Reflections on the year

2012 has been quite a year!

It started with ups and downs regarding my mother's health and continued with the joy of welcoming our third grandchild, a boy, on February 24th, 2012. I remember getting the phone call from Justin while I was at work and my co-workers hearing my end of the conversation, there were a few gasps when I said '10 lbs. 4 oz.'

I had the joy and privilege of spending a week in March with Justin and Leah and the grandkids, a time I have very pleasant memories of.

April brought more health issues for my mother precipitated by a fall, but by May I remember thinking one day how wonderful my life was and how blessed we were. I wondered if it was possible for my life to get any better than it already was and I was grateful. Then I found the lump that changed the course for the rest of my year. I really wasn't overly concerned when I found it. I had never felt healthier or had more energy. This made it even more of a shock when it was taken so seriously by the surgeon and then the radiologist where the mammogram was done.

Following the diagnosis of breast cancer my life was a whirlwind with nine days between hearing the diagnosis and having my surgery with procedures or appointments almost every day between.

Up until just recently it has still felt like a bit of a whirlwind with my Mom being hospitalized again a week after my surgery and appointments, procedures to prepare for chemo and then the chemo and the three week pattern that took over my life throughout.

August introduced us to Leisha, Caleb's girlfriend. A very warm, lovely and talented lady who I can see complements and brings out the best in Caleb.

A fall highlight was the time Rod and I spent on Vancouver Island in October, a treasured memory of a respite from all things breast cancer for a brief period. I am very thankful to his customer Ilse for so generously offering her cabin to us for the week.

In between then and now there was getting my Mom's things packed and moved from her old lodge and then to her new lodge (thank you to Ev and Jane, Caleb, Jordan and Kenny). Then another fall for Mom resulting in a fractured hip.

As I take stock of where I am at, I feel like I am just now coming up for air. I feel I need some time to process all that has happened this year before I can really go forward. I need time to review and to make sure that I make time for those things that I have realized are the important things in life before I start my 'new normal' life. I need time to grieve all that I have lost and I need time to celebrate all that I have gained through this experience (well, I won't be celebrating the weight gain ;).

There will still be a fairly major focus on breast cancer as I start 2013. I will continue with the Herceptin infusions every three weeks to August. I will have  more procedures and appointments to carefully monitor for any recurrence or complications from chemo, Herceptin or Tamoxifen. I will reconsider the decision I made regarding radiation therapy after having lunch with Patsy last week and I will need to make some decisions regarding possible reconstruction surgery.

I am so looking forward to being able to go 'topless' as the ladies on the forum describe not needing to wear wigs or head coverings anymore. When I walk into a drugstore I am always aware of all the hair products and tools that I need not look at for the time being but look forward to using again - hopefully soon.  

I am so grateful for all the support I have had throughout this year in so many ways, it has been one of  the main reasons that I have been able to stay positive and I do not take any of it for granted. Thank you!

As I was typing this I looked up to see the beautiful painting that Leah made for me as my Christmas gift. Against a background of grey, white and a bit of black are the words in red - "Let go and Let God". A wonderful reminder that as I reflect back and as I look forward I have no need to become anxious or to overplan, God has been and is in control and I can rest and find peace in that. God is good.

Wishing you all a wonderful and Happy New Year, all the best in 2013.

Take care, everyone.

Lovely Ladies Lunch!

How is that title for alliteration? :) And it can be taken a couple of  ways - the lunch with the ladies was lovely and they are lovely ladies who lunched.

Patsy, Liz, Sharon, Diana and I all worked together in Day Surgery several years ago before Liz and I  left for our IT roles. Patsy and Diana are now working at the Cancer Center that I have been frequenting of late. It is so good to be able to get together with people you may not have seen for a while and yet be able to pick up right where you left off.

Our waitress was very patient and understanding and left us to our own devices prior to ordering. I think we had been at our table for about an hour before we waved her over and placed our orders. We were there for yet another two hours plus afterwards.We decided that we definitely have to get together more often and with more of our old co-workers for the next get together.

After the lunch Rod and I arranged to meet at Costco for the groceries we needed. Walking in was a little daunting, there were people with carts lined up into the aisles waiting for a checkout. I had to ask Rod not to walk so fast a few times, he doesn't like crowds much and wanted to get in and out of there as quickly as possible. We were happy to see that by the time we reached the checkouts there were minimal line-ups and we were able to go through quite quickly. It was very good to get home to my recliner and reflect on the good memories of our lunch afterwards.

I've been calling the rehab center where my Mom is daily and she is still on isolation so I have been unable to visit yet. It sounds like her symptoms are more respiratory than gastrointestinal, I hope she is over it soon.
 
 This a.m. I determined that I would get up and walk on the treadmill and see if I couldn't work on getting some of my energy back and work out some of the achiness in my arms and legs. I managed half an hour but had to scale back from 2.5 miles/hour to 2.3 in order to accomplish that. Kind of discouraging.

Maybe I was unrealistic about how I would be feeling at this point post-chemo, December has been a tough month. If this continues I guess I will have to contact my oncologist prior to the next Herceptin infusion. Until then, I am thankful for all my family and friends, for warmer weather this weekend, for a husband that likes to cook, for my quilts, for magic bags for the muscle aches and for pictures like this one of Leah, Lilly, Keiran and Forrest to make me smile.

Take care, everyone.



 

Quiet Day

Today was a day to rest up, tidy up and unpack.

I tend to use a timer to help motivate myself when I have chores to do, this morning I set the timer for one hour and by the half hour mark I was huffing, puffing, aching and realizing I had been overly ambitious. I scaled back somewhat and Rod pitched in somewhat and all that needed to get done was accomplished. I am glad that Costco was not in the plans for today. My hemoglobin level must have taken a bit of a beating with the last chemo.

Just about the time I was realizing I had been overly ambitious a representative from the insurance company that supplies my long term disability called to determine if I was still on track for my return to work. She asked if I was feeling energized and refreshed now that my chemo was complete. I could very honestly tell her that no, I wasn't quite there yet.

This afternoon I had planned an outing to the rehabilitation center where my mother was transferred but received a phone call late morning to inform me that she seems to have picked up a flu bug or virus and has been placed in isolation in a private room. They asked that I not come in to visit due to this. I am hoping that it is not a recurrence of the C. Diff that she has had a couple of times earlier this year.

Tomorrow I am looking forward to meeting a few ladies for lunch, it will be great to catch up with them as it has been awhile. I'm sure there will be pictures of grandchildren and possibly a brand new grandchild to celebrate (due date is January 5th). Can't wait, but better get started on that beauty sleep sooner than later tonight, I really need it.

Take care, everyone.

Holiday Highlights

Here I am back at home after a wonderful few days with Justin and Leah and family.

Some highlights of Christmas at Justin and Leah's were -

The drive to and from with Caleb - lots of time to catch up on each other's lives and just talk about life. Very enjoyable, I love the man that Caleb is becoming. We ended up taking two cars so Rod and Kenny had similar time together.

Seeing Justin and Leah when we got to Cranbrook and the effort they had gone to in their preparations for our visit. They are both looking so good.

Having Keiran ask me at almost every meal if I would sit beside him, an honor indeed.

Having Forrest go from making strange the last time he saw me to crawling towards me this time and reaching up for me to hold him; also having his entire face light up with his smile when I walked into the room. (He didn't do this just for me, but I really loved that he did do it for me).

Having Keiran reach over and hold my hand at Christmas eve supper, he has a very special way that he likes to hold hands and it has to be 'just right'.

Having Keiran ask me if I would 'like to be a girl' after he heard that there were too many guys to play pictionary and one of them would have to be a girl to make the teams even.;)

Helping Lilly write her letter to Santa on Christmas Eve and seeing how well she can read and write now, even though she is only in Grade One.

Watching a husband and wife and mother-in-law put a play kitchen together as time got later on Christmas Eve and they became more tired. All completed in harmony with the common purpose as the focal point. This should be part of a pre-marriage course ;) 

Trying to fill in a little for Santa for Leah's stocking only to find that Santa had things under control without my assistance. Leah's stocking arrived filled to overflowing with a note from Santa explaining that he must be getting old and had forgotten that she had grown up and had children of her own, that he had brought her stocking to her mother's (Kass's) house by mistake but that he would ask Kass to deliver it to Leah for him this year.

Watching Keiran's eyes light up when he looked over at the fireplace mantle on Christmas morning and realized that Santa had come and filled the stockings. He was trembling with excitement.

