those who are not provided with the materials but only wear the pedometer and track their steps daily. I was provided with the materials which are very good . They contain very useful and convincing data regarding the benefits of being active throughout chemo, in decreased side effects and ability to complete treatment with the prescribed dosages as well as in prevention of recurrence. There are tools to use to set SMART goals and tips on achieving those goals.

All of the results of these studies should prove interesting in the future and doing them should help me to stay motivated to keep active through my treatment.

Long post, possibly another War and Peace type blog post. I wouldn't get an A from my manager on this one, not even a B for brevity. Oh well ;)

Good Article

Today's post will be short.

This link was posted on the forum I belong to and I found that there was some good advice given. The author is a 28 year old man diagnosed with leukemia when he was 27. He shares some of the things he has learned since, but wished he had been told when he was given a cancer diagnosis. Here is the link, it can also be accessed to the right of my blog in the favorite links section -

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-tomczek/cancer-advice_b_1628266.html

Tomorrow I will be participating in a new study called the AMBER study, it sounded very interesting when they called and asked if I would help them out. The day will start early, I need to be at the university by 0720; there are some benefits to not having to fuss with your hair in the morning, means more sleep time before I have to head out ;) I'll give an update about the study tomorrow.

Take care

Hair today, Gone today ;)

Following the night I had, I knew it was definitely time. I was so glad that I had made my hair appointment back in July for today. Yesterday morning when I washed my hair there were large amounts of it sticking to my fingers and this continued as I tried to put styling product on as a finishing touch. During the night last night, I didn't sleep well. My scalp felt very sore, like I had a too tight ponytail that I couldn't do anything about. More hair loss in getting ready this a.m.

I'm glad this happened before I had it buzzed off. It reaffirmed for me that I was doing the right thing in buzzing it and at the right time - before it got too thin and patchy looking. Did that make it easy? No, definitely not!

I had planned to go to my appointment alone however Elizabeth was concerned about me and offered to come and support me through the process. I'm glad she did, her support really helped, even though I didn't let on as the buzz proceeded ;)

Done, Coco also supported and distracted me

When I got to Andrea's, I was greeted by the dogs and I could tell Andrea was nervous. She made me a lovely cup of mojito mint tea and we sat and chatted for a bit before Elizabeth arrived. Once Elizabeth was there, Andrea confessed that she had never done this for any of her clients before. I told her that she really couldn't mess it up and that it would be kept covered from this time forward for the foreseeable future. This seemed to reassure her, but she still started on the back so I couldn't see until the end of the cut. Elizabeth had her hand on my leg and said she was prepared to sing to me, with me and whatever else I needed as Andrea buzzed it off. She also kindly agreed to take pictures for me.

Coco sat on my lap throughout, performing all her best tricks for Elizabeth's benefit. It was a good distraction.

Once done, Andrea washed and conditioned what was left and my head felt wonderful! No more scalp soreness and it felt so cool on such a hot day. 

Relief!

Now it was time for Natalie (the wig) to make her appearance. I was more nervous about this part of it. What if she looked ridiculous? Could I handle people's reactions? No turning back now!

Andrea and Elizabeth helped me put 'Natalie' on and get her positioned just right on my head. Andrea liked it, which meant a lot; Elizabeth had already given her approval when I purchased Natalie.

As I drove home I kept checking for other driver's responses to my appearance and there appeared to be no response, I think that was a good thing in that it meant that I just might be pulling it off.






Once home, I played a little bit and then took two more pictures. Everyone, meet GI Laura and her more public persona, Natalie (Natalie is still a little shy about eye contact ;) -

Take care, everyone

Wonderful weekend

The title says it all.

This was a wonderful weekend, thoroughly enjoyed.

Rod's birthday was on Thursday but we celebrated it this weekend. I planned a birthday brunch for him for Saturday morning and spent Friday preparing. I have to say that this cheating business is becoming pretty common-place for me now, scary how easy it becomes once started down that slippery slope ;). This time the cheating consisted of buying rather than making Cinnabon mini-rolls, frozen Belgian waffles and potato salad from Costco and using the frozen unbaked saskatoon and white chocolate scones that I bought from the saskatoon farm on Tuesday. This type of cheating made Saturday morning so much easier for me.

The menu consisted of poached eggs, breakfast sausages, bacon, Belgian waffles with whipped cream, maple and blueberry syrups, icing sugar, three types of chocolate chips and a berry mix available as toppings, mini cinnamon buns, saskatoon and white chocolate scones, potato salad and an omelette station manned by Rod.. To add to this, my 'sister' Gayle contributed tortilla chips and her seven layer dip along with a fruit tray. Beverages were hot chocolate, coffee and grapefruit juice. The grand finale - you guessed it, I cheated once again and supplied a store bought Skor birthday cake. What can I say - in the end it wasn't the food that made the day, it was being together and enjoying good conversation, weather and company.

