Trusting

Today I'm going to share another passage from the book 'Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional' but as I share parts of today's devotion I am going to stop in places and comment.

It starts out like this -

Pour all of your energy into trusting Me. It is through trust that you stay connected to Me, aware of My Presence. Every step on your life-journey can be a step of faith.

Trusting can be difficult at times like this when things don't seem to go as planned. I gave some positives to the chemo delay of a week yesterday, I will add one here. My friend from Saskatchewan who was diagnosed in a similar time-frame to me is also having the same type of chemo protocol as me, including the Herceptin for one year. She started after me so has had one treatment and is at the hair falling out stage prior to next week's chemo. It seems that October 2nd will be the day we both go to the big girl chair next week and then, all going well, every three weeks again after that. While I wouldn't wish chemo on anybody, if you have to have it there is a nice feeling about knowing that someone that you've shared so many other experiences with in life is also going through their chemo on the very same day as you.

Baby steps of trust are simple for you; you can take them with almost unconscious ease. Giant steps are another matter altogether: leaping across chasms in semi-darkness, scaling cliffs of uncertainty, trudging through the valley of the shadow of death. these feats require sheer concentration, as well as utter commitment to Me.

Not much to add there except to say that knowledge of how low my neutrophil count has been and how susceptible I am to serious infection made me feel fairly vulnerable last evening and fear wanted to creep in. In addition, after I dropped off my prescription for the Neulasta at the pharmacy today, I received a phone call stating that my insurance company had refused it as they require a pre-authorization request to be submitted by my doctor. Without the pre-authorization I would be out of pocket almost $3,000 for just one shot and I will need three over the next few months. My doctor thought the pre-authorization had been done for me by her nurse when she gave me the prescription; it is now in process but may take ten business days which is right about when we will be leaving on our trip and I am supposed to have the shot three days post-chemo; the pharmacy needs time to order it in after receiving insurance approval. I need to give it to God and know that He is in control, my part is to put the situation in His hands and then to leave it there and trust Him (that's where the sheer concentration, as well as utter commitment parts come in).

Each of My children is a unique blend of temperament, giftedness, and life experiences. Something that is a baby step for you may be a giant step for another person, and vice versa. Only I know the difficulty or ease of each segment of your journey. Beware of trying to impress others by acting as if your giant steps are only baby ones ...

That one hit home ;)

Do not judge others who hesitate, in trembling fear, before an act that would be easy for you. 

Guilty sometimes also, I wish I could say way back in my past but, unfortunately, not so long ago.

If each of my children would seek to please Me above all else, fear of others' judgments would vanish, as would attempts to impress others. Focus your attention on the path just ahead of you and on the One who never leaves your side.

How wonderful not to be alone on this journey. I am blessed in so many ways!

Take care, everyone.