Spending a very leisurely Christmas morning with the family, no rush for the presents to be opened, playing with and watching them being played with and enjoyed before more presents were opened.

Keiran with his new tool bench and accessories - say 'cheese'

The wonderful Christmas meal and enjoying it together with the combined families.

Holding Forrest and playing with Keiran this morning while Rod and Lilly were downstairs keeping busy serving all their 'restaurant customers' in the new kitchen.

Coming home to a Christmas card from Justin and Leah and family with a beautiful picture of Lilly smiling at us as we opened it.

All of this more than made up for the fact that I felt less than optimal health-wise while away. I am not quite at the place where I am gracefully accepting not being able to be in the thick of Christmas activitives such as preparing and cleaning up after meals. Requiring afternoon naps with the children in order to be able to stay up past 9 p.m. can make a person feel very old. I know that this too will pass and I am looking forward to better health in 2013. In the meantime, I am grateful.

Take care everyone.

Meet the Parents Plus

It has been a very busy past few days!

My assessment with the BEAUTY program went fairly well. I haven't lost any ground in strength or flexibility. Aerobic capacity was different however. I was stopped at just after the nine minute mark when they added an incline. My heartrate went over the calculated maximum for me. Combine that with the water retention I have been experiencing and it will be interesting to see what the MUGA scan to test my heart function shows on January 7th.

Thursday found me trying to get some baking done, my ambition was greater than my energy level but I did manage to get a little baking put away. The highlight of Thursday was being able to hold Gayle's grandson Lucas who had arrived from Wisconsin the evening before with his parents. What a beautiful baby!

Friday morning was spent at work, attending the team meeting where my manager showed pictures from his trip to southeast Asia in November. What a surprise to see Xin's beautiful smile in his photos from Shanghai, China. Xin is one of our old teammates, she and her husband have gone back to China for her husband's job for a few years. They showed Mike around Shanghai while he was there. I have missed her smile and her wonderful laugh. Mike was smart enough to have Xin pick out his gifts for all of us while he was there.

A highlight of my morning at work was when Lidija and her young daughter Sara came up to my old desk where I was sitting. They had a Christmas bag that they handed me. Inside the bag was a card from Lidija, her husband and Sara and Sara had added a penguin that is part of her trademark signature. Inside the bag was a beautiful multi-colored scarf that Sara and Lidija had made for me. A beautiful scarf that I promise to add a picture of, very impressive to me that someone of Sara's age was able to accomplish the majority of the work on it and even more impressive that she would want to do this for me.

After the meeting we went for a buffet lunch and exchanged our Secret Santa gifts and received Mike's gifts. Great morning with everyone!

I didn't have much more in me for the rest of the day, use it or lose it doesn't seem to apply to me at the moment. It is more a situation of 'use it wisely'. It was all worth it, though.

If Rod wasn't already my hero, he certainly is after last evening and today. I drove Kenny to his hockey game in the evening and when I returned home Rod had just gotten there. It was close to 8 p.m. and he needed to be at the game so we quickly caught up with each other and what needed to be done prior to our Christmas brunch this morning. I went to bed after he left so I could get up at 5 a.m. with fresh energy. After the game and while I slept Rod was very busy tackling my 'to-do' list, so busy that when the alarm went off at 5 a.m. I was able to go back to bed for another hour and a half. :)

Rod and I set to work in the kitchen once we were up and soon Jordan and Celia joined us. If there's one thing I have finally learned in my working life it is how to delegate and I have transferred that skill into my personal life. Jordan and Celia were rapidly absorbed into the productivity of brunch making.

Before we knew it,  our 'granddog' Charlie was bursting into the house to greet us, followed by Caleb and Leisha and Leisha's sister and her parents. There were hugs all around with the explanation from Leisha's parents that they are 'hugging people'. That made them family and soon Diane, Leisha's Mom, was right beside me in the kitchen scrambling eggs while I finished up the waffles. Celia has earned a permanent place in Charlie's heart by providing him with a bone for his Christmas present. He provided the background noise throughout our time together as he chewed happily away at it.

Wonderful days! Wonderful people! Wonderfully blessed! :)

Take care, everyone.

Sisters

Rod and I watched 'White Christmas' on Saturday. It is a movie that has special meaning for both of us, Rod used to watch it with his Dad and the army component of it resonates with him. I used to watch it as a yearly tradition with my sister and the sisters component of it is what I focus on more.

We both ended up feeling a little sad by the end of the movie. The year Rod's father passed away it was on a Christmas eve. White Christmas traditionally aired on Christmas Eve back at that time.

 My sister passed away on December 19th, 1981 - pre-deceased the same day by my grandfather by about five hours.It was a tough day for me. Seeing the movie and then realizing that December 19th was once again just around the corner hit me a little harder this year. There are many memories of caring for my sister and many times during the time period leading up to that day that I felt very inadequate in my abilities to help her or to help my grandmother out with my grandfather. A memory that helps me when I think of this time period is of holding my sister's hand in her final moments and telling my grandfather that it was now time for him to take her hand for the rest of their  journey. 

I really believe that God loves details and that for this very reason He provided me with not one, but two very special ladies that I consider to be my sisters and it has not escaped my attention that they both celebrate their birthdays on December 19th.

Gayle is short in stature but someone that I always look up to, I think she epitomizes the saying that good things come in small packages.

Carol is Rod's sister, therefore my sister-in-law. I think I've known her longer than I've known Rod and she has always taken on the role of big sister to me, which I have appreciated so much.

I purposely chose to spend this morning by being a sister to 'Benny'. This was her second chemo. Turns out we are very close to having been twin sisters. Her birthday is one day before mine, same year. With the exception of having to be poked twice for the IV, things went fairly smoothly for her with the infusions this time and from what I hear from her via email things are going well now that she is at home. I hope and pray that this will continue and that she will be feeling good for Christmas.

It was wonderful to come home later this afternoon and review the posts in the forum where we met each other. There were many, many messages of support for Benny from an international group of sisters.Wonderful that people can come together this way to support one another in and through these times.

'Sisters, sisters - there were never such devoted sisters ....'

Take care everyone.

Early Christmas Blessings

The last two mornings I have woken up and tried to see through the slits that my eyes were due to the fluid retention that seems to be occurring. Not exactly the most attractive sight and Rod is to be given credit for not running away screaming upon seeing me first thing each of these mornings. I have also had some nosebleeds over the weekend in spite of trying to keep up the vaseline and there was some GI upset overnight on Friday.  On top of that my fingernails are looking and feeling quite bruised and the moons on them have disappeared; I'm beginning to wonder when the nails themselves might disappear. All of it added up to me feeling a little down, especially when everyone is congratulating me on finishing the big chemo - it's not really feeling very finished at the moment as I deal with these increased side effects from the cumulative treatments.

This left me thinking that my reading from Jesus Calling this morning was quite appropriate in how it described the first part of my day, so apt that I made sure to show it to Rod -

'Therefore, rejoice on those days when you drag hourself out of bed, feeling sluggish and inadequate. Tell yourself that this ia a perfect day to depend on Me in childlike trust. If you persevere in this dependence as you go through the day, you will discover at bedtime that Joy and Peace have become your companions. You may not realize at what point they joined you on your journey, but you will feel the beneficial effects of their presence. The perfect end to such a day is a doxology of gratitude. I am He from whom all blessings flow!'

What did I have to lose ;). I depended with the childlike trust and got myself together to go to the work meetings I had. Before I even got out of my car there was an email from my manager to the team saying that there were treats at his desk but that we would 'have to have a really good reason' for visiting. I thought I could come up with one or two good reasons as I made my way into the office. What a sight I must have been arriving with my nose running and my eyes tearing (they call them Taxo-tears - another side effect). Who could refuse providing treats to someone looking that pathetic? ;)

As always, it was so good to see everyone and visit/meet with them. They made me feel so much better, telling me how wonderful I was looking and, compared to how I had looked first thing in the morning, it was true so I soaked it all in.

When I arrived home there was a package in the mail. It was the watch that I had picked out as a gift to commemorate my 30 years with the heatlh region. It is quite beautiful in gold and silver and it is engraved on the back.

I also received a gift card for a meal at the Keg from relatives that have already been more than generous with an Amazon gift card in the past. Hard to continue to feel sorry for myself with all this going on.

I had a great phone call with Robin as she was driving home which seemed like a gift in itself and then right afterwards I received a call for Rod. Turns out he bought one raffle ticket for a golf package this weekend at a hockey tournament and he won. I'm so happy for him, he has been a such a saint, long before any breast cancer diagnosis but especially since. It was fun to be able to call him and let him know about it.