In the afternoon, Gayle accompanied me to a local hat shop where we met Ev. Ev knows the owner well and she was able to help me find a dressier hat for church and other special occasions that may work on it's own, but I can also wear it with wigs and scarves. We had fun trying on all sorts of different hats and I was persuaded to buy a beautiful cream and lilac antique look scarf/shawl (the persuasion consisted of draping it artfully around my neck and turning me to face the mirror ;). I haven't been able to replicate the draping method at home yet but I'll keep working on it.

Following the hat shopping, I drove Gayle home and then played with my scarves and hats to ensure that I would be prepared come Tuesday. Following that, Rod and I went out for Vietnamese supper, then over to Wade and Gayle's for dessert. There were three desserts to choose from but the piece de resistance was actually the home made bread and blueberry jam that Wade made in the afternoon while we were out gallivanting. Heaven!

Today I squeezed in an afternoon nap before Rod and I went for a nice long walk along the river followed by a visit to my mother. I made red pepper/mushroom/spinach omelettes when we got home. Rod's was first, I wanted him to enjoy it. He didn't seem to want to leave the kitchen while I was making mine, so I scolded him slightly, telling him it was hot. His response - so is my wife. Now do you see why I keep him ;)

Take care, everyone.

Look Good, Feel Better

Today's post will probably be more informational.

Last evening I attended the free two hour Look Good, Feel Better class which is put on by the Canadian Cosmetic, Toiletry and Frangrance Association Foundation for women with cancer.

The website for Canada has been added to the links at the right of my blog posts. I signed up to attend last evening's course about a month ago and apparently spots fill up quickly. I would advise people to attend earlier on in their treatment, preferably before hair loss, in order to get the most out of the class.

Our class had 10 ladies in it, again all ages and ethnicities were represented. There were four volunteers to help us out with makeup application and refreshments and one lady there to present on wigs and scarves.
Even before I got to the room where the class was held I was being welcomed - I'm not so sure that I knew how to take the assistance, the man who is the education coordinator for the Cancer Center approached me and told me that the Look Good, Feel Better class was down the hall. Was it that apparent that -

1) I was a cancer patient? and
2) That I needed the help? ;)

Anyway, once in the room a volunteer assessed me for whether I was light/medium or dark skin tone and then provided me with my own kit of makeup materials, used in the class and to take home afterwards. There was also a sleep cap in the kit for when I lose my hair and want to keep my head cozy at night.

There was a placemat and a mirror and my own sponges, cotton balls and applicators provided at my seat and almost before I sat down, I was also being offered juice, water or coffee to drink.

This was going to be fun!

I was not disappointed and came out of the makeup session with tips on faking eyebrows and eyelashes, covering up chemo related spots, blemishes and under eye circles, sun protection, nail and hand care and proper cleansing and makeup removal.

Next was the wig and scarf section. Very informative, I almost wish that I had this information before I went wig shopping but with my hair loss being imminent (OK, it has already started, hoping to get to my hair appointment on Tuesday next week not being too much of a casualty) I am actually glad that I have a wig at the ready. I have told myself that I will reward myself with another wig mid-chemo and again before radiation starts as a morale booster.  Now I have more information to help guide me in my selection.

Some of the main points given regarding hair loss/wigs -

• Your oncologist will let you know if you will lose your hair or if it may only thin (I was told I would lose my hair and given a prescription for a wig so I can claim with my extended health benefits at work - tip - ask for a prescription even if you don't have extended health benefits, this will allow for claiming on income tax as a medical expense)
• Expect to be wearing a wig or head coverings for about a year and plan accordingly. 
• Hair loss usually begins day twelve with an itching scalp (at day 11 for me yesterday was it the power of suggestion that my scalp was itching during the session? ;)
• If you want your wig to match your usual style and colour, the appointment for a wig fitting should be made prior to hair loss to allow for this 
• Ask a trusted friend or two to accompany you for their honest opinions when you go wig shopping
• Allow for 45 minutes to an hour for a wig fitting and call in advance. Don't feel pressured to buy at that appointment and do try on lots of different styles and colours, this can be an opportunity to use the 'lemons to make lemonade'  - have some fun! One of the ladies at the session last evening said she liked the wig she tried on better than her own hair and wanted to purchase it on the spot.
•  Don't try to shave your head yourself, this can be an infection risk. The suggestion is to make an appointment at a salon and have the hair 'buzzed' to about 1/4 to 1/8th of an inch around day 14 post chemo). Doing this allows for some control of the hair loss process and prevents hair everywhere once it starts
• Scalps still need to be shampooed and conditioned, moisturizer is also recommended once the hair is gone.
• A monofilament wig with a lace front is something to consider even though they may be a little more expensive, the monofilament top makes for a more realistic 'scalp under the hair' look and the lace front allows for sweeping the hair back from the face better.
• Make sure you find out the recommended way to care for your wig and purchase the required supplies at the time of the wig purchase, they are fairly reasonable. At the class they recommended washing the wig every week if it is being worn daily
• Once your hair has gone on vacation, a good way to determine where your hairline should be is to use the 'four finger rule' - place your baby finger horizontally across your brow bone and rest your other three fingers right next to each other. Where your index finger lies is where the front of your wig should sit on your forehead.
• Some synthetic wigs are heat resistant, make sure you know whether yours is or not. If it isn't don't use blow dryers, flat or curling irons on it and be very careful when opening oven or dishwasher doors, stand back from the heat and steam. Apparently this is a major cause of wig casualties
• For scarves, there are videos on you-tube which demonstrate different scarf tying techniques and tips, one of the easiest and most secure ways is not to tie but to use scrunchies to gather the ends of the scarves. I have added some links to some sites that show scarf tying tips
• For headwear, I promise that I am not getting any kickbacks from this company but I have been very impressed by them so I am going to recommend them based on my experience. The company is Headcovers Unlimited, I believe they are based in Houston, Texas, The link is to the right of my blog under the title 'Great Headwear'. I have ordered several turbans from them which I love, they look great with or without hair under them (or wig) and three really cute caps - denim, khaki and a blue/brown check. These caps and turbans provide complete head coverage and are quite reasonable in price. I ordered two caps and a scarve yesterday and they arrived this a.m., shipping was very reasonable and I love my purchases, when wearing them I don't feel like I look so much like a cancer patient 
• This site also sells wigs on-line butI haven't investigated this part of their business

Turbans, caps and scarf purchased from Headcovers, Unlimited

So, that's it! My post for today, hope it might be helpful for anyone that is following a similar path or someone that wants to assist someone who is.

Take care.
 

Back to Business

My two business analyst co-workers humoured me today and took me out for a 'business lunch', with the ruse that we needed to update, collaborate and strategize as the BA team within our IT area. They listened patiently to me as I discussed a few areas I still had concerns regarding and even pretended to solicit my advice for areas they are currently dealing with. Made my day!

After lunch, I returned to the office area and bribed some of my other co-workers to come and visit me by re-stocking the treat basket. It worked, you should have seen the gleams in their eyes when they saw the basket ;)

I have also been sent multiple different forms this week from Human Resources to be completed by myself and my physician for various purposes pertaining to being off work. I needed to put my mind and energy to completing and faxing them to make sure that everything proceeds smoothly as I continue on with treatment. 

In some ways, seemed like a typical work day.

A positive in communicating with Human Resources was that I made myself look several months forward in the calendar in order to try to determine a return to work date. This reinforced for me that there really will be an end to all of this and next year will be a new year, one in which I truly will get back to business :)

Take care 

Keep Calm and Drink Tea

Today was a good day!

It started very relaxed and slow in my favorite way with breakfast in bed. I moved to my 'trusty recliner' by 0800 and read for a bit, this was followed by a little TV watching and then getting ready for the day and some housework.

I received an invitation from my sister-in-law, Carol and 'special friend' Ev to go to The Saskatoon Farm with them for lunch, we met our friends Dawn and Brenda there. The farm is a beautiful place with so much to see, very refreshing and healing atmosphere. The food, conversation and company at lunch was wonderful, I was so pleased to be able to thoroughly enjoy and not feel too tired.

Once done lunch Ev, Carol and I wandered a little and looked at all the pictures, plaques and garden accessories offered. I also bought some frozen, unbaked saskatoon and white chocolate scones for a birthday brunch on Saturday for Rod (don't tell him ;). Ev bought some fresh corn and potatoes for their supper this evening.

Once back at my place Carol and Ev had yet another gift  - this time it was a carousel of 12 different teas and two individual teapots for Rod and I. The saying on the teapots is 'Keep Calm and Drink Tea'. No detail was overlooked, the teapots even match the red accent color that I use in our family room.

I also received the 'buffs' I had ordered online today. Buffs are tubes of stretchy material made popular on TV's Survivor, they come in handy as kind of stylish head coverings. I showed the ladies these, my Natalie wig and the other head accessories that I have in waiting for next week. I am noticing that my scalp is starting to be a little tender, a first sign that the hair will soon be taking a vacation. I'm glad to have these things in place.

So thankful for days like today that I can 'take out and remember' on the not so good days. Life is good.

Take care.