Over all, a good day to have dragged myself out of bed, no matter how sluggish the start :).

Take care, everyone.

Done!

I just submitted my last assignment and completed the final test for the course I am taking towards my Business Analysis Certificate. It feels so good! I can't guarantee that it's my best work but I'm happy with what I was able to do and now I can concentrate on the Christmas stuff that I need to accomplish, starting with the children's goodie bags for our church Christmas dinner tomorrow. I have everything that will go into them, I just need to do some assembling and transporting of them.

Then I need to get this house looking and smelling a little festive. I have some baking planned for next week and I will get Rod and Kenny to help with the decorating. I always think that I should have everything deep cleaned first but realistically speaking, I think maybe we'll just place the decorations strategically to mask the worst areas. Next year I can always try for better.

Next week promises to be a busy week. I will be going into work on Monday a.m. for a couple of meetings and tea. Tuesday is a lunch with several ladies from the church, Wednesday is a class for my BEAUTY program that I have been involved in regarding exercise during breast cancer treatment. The class will be followed by my assessment post the initial 12 weeks, from there I will go on to the maintenance portion of the program. Hopefully I will have maintained or gained but a part of me knows that with everything that has been going on in my life I will probably show some decline in some of the areas. Weight would be one I would welcome decline in but I'm suspecting that won't be the case. Thursday I need to get presents wrapped and the house in order for a family Christmas brunch on Saturday and Friday is our work's Christmas celebration. The Saturday brunch will introduce us to Caleb's girlfriend Leisha's parents and we'll do the gifting for those of us in the city so we don't have to take too many out with us when we go to Justin and Leah's.

I've seen pictures of my grandchildren preparing for our visit, they have been busy making cookies (wearing cookies might be a more apt way of phrasing it for Keiran). It looks like fun, I can't wait to be there to celebrate Christmas with them.

Take care everyone.

A Special Day

The previous two evenings I completed more reading and submitted two more assignments for my course. More bites out of that elephant! I am very thankful for google, it came in quite handy with the last assignment when I needed to know how to make a Pareto Diagram in Excel. Yes, I googled ;)

I am definitely experiencing the peripheral neuropathy side effect of the chemo this time around. The ends of my fingers and my toes feel like they had frostbite and the circulation is just returning. Not a fun feeling. I'm not sure if I usually hit my toes on things as often as I seem to be doing in the last few days and just never notice it or if because of the numbness I am not judging their distance from things properly right now but they are taking a bit of a beating and it isn't helping. Anyway, I was out for a bit this a.m. but found walking around wasn't a lot of fun and was glad to get home and take my shoes off.

I had two events this evening that I was planning on getting to so I knew that I would need to rest up beforehand. I made my dish for the Autism association's Christmas celebration and put it in the slow cooker, then I took my candy for the Gingerbread decorating party and put it in the car. Once done, I settled in the recliner for my 'long winter's nap'. Kenny came home and roused me with the announcement that he had been amazing in his presentation at school this afternoon. I wish he wasn't so humble ;)

I did make it to the Autism Christmas celebration and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. There was a good selection of hot and cold food as well as desserts. There were several new people that have begun attending the Asperger's group and I was able to meet and talk to them. I was also very happy to see and visit with the regulars I have gotten to know and appreciate over the past couple of years. I received very special gifts of home made soap, Nanking Cherry jam and Christmas tea. I realized it was probably time for me to get going when I was having trouble standing and balancing on my feet but every time I started to make the effort to go someone else would come in or come up and I would be drawn into another conversation. I did finally get away, but not without many wonderful hugs, not really the norm in this type of setting which makes them that much more special.

If anyone is interested in seeing a movie that portrays a man who has Asperger's I would highly recommend the movie "My Name is Khan". I watched it last weekend on Netflix. The time period the story takes place over is pre and post 911 and the protagonist is Muslim. The movie shows the wonderful strengths of a person with Asperger's and how they can be used to bless others as well as the significant sensory issues that can also go along with Asperger's. 

I did not make it to the gingerbread decorating party. I just know that there are gingerbread houses and cookies out there now that are lacking the candies that I did not arrive with and that makes me sad but I also knew as I was driving away from the Autism association that I was no longer up to a trip from there to the another quadrant of the city and then all the way back over to my side of the city again.

I came home to hear Rod congratulating Kenny on his 'awesome presentation' at school today. More humility on Kenny's part, I'm guessing.

Perfect end to a very special day. :)

Take care everyone.

Taking a Bite Out

One of the sayings I was known for when I worked Day Surgery was - 'how do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time.'

I am happy to say that I persevered with my on line course last evening and was able to accomplish quite a bit of reading and I submitted one assignment. One down, three to go! :)

This morning I took Kenny for his appointment with the oral surgeon. It looks like he will need to have his wisdom teeth out, the surgeon seemed very nice. I must really be getting old when the doctors all remind me of my own sons. I felt like I should encourage him as he recited the list of all the possible issues that could occur as a result of the surgery. He didn't forget one ;). Kenny is now booked for the end of January, he may need to refrain from 'taking a bite' for a day or two after the surgery.

Following dropping Kenny at school I went to two stores for my errands of the day and took a bite out of the grocery shopping I needed to do for some baking and just things I don't get at Costco - either because they don't carry the items or their quantities are too large for us to use in time. There is also a Christmas potluck at the Autism association for the Asperger's group on Thursday evening and I needed the items to make my dish for that.

The morning wore me out, it was so good to be back home but it felt so good to have more of my list taken care of. I had a quick lunch and made a couple of phone calls related to my Mom. The orthopedic surgeon has discharged her from his care and she is now under the care of a hospitalist and she moved units today. One more step on the way to rehab. She was looking and feeling quite good yesterday, an amazing woman to have recovered so quickly from the trauma of her injury, it will take a little longer to be mobile again. I also wanted to make sure the pharmacy supplying her medications knew to place a hold on them until she was able to return to the lodge.

I thought I might catch a nap after this but found I was having a little too much discomfort to be able to sleep. After trying for a bit, I went and made a lovely snack of apples, peanut butter and dark chocolate chips (healthy, right? ;) - wonderful to take several bites of), heated up my magic bag and took a Tylenol #3. I take them very seldom, I still have twelve of the fifteen that were prescribed in October but for today one should help take a bite out of the discomfort.

Take care everyone, I hope you are making progress on your elephants :)

Not So Amazing

I have come a long way from when I was told 'it's OK to not be amazing some of the time'.  I spent most of last weekend barely moving let alone being amazing.

I'm not sure how much was psychological and how much was due to side effects from the chemo, it probably doesn't matter. The joint and muscle discomfort and the fatigue combined with the cold weather to make staying inside and being quiet seem very appealing. I find that I was also overwhelmed with everything that I needed to do in regards to Mom, my course and other things. It seemed that I needed to first do nothing before I could do something. After spending most of two days doing nothing on Saturday and Sunday, I was able to sit down on Sunday evening and list what needed to be done in the next two weeks. That felt good. I made sure that none of the plans for any one day were overly ambitious - one outing a day, rest periods built in, household tasks divided as evenly as possible between the days, the seasonal and other things that required doing also spaced out according to deadlines.

Today I started tackling my list. So far I have been able to cross off most of the things I had down for today with the exception of working on my online course. I have four assignments and some reading I need to do sooner than later. I need to stop procrastinating but I'm finding it hard to concentrate at this point in my day.

Is it really procrastinating if I decide to wait until tomorrow morning when my brain will be fresher?

Probably ;)

Best get at it, chemo brain is no excuse.

Take care, everyone. 

Laughter as the Best Medicine

While I was laying low over the past few days I have been reading. One of the books is "Chicken Soup for the Cancer Survivor's Soul: Healing Stories of Courage and Inspiration".

I have been working on encouraging my online friend who is going through chemo. It has been rough for her. Our minds and what and how we think and staying positive are so important while going through treatment. I wanted to be able to provide her with some tools and inspiration.

I also needed to add some lightness to my day. I am thankful to have received an email from my cousin this afternoon informing me that the hospital was preparing to transfer my Mom today to a hospital that is in a further town than the lodge she was placed in recently. This was all done without consulting or calling me to inform me. Due to my cousin's email I was able to circumvent this from happening. The transition coordinator had only gone by the address on Mom's chart, without looking into whether Mom was actually from the area or not or what her circumstances were. I am so thankful for the email and I think things are straightened out and going in the right direction now, but not without some stress eating on my part. I'll have to watch that ;).

There is a story about Norman Cousins in the book and I will quote some of the things the author said in his story regarding the role of laughter in healing - 

Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we're not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.

... scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.

So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to engage in it as often as you can. If you don't like laughter, then take your medicine - laugh anyway.

Another quote in the book by Josh Billings -

There ain't much fun in medicine but there's a heck of a lot of medicine in fun.

One last quote -

Seven days without laughter makes one weak - Joel Goodman

I think tonight would be a good one for me to watch some videos of my grandchildren and then a seasonal comedy like Elf. Last spring after Forrest was born, I went and stayed with Justin and Leah and family for a week. One of the highlights of the week for me was sitting and watching Elf with Lilly. Sharing her genuine enjoyment and laughter at the movie made it a delight for me to watch also.

I hope your evening will be as much fun as mine promises to be. You are welcome to add popcorn and goodies to your evening - I think I'm over my junk food quota for today.

Take care

Quick Update

Very brief post today. So far not so bad post chemo. I am finding that my joints and muscles started aching sooner this time, starting the evening of chemo and a little GI 'stuff' but otherwise not too bad.

I have been taking it pretty easy with the exception of the steroid induced housework I did yesterday morning, that energy wore off fairly quickly though ;). The chicken that I had cut up and marinated in preparation for last night's supper is still sitting in the marinade this evening, hopefully to be cooked for tomorrow night's supper or I'm going to have to freeze it. My energy and enthusiasm for the supper kind of dissipated when I tried to make sweet potato chips in the oven as a start. First, there was smoke all over the house and then when I pulled them out, they were all stuck to the foil I was directed by the recipe to place them on. I won't be repeating that recipe, hopefully the chicken recipe turns out better. Note to self - don't be too ambitious on the new recipes just yet.

Now that I have finished the prescribed post chemo meds I will try to get to the hospital to see my Mom again tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully there will be good progress for her. I also need to get in some reading and assignments for my online course, the instructor is being very patient and understanding.

I am thankful.


Take care

Celebrating!

Today was the last of my big chemo infusions with the combination Taxotere and Herceptin! From now on just the Herceptin every three weeks and no premeds. I am happy dancing (at least before the side effects kick in ;)

This a.m. Kenny asked me to drive him to the GNC that is closest to our house before he went to school (he has a spare first thing on Tuesdays and Thursdays). Our timing worked out perfectly, we got there just after the store opened at 1000 a.m. and there was a very attractive young girl who asked if she could help us. By the time we left the store she had convinced him that a multivitamin would be a very good thing to take every day, something I haven't been able to do so I was very happy to buy the suggested ones. Ten minutes later, as she was ringing up our purchases she told him that he should find he has more energy during his workouts, I asked if this would carry over to when he got home and needed to clean his room. She said that she always finds that putting on good music helps her with things like that - maybe I can hope that since she was so effective with the multi-vitamin sale he might try the music and room cleaning part too!

I got Kenny to school and then I went to the hospital to see my Mom. She was looking quite well for having had a fairly major surgery yesterday. One of the nurses came in and removed the dressing, everything was looking really good. They were lacking some of her history, so I went into work mode and showed them how they could find her previous hospitalizations (encounters) in the electronic health record and see the lengthy discharge summary the hospitalist placed on her record before she left for the lodge. They appreciated this and took her off one of the meds they had put her on after referencing the record. Yay! I have had great difficulty in the past convincing doctors and caregivers of the instructions that the infectious diseases physicians gave in the past regarding treating her. Now it is documented on the record for all to access.

After visiting Mom I picked up Rod at his shop and we were off to my last of the big chemo's. What a good feeling. I found myself dancing around a little to some Christmas music as I got ready for my day this morning.
Once in to the treatment area things went very smoothly with port access and I was hooked up and infusion started. The volunteers timed their arrival beautifully and gave me tea in a beautiful cup and saucer that had poinsettias on it. Rod took a couple of pictures -

I was done with both drugs by the end of about two hours. On the counter of the nurses station was a large bell. I was told that it was tradition that patients could ring the bell as many times as they wanted on their last chemo. I rang it a few times and all the nurses clapped, complimented and congratulated me (a little alliteration there ;). It was a nice feeling, most of them had been my nurses at one point or another throughout my chemo experience.

I saw a post on Pinterest that I liked while I was having my chemo, it goes like this -

 

It's a good one and very true. I will remember it as I go through the next few weeks. Take care everyone. 

A Good Day

Today was my lab work and oncologist appointment pre-chemo number 6.

Over the last couple of days here we have had quite a bit of snow. As I drove down the boulevard and along the drive by the provincial park we live by God was showing off for me again. The view was spectacular! The sun was shining, the sky was blue and all the trees (deciduous and coniferous) as well as the grass areas looked like they had been sprinkled with a very generous amount of pure white icing sugar.

I prayed ahead of getting there that I would find a parking spot fairly close to the Cancer Centre, my energy isn't quite what it used to be and I find I get short of breath easier when walking. As I was driving through the parking lot by an ideal parking spot the people in the car occupying it got into their car and pulled out, leaving the spot for me to claim.

It was very busy in the lab area when I got there with my requisition. A lady moved her things to provide me with one of the few seats and just as I sat down a volunteer came by with her cart and served me tea and cookies. This made the wait quite pleasant, my tea was done by the time my number was called.

I called the hospital my Mom is in a couple of times during my time at the Cancer Centre. Mom was taken for her surgery late morning and had not returned from the Recovery Room by the time I was done my appointment, given the blessing to proceed with my chemo tomorrow and had my prescriptions filled. It was now mid-afternoon so I decided that I would go make the Costco trip today so I would be more available tomorrow morning to go and see Mom.

Once again at Costco, someone was leaving a very nicely situated parking spot just as I was looking for one :). Things went quite smoothly in the store and I managed to make it out right before rush hour traffic. I phoned Mom's unit one more time, she had just arrived back on the unit and it sounded quite busy.

Nice to know she has had the surgery and now the process or recovery/rehabilitation begins.

At my oncologist appointment today we discussed the Herceptin infusions I will have every three weeks until August 2013. Thursdays and Fridays are the days I was offered for these infusions. Due to the fact that there can tend to be stat holidays on Fridays and I would like the infusions to continue on time and get them over with without being postponed, I chose Thursdays. I will not require premeds for these infusions which is great, I'm not liking the steroids much. Having them on Thursdays also means that any side effects should be dealt with and over during the weekend, making it easier for me  work-wise. I also received a prescription for Tamoxifen, which she suggested I wait until after Christmas to start, in case I experienced any initial side effects. I will have the first solo Herceptin infusion on January 3rd and then I will be sent for another MUGA scan followed by an appointment with the oncologist on January 14th. If lab work and scan results are good at that appointment then I won't need an oncologist appointment for three months. Light at the end of the tunnel.

All in all a good day.

Take care everyone.

Faith to be Strong

Yesterday Rod and I picked up the bed for Mom and took it out to her along with a few more of her things. Rod set it up and made sure the brakes were locked and that Mom was able to use the remote to get the head up and down before we made our way home.

Kenny had a hockey game at 7 p.m. I was feeling quite tired as we had also attended a housewarming a couple from our church held during the day so I stayed home. While at the housewarming we enjoyed visiting and I was fortunate to be able to put a sweet baby to sleep and then hold him for the duration of the time we were there. Grandma was definitely missing her grandchildren ;).

While Rod and Kenny were out I received a call from the lodge telling me that Mom had fallen in her room on the way back from the washroom and injured her right hip. They wanted me to come out and take her to emergency for an x-ray. I told them I wouldn't be able to do this.  I had two reasons - I didn't feel I would be able to help her in and out of the car and wheelchairs if it was just me and I have been warned not to expose myself to the germs in a busy emergency while immunosuppressed. I asked if they could send her via ambulance and they agreed to do this.

When Rod arrived home I updated him on what was happening. We kept in touch with the nurses in Emergency during the night and found out about 2 a.m. that Mom's right hip was fractured. She is now waiting for surgery while admitted to an ortho floor.

I drove out to the lodge this a.m. to let them know and collect some of the things she will need while in the hospital. Rod went to see Mom while she was still in the Emergency department and then went on to church.

There is a song I listen to when I need strength. I listened to it the night before and morning of my surgery, before my first chemo and again this morning. It is called 'Faith to be Strong' by Andrew Peterson.

Here is the link -
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8OpUlIXDgGk'

Take care everyone.

The Good and the Bad

I'm not sure if the title I chose today is the best one but I can't seem to come up with another one so I'll try it out and see.