The Comfort Quilt

My sister-in-law Carol came for a visit today. She brought with her a quilt and an apology with it. The quilt is absolutely gorgeous in cream, taupe and accents of a floral with orange, yellow and green. It has alternating squares comprised of friendship sayings and qualities of God, such as God is Comfort'. I am thrilled to now possess this quilt, especially knowing that every stitch of it was made with me in mind. That is why the apology floored me. The apology was that she was sorry that this was all she was able to do for me.

All! I will treasure this quilt. I will focus on the words it bears when I am so nauseated it is all I can do. I will wrap it around me when I need a hug. I will look at it's calm and soothing colors and it will bring me peace, along with a smile. It will definitely be my 'comfort quilt'. I am in awe of Carol's ability to create such a work of art.

Along with the quilt Carol brought more stories of my grandchildren whom she took my mother-in-law to see this week. What grandmother doesn't love to hear stories of their grandchildren, especially when the teller seems to be almost as fond of them as she is? The stories were illustrated with pictures to back them up, from Carol and from my special friend, Ev who first introduced me to Carol and at whose place Carol will spend the next couple of days. A very special visit and very good medicine.

I think that the worst effects of the chemo are wearing off for this round. I know one exception is that my hair will begin it's exit sometime in the next two weeks but each day now I seem to have a little more strength (emphasis on 'little' but progress is progress!). I was able to concoct my Portuguese Bean Soup for the slow-cooker this a.m. and our son Justin was in town for a race he participated in yesterday. He came over for a morning visit and breakfast made by Rod. I didn't fall asleep on him once while we visited and I was able to send a few things home for the family ;)

This afternoon, Rod drove me over to the hospital and I saw my mother. She is looking a little better than she was last Monday and she seemed relieved when I told her that she will not go back to the assisted living lodge, this seemed to be bothering her. Previously on visits she would keep saying that she did not know what they were going to do with her or what she was supposed to do. After I told her today that they were looking for long term care and that she would be in the hospital until they were able to acquire it, she said, 'So I just stay here for now then?' I think she understood what we were telling her and agrees with the decision.

God is good.

Take care, everyone

A Gentle Reminder

Today was a beautiful summer day, the weather was absolutely perfect.

I ended up going to bed last evening at 08:30 p.m. and, with the exception of a couple of bathroom breaks, sleeping through to 08:35 a.m. While not quite up to leaping two story buildings in a single bound, I did feel better than yesterday throughout the day.

I very much paced myself activity wise and while performing activities slowed down how quickly I did them and this seems to have been helpful. I had several rest periods but managed to get some housework done and some preparations for cooking for the next few days performed.

Rod went out to watch our oldest son in a race that he was competing in this weekend, the timing was a little wrong so he missed the race but he enjoyed his visit and brought home a nice gift bag from my daughter-in-law's mother. She had enclosed a card with a note that meant very much to me and on the card she wrote '...and a gentle reminder that it is okay not to be amazing once in a while'. What!?

The reminder is very much appreciated and just right as I look ahead to future treatments. Sometimes it will take all of my effort just to be ... and if that's all I can do, then that is OK for that point in time.

The neighbours that we met on our walk the other day decided to have a fairly impromptu neighbourhood barbecue this afternoon. They have a swimming pool and lovely backyard. It was a wonderful way for me to end the day, great weather and company, nothing required of me but to sit and enjoy it all.

Take care.

Accepting each day

Today's reading from the devotional book 'Jesus Calling' seemed very appropriate for me, I will quote part of it here -

'Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My loving Presence; you are Mine.'

I have to admit that I am finding it a little difficult to try to adapt to this new chemo routine, I am not sure what to expect  each day. I know that it will become more 'normal' as I go along and that I will come to know how I will react for the most part but at the moment it's like a day to day, moment to moment process. Even though I knew that I would be more tired, I am actually surprised at how fatigued I really am, nothing at all glamorous or exciting about my life at the moment.

When I woke up this a.m. at 0500 I was slightly nauseated with a headache, so I once again took my anti-emetic and some Tylenol. The time periods between taking them are definitely increasing and I am thankful for that. Once up and showered, I had my coffee and watched a morning TV show, then I made a few needed phone calls and followed up on some emails. I folded and put away some wash, made some lunch and this seemed like enough activity to reward with an hour's nap.

This afternoon I had the pleasure of my 'daughter' Elizabeth arriving with two of her girls to remove the wallpaper that was on the wall of the family area washroom. It is a job long overdue and they made quick work of it. It was lovely to visit with Elizabeth and hear the girls talking and joking with each other in the washroom as they worked. Nice to just hear and see 'real normal' in all this strangeness for me. I appreciate so much them making the effort to come over and spend a beautiful summer day inside. I know I've said it before, but it bears saying again, I am blessed.