Yesterday the lunch that I had booked needed to be cancelled as the friend I was to meet had a car accident. It snowed yesterday morning and as she was waiting at a stoplight her car was rear ended. Fortunately, she said she was feeling OK following the accident but there were details to take care of.

The coffee date was lovely. I met a lady I had heard of through a friend, we were diagnosed close to the same time and we have been following each other's progress since. Through Facebook we had 'friended' each other and sent some messages back and forth but this was our first meeting. Our mutual friend was to join us but she was delayed. As I was walked into Starbucks it seems I was recognized right away, hopefully not because my wig was so obvious or possibly not sitting right ;). I was greeted with homemade muffins, jelly and coffee - I can see why my friend thinks so highly of this lady. Coffee lasted almost two hours with our friend joining us about thirty minutes into it, a very nice time. Today I am celebrating with this lady as she had her final radiation and her treatment is now complete.

When I arrived home I responded to a phone message from my cousin and was sorry to hear that my uncle had passed away on Tuesday. This was my mother's brother and before her hospitalization they had lived in the same lodge, he would go to her room and escort her to her meals each day. I let my Mom know this morning, hard for her.

I had a good talk this a.m. with my Saskatchewan chemo buddy as I had heard she had some complications last weekend. She was hospitalized for four days with an infection and is now home and doing better. In spite of everything she had been through and how scary it all was for her she was describing her wonderful view and her spacious hospital room to me. Quite a lady!

My lunch today was with a friend I met through the autism association I have been involved with, she is a warm and caring person and does great work in supporting families and people on the autism spectrum. The restaurant officially closed at three, we were told we could stay and continue to talk if we liked but I think when they started vacuuming it was their cue for us to wrap things up ;).

At home I once again was called by my Mom's lodge, they haven't missed a day since she moved in ;). When we were told of her impending move to this lodge we realized that we would need to obtain a bed for Mom. The previous lodge had supplied one so she had given away the beds that had been in her home at the time of that move. The manager of the new lodge seemed understanding about this and said they could temporarily supply a bed. Call me naive but I never thought to ask if  there was a charge for the bed, nor had anyone told me about a charge when the bed was offered. We had already arranged to pick up a bed and have it out to Mom's room by end of day tomorrow but the business manager had been to see my Mom to tell her about the rather significant charge and the fact that tomorrow was a new month precipitating a charge for next month also.  My Mom's distress at this was what prompted her phone call to me. Poor Mom, this wasn't something she needed to be presented with, especially today. I'm afraid my reaction to the news was probably not what the business manager had been expecting either.

Hopefully we'll get things straightened out next week, meanwhile I am getting lots of opportunity to look for the hidden treasure every day and it is always there. Besides yesterday's coffee and today's lunch, the mail also brought a card and a Starbuck's gift card from one of my favorite co-workers from my Day Surgery days. She had lots of good things happening in her life to share, not the least of which is a second grandchild, a 7 month old boy. Her other offering was hope as she is a cancer survivor herself.

God is good.

Take care.

Busy Days

Chemo No. 6 is rapidly approaching and, as usual, I am trying to put as much into week three as possible.

I have bloodwork and my oncologist appointment on Monday afternoon and, if all is well, I will have my final 'big' chemo on Tuesday afternoon. It will be good to get that one out of the way and move on to just having the Herceptin infusion every three weeks through to August 2013. I am very interested to see which of my side effects can be attributed to the Taxotere and Neulasta and which of them I will continue to experience with the Herceptin alone. I am very hopeful that I will no longer require any Neulasta shots in the future.

While I am not always thrilled when I look in the mirror and see the aging effects of the chemo on my body or attempt a flight of stairs and find myself winded and feeling like my legs are encased in cement I am grateful that I have made it to this point without any real serious side effects. I was very much reminded of this when the lady that I sat with during her first chemo was hospitalized last weekend for an infection. It seems that things are back on track for her although her next chemo will be delayed a week to give her body time to recover. Chemo is serious stuff.

Yesterday I worked on gathering items for the children's treat bags I make each year for our church's Christmas dinner/program. I was able to make pretty good headway on the edible portions of the bag contents, a little more work will be required on the entertainment parts but I have some ideas and I am pleased.

I made a quick visit out to see my Mom yesterday also. I seem to get at least one phone call from the lodge every day, I hope things settle down soon. There are still financial aspects to be dealt with. I  hadn't anticipated that supplies the nurses use in caring for my Mom would be ordered from the drugstore and charged to her and I will have to look into that. Lots to learn.

Today, I went 'to work' for 10:30 a.m. and stayed to about 3 p.m. I'm thinking I kind of like those hours. Maybe I'll have to do some negotiating when I really go back and I'm not just playing like I was when I went in today. ;)

Tonight's post is a bit late as I also had to get an assignment in for my Business Analysis course. I'm not sure how I've managed to do it, but I'm already a little behind in this class and I know that next week may be a write off so I want to get caught up and possibly ahead before next week.

Tomorrow is an early lunch with a good friend followed by coffee with a couple of other lovely ladies. Friday finds me lunching yet again. Life is tough, eh? ;)

Long day, this post is showing that. Need my beauty sleep more than ever these days so going to head to bed.

Take care, everyone.

I am Rich

My co-worker and friend Wenda is responsible for the title of today's post.

This a.m. was one of the Monday's where I go into work for a couple of meetings and try to keep up on all that is going on so I don't fall too far behind. Before I left this morning Rod came back into the house with a package that had been left on our doorstep. When I opened it there was a beautiful handmade quilt with a card that said - 'One who sleeps under a quilt is comforted by love' and 'Wrap yourself in the prayers and thoughts of the body of Christ - from the members of the Edmonton Christian Assembly'. Wow! Great way to start the day. The quilt promises to bring lots of comfort and I will use it well.

Once at work, Wenda and I took our tea into a meeting room and went through a few things related to work for about three quarters of an hour, then visited. She told me that she sees how rich I am when she reads my blog. Rich in my relationship with God and in the wonderful support of all my family and friends. She is right, I am rich and I hope I do not take any of it for granted.

Following our meeting, the rest of my co-workers surprised me with a little meeting where they presented me with a present from the team. I need to correct that. It was a very generous present from the team and a few other people. Rod and I are going to be thoroughly pampered for a weekend of our choosing - first by the mountain panorama that will be surrounding us there and then by all sorts of extras above and beyond our accommodation for two nights (including more chocolate dipped strawberries :).

Wow again! All of this in one morning and it wasn't even 1030 yet! It was lovely to sit and visit with everyone, I hope they don't mind that I think I miss that even more than I miss the 'working with them' part (and that is a joy, honest ;).

Following the work 'meetings' I went home and made lunch and talked myself into going over to Wellsprings for my last ceramics class. This was really to be a bit of a celebration as we received our finished vases and each of us brought something to eat to share from our finished vase. Once there I was very glad I went. There was lots of sharing and visiting, so many stories and inspiring people. One thing I do notice when I am around these ladies is that there seems to be a peace and a lack of stress or rushing around about them, no 'me first' attitude but a quiet attitude of 'in honor preferring one another' - both while we were making our vases and today while we shared everyone's food offerings. This made for a wonderful atmosphere to sit and relax in.

Now I am once again home and I guess I had better quit being quite so laid back and get up and make some supper so Kenny can make it to hockey practice on time. I have several options for a quick supper in my fridge just waiting for me, whichever choice I make it will be accompanied by the fresh raw veggies Ev continues to faithfully supply us with.

I am definitely rich in all the ways that really count.

Take care, everyone.

Settling In

The last two days have been largely spent helping my mother get a little more settled in at her new lodge.

Ev came and picked me up yesterday a.m. and drove me out to the lodge where we unpacked and organized more of Mom's things. Mom and I met with the management about some of the financial arrangements for her stay. Ev took Mom back up to her floor for lunch, while I checked out the shops downstairs and got the phone number for the beauty salon. I arranged to have her hair done for Wednesday of next week, which will make her feel a whole lot better. Once I joined them upstairs, Ev and I sat with Mom while she ate her lunch, I smiled at Mom's reaction after she finished her soup and the next course came. It has been very predictable for many years that when ordering food she will say 'not too much' and when food is placed before her in a restaurant she will roll her eyes and say 'that's too much'. Not yesterday. When her plate of fish sticks and 'tater tots' was placed in front of her she blurted out 'That's it?' ;)

Ev and I went out for a wonderful lunch following our visit with Mom, it was so enjoyable to just sit and visit and feel good enough to do so after the previous week. We did draw a little attention from the other diners when we burst into spontaneous laughter and then had some trouble stopping. Ev had been telling me about a time that she and her family had gone to see 'The Passion Play' in Drumheller. It had been a very wet and cloudy day. In the play Jesus was kneeling praying in the Garden of Gethsemane when the clouds in the sky broke and a ray of sunlight came down right on the actor playing Jesus. Just then a rooster crowed. She said the whole crowd gasped. My response was that you can't orchestrate something like that, like 'cue sunshine' (pointing to the sky) and 'cue rooster' (pointing to the left of me). We both looked to the left of me just then and noticed that the wallpaper border there was covered in roosters. Maybe we were tired, but it struck us as quite funny.

Today, Rod and I went shopping and bought a chest of drawers that would work in Mom's room. He put it together while I got a few more of her things ready to take out to her. With perfect timing once again, Caleb arrived, visited with us for a bit, shopped in 'Grandma Laura's' store for a suitable present for a two year old's birthday celebration this evening and helped move Mom's things to Rod's truck. He offered to go with us to the lodge, we gladly took him up on the offer. Today's items are in place in Mom's room now, it is looking quite nice and more like her room all the time. After a quick visit it was back to the city and time for a rest for me.

Hard to believe that I can still let myself get worried at times about how things are going to work out when I look back on weeks and days like the last few and how everything has fallen so beautifully into place.Oh me of little faith ;)

I'll work on that.

Take care, everyone.

A Thankful Attitude

Today is American Thanksgiving and I want to wish all my friends in the States a very Happy Thanksgiving, I hope you are having or have had a wonderful day.

Today's reading in Jesus Calling: A 365 Day Journaling Devotional by Sarah Young had a thankful attitude as it's theme -

'A thankful attitude opens windows of heaven. Spiritual blessings fall freely onto you through those openings into eternity. Moreoever, as you look up with a grateful heart, you get glimpses of glory through those windows. You cannot yet live in heaven, but you can experience foretastes of your ultimate home. Such samples of heavenly fare revive your hope. Thankfulness opens you up to these experiences, which then provide further reasons to be grateful. Thus, your path becomes an upwards spiral: ever increasing in gladness.

Thankfulness is not some sort of magic formula; it is the language of Love, which enables you to communicate intimately with Me. A thankful mind-set does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems. Instead, it rejoices in Me, your Savior, in the midst of trials and tribulations. I am your refuge and strength, an ever-present and well-proved help in trouble.'

The first paragraph says that two of the by-products of a thankful attitude are hope and gladness. I like that.

The second paragraph says that 'a thankful mindset does not entail a denial of reality'. When I have a thankful attitude I am making a conscious choice to be grateful even through trials and tribulations. My focus is not on the struggles of this life but it is on God, who is greater than all my problems and ever present with me, whatever I may be going through.

My cousin Deanna posted this on Facebook today and I am going to re-post it here -

'It is not happy people who are thankful;
It is thankful people who are happy.'

Thanks Deanna :) -

 Take care, everyone. Keep looking up.
.

Working out the Details

Busy day yesterday!

I drove Kenny to school as a treat for him not to have to take the bus and then proceeded over to the hospital. I spent about one and a half hours going through Mom's things and packing them for her move and while I was in the room several staff members were in and out.

Following my hospital visit with Mom I went to Costco and picked up my groceries as well as a smaller TV for her new room. I was quite tired and once I hit the checkout I guess it showed. One of the 'helpers' worked with me to get my things out of my cart and she smiled and said 'You have had a day already, haven't you?' That meant a lot to me to have that acknowledgement at that moment in time.

At the next aisle I was drawn to another cart making it's way through that checkout. In the front part of the cart, laid out lengthwise was a small girl of about 3 or 4. She was sound asleep and the picture of peace amidst all the noise and chaos that was going on around her. In front of her, standing guard was her older brother, making sure she was not disturbed as she slept, occasionally rubbing her foot. This touched me, it felt like God was speaking to me through it. The clerk at my checkout also seemed to be affected by the scene, commenting on it to me. 

Once home, I completed this week's assignment for my Business Analysis online course that started on Monday and then had a lengthy phone call with my 'Saskatchewan friend' who is also going through her breast cancer/chemo journey with me. Wonderful to share experiences once again, no one knows like someone who has or is going through it.
 

Washroom in Mom's room

There were two times in the last two days where I unabashedly used the 'cancer card' when dealing with my Mom's move. The first time was on Monday when I had arranged with the lodge to book their loading dock for yesterday evening, in order to have some of her things in her room when she got there. There was no trouble booking the loading dock but late Monday afternoon I received a phone call. The person calling told me that since we were moving some of Mom's things into her room the night before they would have to start charging her for the room from that day, rather than Wednesday. I was taken aback by this. I said I was going through chemo currently and unable to move her things myself during the daytime. I told them Rod and Kenny were unavailable to help me Wednesday evening due to Kenny's hockey and that Mom was already being charged for her hospital room daily so, if it meant an extra charge for her, we would just have to wait to move her things until later in the week, probably the weekend. I was put on hold, when the person came back they said not to worry, they wouldn't charge for the room until she came on Wednesday. We moved some of her things out last evening, I've added a few pictures of the lodge, it certainly doesn't look like any care facility I have been in before. Wondering if I can book my room now?

Main Lobby - entrance of lodge

Sitting area just outside of Mom's room

Built in kitchenette area in room with sink, appliances provided

Larger sitting area on Mom's floor with coffee bar

Dining area

The second time I used the 'cancer card' was last evening about 5:30 when I received a call from the hospital. They told me Mom was being discharged at 0800 today and to be at the hospital by then. I clarified with them that Mom was being transported to the lodge, they agreed but said that EMS wouldn't take her things and I would have to do that. I told them I had been in her room packing things most of the morning and not once did anyone tell me that her things wouldn't be transported with her. I told them I wouldn't be able to make it back that evening and I couldn't guarantee how I would be feeling in the morning due to the after effects of chemo. They said for sure EMS would not be willing to take her walker so I would have to deal with it, this is where I said "That's ridiculous, she can't even maneuver a couple of feet without it, how can they not take it with her?" I guess I sounded emphatic enough, they said they would deal with it from their end. I hear from them that she has her walker with her this morning as she is being transported.

We have freezing rain and weather advisories for snow from 5 - 15 centimeters here today, the roads are not good. I am very thankful to be inside at the moment with no great urgency to be out in it.

Take care, everyone.

A Lot of Good People Out There

In the past few days I have been so impressed by how many good people there really are 'out there'.
Last week was evidence with the people that so readily accommodated my need for rides on Thursday.
The Breast Cancer forum I belong to is also more evidence. This supportive group of ladies from all over the world reach out to each other at all stages of their journeys to help each other out, in  whatever form might be required for each situation. Last week proved this again by the support that was given to the lady that I sat with during her first chemo, in the days following her chemo. In addition, on one particular thread that I belong to, many that have now completed their treatment are coming back to continue to support those of us who are still going through our treatment, giving much needed encouragement and hope. One of these ladies started a 2013 Survivors thread so we could all stay in contact and there is the hope that we can arrange for as many of us as possible to get together to meet at some point in the hopefully not too distant future.
In other areas of my life, when I mentioned my mother moving and our need for a bed for her, we were immediately approached with the offer of a bed that the user has the ability to raise the head or knees on. What a blessing to know this item is taken care of.
I stayed pretty quiet again through the day yesterday and it was late afternoon when Rod and Kenny came home from church followed by a hockey practice for Kenny. What a pleasant surprise to see Rod carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Steph and Mike with a nice card to go with. Just because. :)
This a.m. I once again found myself at Wellsprings, the house that offers programs for people dealing with cancer. This morning's program was called 'Cancer Chic' and it is put on by two ladies who have gone through the cancer experience themselves. Once through, they got together and started this organization to do workshops to help other women going through treatment. The workshop was 2 1/2 hours long and was comprised of 3 parts, each part starting with the person presenting sharing their cancer story  - the first part was presented by a lady who spoke to how exercise helped her through her treatment and recovery (she was a shining example of fitness and very inspirational), the second was a makeup demonstration, complete with donated samples of chemical free makeup products, and participants as models for various techniques, with the last part being about dealing with hair loss, the emotional component and then some practical tips along with pictures of this woman's hair re growth over the past two years and the different styles along the way. In addition to the makeup samples provided, there were goodie bags containing lots of other products and handouts to go along with the information presented. One of the packages that was provided in our bags was from a lady who heard of what these ladies were doing and wanted to do something to add, the beautifully presented package of products from her were her way of doing this. At this point in my treatment, gestures like this mean so much. Oprah's 'My Favorite Things' was on TV last evening and she made a statement that it wasn't the 'things' that were received that would speak to the people who received them but the fact that they were recognized and made to feel good on that day that they would remember. I agree.
I remained at Wellsprings this afternoon for my second ceramics class, the vase does look much better following being 'fired'. Today we glazed and the vases will be fired once again, apparently the type of glaze we used will make them look 'glass-like' and can hide a multitude of sins. We shall see.
On my way out, there was a new receptionist at the desk. We glanced at each other and then each of us did second takes. The lady manning the desk was someone I had worked with as we implemented the electronic health record in our health region, someone who I have great respect for. She lost her husband to cancer a few years ago. We caught up a little with each other and I found out that she uses vacation time to do volunteer shifts for Wellsprings, her way of giving back.
There are a so many good people out there! I am going to leave you with a video that was placed on Facebook today by someone who has been following and encouraging me in my cancer journey as she is also going through her own cancer journey. It sums up this post. Thank you, Joan.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=y-Q0XTAPWi4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dy-Q0XTAPWi4
Take care, everyone.