My mother is having a stent inserted today to relieve the obstruction from a kidney stone. I hope that this will help improve her overall health and that as my energy increases that I will be able to spend more time with her. The doctors and hospital are keeping in good touch with me in everything regarding her care.

Bye for now, take care everyone

Outing

Short post today.

Nausea seems to be dissipating which I am thankful for. I am off steroids until next round so I am pleased about that. They say they really stimulate the appetite but I didn't really notice that for me and I don't seem to have had the insomnia that some people say they have with steroids. I hope that continues with future chemo.

I decided to try a short trip to Costco this afternoon, found out we forgot a few items when we tried to  use a Costco in a different nearby town on our trip back. The layout was different and it kind of threw us off, spent more but missed some of the important things like eggs and avocado.

Driving wasn't too bad but once I got inside Costco I found myself tired and wanting to get in and out as quickly as possible. It was a good time of day to accomplish that but it appears that avocado season is at an end, I will miss them :( However, I am now the proud recipient of a sample roll of toilet paper for my efforts, courtesy of Charmin - never refuse free TP ;)

I am not sure I will make it over to see my Mom this evening as I had planned, maybe I will make that tomorrow's outing. I did speak to her doctor last evening and I appreciate all he is doing. It doesn't appear that she will be able to go back to her assisted living lodge so they are starting the process for long term care. Sad, this is something that she was trying very hard to avoid. She has been moved off of isolation though and the Dr. feels that I should be able to see her on the weeks where my white blood cells are cooperating, I am relieved about that. He said that it can take three weeks for paperwork followed by three months in hospital before the transfer so I think I will wait to talk to her lodge. There will probably be other things like financial things to deal with, all in their own time.

Thanks again to everyone for all your messages, thoughts and prayers.

Take care

Post chemo day 3

Yesterday was really not too bad, I am thankful. I was tired and had a short a.m. nap followed by lunch and then a walk with Rod. On the walk we met a close neighbour and her husband, out for their walk. This neighbour has finished her chemotherapy earlier this summer for stage 3 colon cancer. She just had her port removed last week. It was great to visit and to hear her and her husband's stories, very inspiring. They have invited us to visit with them more as my treatment continues and we will definitely take them up on this offer.

Following the walk, Rod and our youngest son Kenny took off for Montana to pick up some parts that Rod ordered for work. They kept in good touch throughout their trip via Kenny's test messages. Enjoyed the last text from Kenny, at about 9 p.m. I had asked him where they were, his answer - we are 130 km from Calgary, traveling at 120 kph in the rain. Can't get much more specific than that ;)

I was asked out for coffee by two special friends, Brenda and Vicki. They very considerately arranged the coffee within a block or two of home. It was a lovely visit, I stayed about 50 minutes when my stomach began to cramp a little, letting me know it was time to go home. I'm glad I left then. A storm blew in just after I got home, I am hoping that Brenda and Vicki stayed and waited it out.

During the night I continued to take my anti-nausea med about every four hours, I would feel slight queasiness and, as advised, took the med and it did help.

Today, I have done two loads of wash, emptied and filled the dishwasher and 'Robbie' vacuumed the lower level very thoroughly. Once again thankful for modern conveniences. I did a phone interview with the BEAUTY program with the university, it is a twelve week physical fitness program for women with breast cancer. I know myself and want to stay active, committing to something like this will help.

Lunch is prepared and eaten, scrambled eggs, lentils and raw veggies - thankful my appetite seems good today.

Next will be a nap followed by a walk and a little more housework, then another phone call with my Mom's physician to see what the next steps will be for her.

Sure can't complain :)

Take care everyone

Day Two

Pretty inspiring title, eh?

Last evening was not the most pleasant but here I am to tell about it. The nausea set in big time about 3 p.m. The worst of it was between about 6 through to 10. I took all the anti-emetics I was allowed and Rod supplied crackers, applesauce and ginger ale.

At 11 I was able to have another anti-emetic and I slept from then until 2 a.m. when I woke up nauseated again, one hour to get through until I could have something more, actually fell asleep again and didn't take anything until 4. It took a little for it to work then so 4 to 5 I was praying and deep breathing and nibbling on a cracker.

I woke again at 6:30 and actually felt kind of human so I got up and showered. Rod made my smoothie for breakfast, I've managed to get it down although it doesn't taste as good as it once did, that shouldn't change how it works though.

Lots of wonderful messages from everyone, thank you so much! I will be glad to get through this week, hoping that maybe, just possibly, that yesterday was the worst. I do plan to speak to the oncologist and see if I can't switch up one of the meds for Gravol, which for some strange reason has always worked for me when the other meds didn't. If she is agreeable and it works the way it has in the past, next time may not be as bad.

Find I am tired and not very inspired (although it seems my ability rhyme is still intact;)

Bye for now

Chemo Day One

I'm going to post early today as I'm not quite sure how I will feel later.

The morning went well, I am now a 'chemo veteran'.

I woke up to my usual breakfast protein smoothie and lots of water. We drove over to the hospital and when we got there at 08:30 I took the Ememd, Ondansetron and Dexamethasone that had been prescribed as premeds to be taken one hour before chemo. Following that we went up to see my mother. She is still confused but knew us and was happy to see us. She asked what we were doing there and whether I had my results yet ;). We were able to have a short visit before physio came in to work with her; I think we convinced her that a walk would be a good thing.

I could feel the premeds starting to take effect as we arrived at the Medical Day Care area. I checked in and we were directed to the waiting area which was quite full. There was a TV and we connected our iPads to the wireless. A lady beside me was working on two puzzles, one on the coffee table in front of us and one on the table beside her, certainly more than I was able to concentrate on at that point in time. 

I was called back by my nurse Joyce and given the option of a bed or a recliner - I chose recliner which meant that there was a recliner available also for another person in my cubicle, it was soon filled with a lovely lady who I will describe a little later.

Joyce accessed my port which worked exactly as it was meant to and she was surprised at how well it had healed already - yay protein smoothies :)! Joyce graduated the same year as me and had worked in the area since 2000 - I was in very good hands. She talked me through everything and I was a little surprised to find myself joking with her as we talked.

The first infusion was The epirubicin IV push, it is red and there were three or four syringes of it, I lost count ;). This was followed by a normal saline flush, then the 5-FU, which went in over about 30 minutes followed by another saline flush. The final infusion was cyclophosphamide, which went in over 45 minutes and made me feel the most spacey with the beginnings of a slight headache, but tolerable. Then a flush and heparin flush solution before the needle was removed and I was free to go.

My cubicle mate was LeeAnne, a lovely lady with 2 daughters, one of whom was married on Saturday. She was very pleased to have made it to her wedding. I didn't ask the type of cancer but she was diagnosed eight years ago and this is the third time she is having chemo, she will have it as long as it is effective. Her husband Dave and Rod bonded fairly quickly. Dave went and bought all of us coffee while the nurse started an IV on LeeAnne (her port was not working). Visiting with this couple was wonderful, they were so relaxed about it all that it really helped me out.

About the middle of my treatments Patsy, a Day Surgery colleague from my past popped up to see me from where she now works in Radiation Therapy.  We had a great visit, time flew! She was also able to reassure me about who my radiation oncologist and nurse will be, sounds like I've hit the jackpot again - very nice to have this news.

Time to stop now. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers, I know they have made the difference for me today.

Take care everyone

Back to Reality

I am now back from vacation and, for the most part, unpacked and ready for the week ahead.

I have two loads of laundry done and we decided it would be a good idea to move the Monday Costco trip to today for this week so the fridge is full and cupboards are replenished. I thought I was being so efficient and practical and not letting this chemo stuff get to me until I got to the cash register and realized that the expensive Moroccan Oil shampoo and conditioner that caught my eye would make little difference to the appearance of my hair in about two weeks time. Oh well, it may make me feel better in the meantime ;)

I have so much to be thankful for today -

• my sons; the two that were with us on our vacation for hugs, cheerfulness in performing all types of tasks and willingness to tolerate their mother's idiosyncrasies
• and the two sons that stayed home and visited Grandma in the hospital and kept me updated - I am thinking the nurses may have found a few more excuses to visit my mother's room when they were around, my sons are much easier on the eyes than I am
• my husband, who has done the lion's share of packing and unpacking from our trip - all without even one complaint
• our 'adopted' son James and his cousin Susie, who kindly brought  our son Kenny back with them today so Kenny could stay an additional day at the lake, even though it added additional time to an already long trip for them
• Deanna (who we are already indebted to for introducing our family to the wonderful lady who became our daughter-in-law) - when we arrived home there was a 'Scentsy' kit from her on our doorstep, the scents she selected for my 'aromatherapy' are lovely - I have one in the warmer as I write and relax - it is very appropriately called 'Just Breathe' 
• my daughter-in-law Leah and the grandkids - when we arrived home there was an envelope waiting with more completed crafts - this time the theme was "He loves me!", written on flower petals glued to a center (the message on the envelope was that there are no 'He loves me not' on God's flower petals) and a a heart with the verse 'The Lord watches over all who love Him' Psalm 195:20 - good reminder :) ... and timely, not sure how Leah does that?
• a good and safe trip home with enough time left to get ready for the week without rushing
• an abundance of beautiful scenery to feast my eyes on as we drove 
• hugs and messages from friends letting me know they are thinking of me and praying for me; my friend, Robin even told me that if she could do the chemo for me she would in a heartbeat - I have never had reason to doubt her sanity before today ;)

I'm sure I'm forgetting to write many of the things I have to be thankful for today, I do know that I am blessed. I need to top up my fluids before bedtime (I am supposed to drink lots of fluid the day before, day of and two days after chemo) and I also need to pack a lunch and snacks for Rod and I so I will close today's post.