Taking it Easy

Today and yesterday,  I am definitely movng slower and feeling tired, I am so glad that most of my post-chemo activites were centred around Thursday this week and that I can take it easier now. I am also very thankful that my mother misunderstood and that she is not moving to her new lodge this weekend but moving on Wednesday of next week. That relieves the pressure and allows a little more time.

I did go out and run an errand yesterday morning and picked up my Neulasta (Nutella for you, Al ;), which I have since given myself and I am hopeful that it is the last one I will need. I am very grateful that the cost of it was all covered, I am reminded of what a blessing this is when I see the amount on the prescription followed by 'patient pays 0.00'. I was definitely much more achy last evening and during today and had GI symptoms throughout the night.

I received a wonderful parcel in the mail this week from my niece Amanda that contained some teas ideally suited to help digestively and I have a cup of freshly brewed tea beside me to sip on as I am posting. Looking forward to these weekend symptoms to be over and done with. Not a very exciting post but 'it is what it is'. Thank you, Amanda, your gift couldn't have been more timely.

Take care, everyone.

A Day Well Spent

As I sit here and post I am tired but it feels like a good tired and that today turned out exactly as it was meant to be.

I had promised one of the ladies in town who requires chemotherapy that I would be there for her first chemo session and I wanted to keep that promise. She was supposed to have had her initial chemo last week, which was on a week 3 post chemo for me and would have worked very well. That didn't work out and so her first chemo fell to this a.m., two days post chemo for me. I wondered whether I would be able to keep that promise but with a little help from my friends I did it.

Right after chemo I do not like to drive as I find my eyes are a little fuzzy and it takes a day or two to feel like I am safe out there. This meant that I would need rides to and from my activities today. Everything worked out so well, I hope the people who gave me the rides felt the same way ;).

My friend and co-worker Nicki had a meeting scheduled at the site where the Cancer Centre is for exactly the same time as this lady's chemo. I quickly emailed her and she readily agreed to pick me up and drive me there first thing this morning. In the afternoon a few of the ladies in the church and I had arranged to meet to discuss the Christmas dinner and program. Ev was one of these ladies and lives very close to the Cancer Centre, she agreed to pick me up from there about 1230 and Jane lives on my side of town so she became my ride home. I couldn't have asked for better chauffeurs.

'Benny' met me exactly where we had agreed and we went down to the Medical Day Care. There wasn't much of a wait at all, a young nurse name Stephanie called 'Benny' and escorted us to Area A where she was placed in a chair. 'Benny' has a needle phobia and did not have a port so she needed to have an IV initiated. She was very brave and I did my best to keep her distracted. As a nurse, I have to say that her veins are some of the best I have seen, so it was quick work for Stephanie.

The first chemo was the epirubicin push which took the most amount of time - four syringes which are pushed manually, just as I had with my first three chemo sessions. 'Benny' was a trooper throughout. Following that the 5FU and cyclosphosphamide seemed to take hardly any time at all as we visited throughout.

'Benny' did so well, her last obstacle being the removal of the IV, which she was also a little squeamish about but was nothing after all. What a privilege to have been able to be there with her, she will do fine in her subsequent chemo's and she is well prepared for handling her first few days post chemo at home.

Take care everyone.

Almost Done

Well, I am almost done chemo 5! I am sitting here with the last of the Herceptin infusing which will be followed by half an hour of observation and I am almost done the 'big' chemo, with only one more to go before I am on Herceptin only every three weeks until August. Rod is sitting beside me totally engrossed in the new John Grisham novel called 'The Racketeer' that I found at Costco this morning. I looked through the Pinterest site at the beginning of chemo but needed a break from that after a bit so here I am.

This morning I spent a fair amount of time on the phone but it was profitable. I arranged for my next Neulasta shot to be ordered and available for me for Friday. I talked to the manager at the lodge my Mom is slated to go to and a few more details are taken care of there. I also talked to a social worker from the hospital and explained some of the concerns regarding finances. I attempted to talk to the social worker at the new lodge but she was sick today so hopefully she will be better tomorrow. The unit called me about noon and told me they were under quarantine for Norovirus. The doctor did not want me to come and visit Mom this afternoon as I had planned. She is well but they are just taking precautions. The other precaution is that they are not allowed to transfer anyone out or in to the unit until the quarantine is lifted. That means that Mom won't be going to the lodge tomorrow. She will now have more time to get used to the idea and we have more time to prepare and acquire what we need for her, including a hospital bed. No furniture is provided in the room at this lodge whereas in the previous lodge she was provided with a dresser and bed. The extra time we now have is a real answer to prayer.
That's about it for now, I do appreciate everyone's prayers and support, I truly believe that it is making a wonderful difference in how I am tolerating this whole experience - thank you.

Take care :)

As your day, so shall your strength be

The long weekend is over. Rod and I had such a lovely time grandparenting Keiran and Lilly this weekend while Justin, Leah and Forrest went to a marriage enrichment weekend. Keiran and Lilly were so good for us, it was a busy time but I have lots of wonderful memories for the weeks to come.

Tomorrow is chemo in the afternoon and in the morning will be a Costco trip and a few phone calls regarding the transfer of my Mom to the new care facility in the nearby town. She won't be happy about going there as change and the unknown is difficult for her. As long as the financial aspects can be worked out fairly quickly, I think she will eventually learn to like this facility. I will take it one day at a time and see what my energy levels allow as far as getting out there and getting some of her things to her to help her settle in. It will all work out.

With the new chemo, I find that I have more aches and pains than I did with the old regimen and I tire quite easily. My two big toenails look like they will be casualties but I was aware that this may happen. I can't say I am looking forward to tomorrow as this time I never did get back to feeling good, even during week 3. I started my pre-chemo steroids this afternoon and I am fluid loading as directed. I'm trying to be good about my diet but I have to confess that when I am at home alone in the daytime I am not as motivated to eat well, especially when the taste of food is impacted by the chemo.

My reading for yesterday in "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young was very pertinent to what is going on in my life.

Do not let any set of circumstances intimidate you. The more challenging your day, the more of My Power I place at your disposal. You seem to think that I empower you equally each day, but this is not so. Your tendency upon awakening is to assess the difficulties ahead of you, measuring them against your average strength. This is an exercise in unreality.

I know what each of your days will contain, and I empower you accordingly. The degree to which I strengthen you on a given day is based mainly on two variables:  the difficulty of your circumstances, and your willingness to depend on Me for help. Try to view challenging days as opportunities to receive more of My Power than usual.  Look to Me for all that you need, and watch to see what I will do. As your day, so shall your strength be.

Nice to be able to rest in the knowledge that it is not my strength I am dependent on.

Take care, everyone.

The Wisdom of Children

On today's post I will share a conversation I had today with Keiran, my 2 1/2 year old grandson -

Keiran, pointing to a picture - That's Grandpa Rod.
Me - Yes, that is Grandpa Rod.
Keiran, pointing to me in the picture - Who's that?
Me - That's me, Grandma Laura.
Keiran - That was you when you had hair?
Me - Yes, I had hair then.
Keiran - Where did your hair go?
Me - Grandma had to have special strong medicine that made her hair fall out.
Keiran - Will the hair come back?
Me - Yes, my hair will grow back.
Keiran - If I have medicine will my hair fall out?
Me - No Keiran, only the special strong medicine makes hair fall out.
Keiran - If I have medicine for flu my hair won't fall out?
Me - No, medicine for flu won't make your hair fall out.
Keiran - If you have to have special medicine again, your hair will fall out again?
Me - Yes, Keiran, if I have to have special strong medicine again my hair will probably fall out again.
Keiran, matter of factly - Oh.