Take care, everyone.

The Best Medicine

I'm afraid to say that this post will be short, past history seems to be proving me wrong.

I am enjoying my vacation, we are in a lake area in northern Washington and the weather and scenery have both been beautiful. The people are even better than that, they have been amazing.

I decided I needed to post as I was starting to feel sorry for myself last evening and the last thing that is needed is a pity party. Posting helps me to focus on the positive, therefore helping my attitude and keeps my eyes on all that is good in my life - and there is so much to be thankful for.

I am much more comfortable now post port insertion - I can feel it sometimes when eating, coughing or yawning but it isn't pain, just a weird sensation. The incisions are a little itchy but that means they are healing well. 

My grandchildren have been a delight.
Lilly is very grown up and capable at six and has given me lots of gentle hugs. She is a great big sister to Keiran and Forrest. Leah is already saying she is going to miss her help when she enters grade one in the fall.

Keiran has an amazing vocabulary that grows every day. I love the way he looks at me and to hear him say 'Gramma Laura', it kind of makes me feel like Mary Poppins. I love his sweet round face, curly brown hair and big blue eyes, the freckles sprinkled over his nose don't detract any from his charm either. 

Kenny with Forrest

Forrest is the smiliest, most contented baby I have ever seen, he positively beams and smiles with his whole body when I look at him, very gratifying.

All of this is the best medicine, very therapeutic - just what the doctor ordered. 

Take care everyone

Chemo Class

I am still sore from the port insertion yesterday and I have probably tried to do a little too much today which has not helped.

I went out this morning to get some hearing aid batteries to take to my mother and fill up my car with gas. Driving wasn't the most comfortable, but do-able.

I also tried to do a few things to help prepare for us to go away but I am limited in my lifting to nothing over 5 lbs. which makes that a little difficult.

At noon, Ev brought Shannon, a favorite 17 year old, over for a visit before my chemo class. Shannon was such a sweetheart, she asked if I was going to chemo class all by myself and when I told her I was she offered to come with me and she really meant it. Later as we were talking, she was very concerned that she didn't want people to see me as the label of 'cancer patient', she wanted them to continue to see Laura, the person. I want this also, in fact I don't want to be seen as a patient as that somehow indicates someone who is sick and I don't feel that fits me, I am someone receiving cancer treatment for a period of time.

I needed that reminder before this afternoon's class.
I guess it should be reassuring that I was the youngest person there but it made me feel like I stood out and the older people there looked on me with pity, something else I want to avoid. There were a lot of questions from the attendees and the class went a little over time, it probably seemed longer to me due to my port discomfort. At the end of the class we were taken for a tour.

Everything for the chemo visits is situated on the ground floor. There is an Outpatient clinic area with a lab close by, this is where I will go the day before my chemo, or in the case of a long weekend the Friday before the Tuesday. Lab work is first, followed by an exam with the oncologist.

On chemo day I am to report to Medical Day Care at the scheduled time, making sure I take the prescribed medications I was given in preparation for receiving the chemo. Chemo is either given in a bed or a reclining chair. There were three areas, A, B and C. I know from the appointment schedule I received in the mail that at least for the first two treatments I will be in a bed in C area.

I don't think I was prepared for how big the area was, I am told they treat about 150 people a day there from Monday to Friday.

Some positives, there were a lot of DVD's available, every bed or chair had a TV, many people were watching the Olympics today and there is Wi-Fi available so I and whoever accompanies me to each treatment will be able to use a laptop or iPad while we are there. That should help distract somewhat.

After the class and tour I went to see my Mom on her unit. I changed her hearing aid batteries for her and I think that helped, she doesn't admit to people that she can't hear but they were starting to wonder about her cognitive functioning. There has been some deterioration, but some of the issue is the hearing. She was receiving a saline infusion for a low sodium level and they also gave her a ventolin inhalation treatment for her lungs.

The doctor came in while I was there and we discussed several things. He is good with us going away for a week and said Mom would be in for another week or two. He has advised that if the C. Diff is not completely eradicated that I should not be around her while I am having chemo, that could pose a bit of a problem :(

More and more, I need this week away to refresh and renew. I may not blog regularly while I am gone, but I will try to post a few times before we return.

Take care, everyone.

Super powers

Hi everyone
Today's post won't be very long.
I had my port-a-cath inserted this morning, it is of a specific type called a Power Port, kind of makes me feel like I should have super powers now that it is in. So far nothing, I even tried putting my hand over the area and saying 'Beam me up, Scotty' but nothing happened ;)

As has been my experience so far, the clinicians preparing me for and those performing and assisting with the procedure were excellent. I have another IV injection site to add to the two from yesterday and lab draw from Monday, I keep thinking of our border crossing and hoping no one looks too closely at me.

During the procedure I opted for receiving Fentanyl and Midazolam, I'm glad I did, very helpful. It went quickly, the freezing stung a little going in, they froze a couple of areas, one for the jugular vein access and one for the port site. Once frozen all I felt was pressure and tugging. When everything was in place they did an x-ray to make sure the lung was OK and then they sutured and dressed the sites.

The highlight of my day was my arrival in Day Surgery for the recovery period. I felt like a celebrity! It has been six years since I worked there but the first person I saw was Laurie. The two of us actually started in the area right around the same time, Laurie was in charge today and sent the porter to the only private room on the unit, the negative pressure isolation room, telling me that there was a special room for a special patient.

As we entered the room Rod saw my smile grow big as I looked around. Everywhere I looked there were pink messages for me saying things like 'Welcome home, Laura' and 'Good luck, Laura'. There was even a hand made picture of a bouquet of pink flowers, made by a fellow grandma of three, our friend Christine.  Rod visited with her as I was admitted to the area. Laurie and I also had a chance to chat and she tells me she reads this blog regularly and thinks I should write a book. OK, that could have been an effect of the drugs but it's my story and I am sticking to it :)

This evening I am definitely stiff and sore but feeling very blessed.

Take care everyone.

Glowing

It has been another good day.
I arrived for the MUGA scan just before 0800, the clerk performed a wonderful verify and validate and the first good thing was that they did not ask me to change into one of their horrible patient gowns, we'll save that for tomorrow.
The nuclear scan part of the radiology clinic I was sent to has it's own smaller and quieter waiting area with it's own washroom, second good thing.
As someone who has always closely guarded my weight (not even my husband has been privy to this information) I am finding it interesting that now this number is something that everyone seems to require and they have no qualms asking what it is out loud in front of whoever might also happen to be around. This a.m. it was required to determine the dosage of whatever it was they injected me with when I first arrived, to 'prepare my blood'.
Third good thing is that she was very good at giving needles and I barely felt this one.
After a waiting period of about 15 minutes I was taken back into the nuclear scan room and positioned on the table and a slightly larger IV was initiated in the same arm, just above where the previous injection had been given. Some blood was removed, a radioactive tracer was added to it and then the blood was re-injected back into the vein. I was placed on a cardiac monitor and the scan began, ten minutes on the left side of my heart followed by five minutes on the right side. I was done within an hour and it wasn't bad at all.
I was a little startled when I went to leave though. The tech asked how I was travelling to the States and when. With my reply, she asked me to wait, then provided me with a note for the border guards. Her reasoning was that their radiation detectors are quite sensitive and if there happened to be any residual radiation they will be looking for a source. If questioned, apparently my note may help avert an 'international incident', it may also help if they question the needle marks on my left arm, which are increasing in number as the week progresses ;)
I was told to allow two hours for the MUGA scan so I was left me with some extra time to return home and continue with my Mom's wash and also complete some forms for insurance and the initial questionnaire for the pedometer research study.
Lunch was a treat with my co-worker/friend Robin again, but this time it was 'my treat'.
We discussed many things, mostly work related and it felt just like old times, nothing changed ;)
Before we left we discussed the wig-fitting briefly, Robin was thinking I should go for a blonde look, I wanted just to be able to 'look' without cringing, let alone try to rock a blonde look. Apparently, she was not satisfied with my response and told my co-worker Sonia that she thought I was beginning to look a little matronly and to see what she could do about that when she came to help me choose the wig. Well, with that comment ringing in my ears there was no way I could now go for a staid, conservative look! I have a hunch Robin planned it that way.
The wig cap the stylist placed on my head did not raise my expectations as to how successful I was going to be, nor did the first two wigs she had me try on. Then came the 'Natalie' wig. I tried it on in a frosty blonde, a light red with blond highlights and in a brown. Elizabeth had also arrived by this time and the unanimous choice was the red with blonde highlights. The stylist quickly and efficiently trimmed the wig around the front to frame my face better, provided me with a wig stand, brush, shampoo and conditioner, took me to the counter to pay and I was now the new owner of a wig.
In fact, 'Natalie' wore it out of the salon and no one even seemed to be the wiser, do you think I really managed to pull it off?

Take care.