With his curiosity satisfied he went off to play, with a pretty good understanding for someone so young.

Given the 'all clear'

Today was my lab work and medical oncologist visit to see if I was good to go for chemo on Tuesday and by the end of my visit I received the 'all clear'. While my hemoglobin and platelets are a little on the low side, the oncologist was most impressed by my neutrophils which are in the normal range. This means that the Neulasta is definitely doing it's work and that all the associated aches and pains have been worth it.

The weather here is not conducive to being out and about but that is where I found myself yesterday and today due to my appointments. We are under a snowfall warning and have received a fair amount of it in two days and the temperature has been falling.

After my appointments regarding chemo I went to visit my Mom and then went out for a two hour lunch with Robin (for anybody from work that is checking up on us, it could be considered a business lunch as about an hour of it was spent discussing work, honest ;). I was very spoiled on the way over, Robin picked me up right at the doors of the Cancer Center and when I got in her car the seat warmer had been turned on for a bit and so was nice and toasty warm - heaven!

Following lunch I had my radiation oncologist appointment at a different location closer to the downtown area. When the radiation oncologist walked in she was accompanied by a very young looking guy who shook my hand and introduced himself as Jordan, the med student. I told him that my second son's name is Jordan. He asked me how old my Jordan was and seemed surprised when I answered with 27. He said that was about how old he was also. He was quite sweet so I cooperated with his questioning and examination, but it did kind of feel like when my boys were toddlers and they wanted me to pretend to be the patient while they used their doctor kits to treat me. In their cases treating always seemed to require them using the needle in the kit on me, usually more than once. I was spared that today. Thank you, Jordan ;)

There is a part of the pathology report that they are going to have clarified by the pathologist, the radiation oncologist felt there may have been an error in transcription. The information the pathologist provides may change my decision but at this point in time after reviewing everything currently known with them I felt the risks outweighed the benefits. My biggest risk is not a local recurrence, which is what radiation is aimed at preventing, I am at greater risk of distant metastases due to the positive lymph nodes and HER2 receptor positive status. The chemo is aimed at preventing that. It will be a relief if I don't have to undergo radiation on a daily basis in the middle of winter.

It took a bit to get home with the snow and ice covered roads adding to rush hour congestion. Once home I had a message on the answering machine that said my mother would be moved to a lodge in a nearby town on Wednesday. Not good timing for me with chemo on Tuesday. When I called the  number of the lodge that would be receiving her there were several other concerns that were brought to light, including several financial aspects. It is a long weekend here so, with the exception of leaving a few messages on the transition services coordinator's voicemail, my concerns will have to be dealt with on Tuesday.

Just in time to lighten my mood Justin, Leah and family arrived. Great fun, and more on the way in the next couple of days! I had the privilege of putting Keiran to bed. He was quite energetic and seemed to be bouncing off the walls and bed at the beginning but quickly settled after a story and my singing of a few songs to him. Haven't heard a peep from him since but I'm thinking that morning might come very early so I will go indulge in a nice warm bath and crawl into a bed that has been warmed by a heating pad (inspired by Robin's pre-heated carseat). Life is good,

Take care, everyone.

And miles to go ...

As chemo continues, I am finding that the cumulative effects are taking a bit of a toll on my energy supply and this can be a little discouraging when I look at all that I want to accomplish yet this week, prior to another chemo session next Tuesday.

Yesterday, I ran some errands and then went to see my mother in the morning. Together we managed to get some more details taken care of in regards to her move away from the lodge. Following my visit with her, I drove to the lodge and completed the final walk-through of her room with the assistant manager. As I was standing at the reception desk, I felt a hug from behind and turned to find Jane. Jane is very resourceful, a good person to give a task to that might seem daunting to others. On Tuesday, Jane was on a mission to find a fairly large number of slippers at a reasonable price to be given to and used by the participants in a married couples weekend. The facility they are using this coming weekend does not allow outside footwear to be worn inside. Jane had remembered my mother telling her of the ladies knitting group at the lodge and Jane was there to check to see if this group could be a possible source for the slippers. We walked out together, me with a small bag and Jane carrying the large bag that had my Mom's bedspreads and blanket in it, the last of the belongings from the room for me to move. As I opened the back of my car for Jane to place the bag in, I felt a need to explain the various items I had accummulated that morning on my errands, explaining that some items were due to the grandchildren coming this weekend, some were supplies required for some homemade Christmas gifts and a couple were just items that would hopefully meet some needs that I had identified in the last week or so. Jane smiled and made a remark about the busyness of week 3, she is coming to know my chemo routine well.

This morning found me at work for a couple of meetings. Once again, it was so nice to see everyone and to be treated as a member of a business team, not a patient. Following the meetings, I made a trip to get my car washed before it snowed again and stopped at a Superstore to see if they had some items I still hadn't been able to locate for my Christmas giving. As I walked the aisles, I could feel the weariness creeping up on me and was happy to pay for my purchases and contemplate home and my recliner. In the parking lot I thought I was making good progress on my way to my car, but a truck behind me didn't seem to think I was moving fast enough or in the right direction and honked, pulling around me and gunning it's motor as it passed, as if to reinforce it's irritation. Some part of me wanted to whip my wig off just to remind the occupant that all is not always as it seems and patience can be a virtue. I resisted the urge.

As I said at the beginning of my post, I was feeling a little discouraged as this evening waxed on and my energy continued to wane. How wonderful then to receive not one, but three encouraging messages from others, all within a half hour, managing to change my discouraged frown into a big smile. Once again, God is good.

Jane posted a video to Facebook today that I am adding a link for here, it might help to explain why my energy levels are being depleted without much to show for them. I hope it brings a smile. Thanks, Jane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7Rkg-r5BR8&feature=share

Take care everyone.

Arts and Crafts

Well, it's come down to this, I spent this afternoon making a vase that makes my children's elementary school offerings look like masterpieces in comparison.

I look around sometimes at the various places that I find myself during any given week and think - 'So, this is now my life'. It can still seem so surreal. 

Back in the summer when I had more energy and wondered what I would do with my time while I was off work I signed up for a ceramics course at Wellsprings, which is a house that was built on donated land. The house is a meeting place for any and all people in the city who have received a cancer diagnosis and offers many groups and classes as well as just a nice retreat to go to during the week.

I arrived a little early as I had never been there before and wanted to give myself time for getting lost. I didn't get lost but I did get detoured by road construction so it was good I gave myself time. The house is a spacious two story with a finished lower level as well. As I entered the house a receptionist greeted me and offered to give me a tour before my class. It was very warm and inviting with some offices, a kitchen and two meeting areas on the main floor, as well as a wonderful looking deck area and nicely landscaped backyard. On the lower level were the fitness and yoga areas. I was told that the floor in the yoga room is heated, nice touch. The second floor has a few more offices, a self-serve lending library and a large crafts room. I will definitely be checking out the lending library next visit.

The ceramics class was very relaxed and the majority of us were of similar abilities so no pressure there. It was quite soothing to work with the cool clay and chat with the other participants. I had worn a scarf pulled back and fastened with an elastic, with the tails draped over my shoulder to simulate hair. Over this I had worn a hat. The ladies seemed impressed by this and wondered where I had learned this 'technique'. One also commented that the earrings were a nice finishing touch - see, what have I been telling people - bald is better with earrings ;). I seemed to be the only one there that was currently in active treatment and a newbie like me could tell by the length of the participants hair how long ago they had most likely completed treatment.

I did manage to finish my vase by the end of class and I am hoping that somehow the firing process will work miracles on it but I won't hold my breath. If that doesn't do the trick, maybe the glazing process will. Eternal optimist - that's me.

Speaking of optimism, the sun has been shining here for two days and it does make such a difference. It is somehow much easier to keep a positive outlook when the sun is allowed to do it's part.

Before my class this morning I was able to get a few loads of laundry done and sort through a few more of my Mom's things as well as making some phone calls and arranging for a change of address to go in at the Post Office for her. Here it is now 8:30 and I am seriously thinking of getting ready for bed and being there by 9:00. I tell myself this isn't too bad because there was a time change, but it really is rather pathetic, isn't it? ;)

Take care everyone.