A Look Forward ... and Backward

Today Rod and I visited my mother at the hospital again. As I suspected last time I was there, she is showing signs of congestive heart failure and they have her on a fluid restriction, there could be a renal component involved in the fluid restriction also. She is a little discouraged at the lack of progress; she would really like to be able to return to the lodge she lives at but knows that this is not a possibility at the moment.
Following our visit with her, we went and walked for quite a distance along a river pathway close to the hospital. It was a wonderful walk, there were many people out enjoying the water, the weather and the pathways. It was a great break; we will need to remember to make the opportunity to enjoy the many scenic pathways our city offers in the months ahead.

The week ahead will be a busy one. I am looking forward to -

• My postop appointment with the surgeon tomorrow and preop bloodwork required for the port insertion
• Another hair appointment with my hairstylist on Tuesday, the last normal cut before the one I will book for two weeks post-chemo where I will ask her to crop it all off
• I plan to try to go for a wig fitting this week, I have a prescription from the oncologist that will help to cover part of the cost through my work insurance plan
• I also have prescriptions for meds I need to get filled, they are to help with the side effects of the chemo, I will need to have them in place for August 13th
• I have a MUGA scan for my heart on Wednesday a.m., I am told this will take about two hours. This is so they have a baseline of my cardiac function to compare against while I am having chemo
• I will need to be as prepared as possible for our vacation in regards to cleaning the house and packing prior to the port insertion as I will have limited use of my left arm for the first few days following it and my right arm is still not completely back to full range of motion yet
• Thursday brings the port insertion in the morning, I am told I will be at the hospital 3 - 4 hours for the procedure and the recovery afterwards
• Friday is a chemo class that I need to attend before I leave so I know what to expect, where to go etc.
• Saturday we plan to leave on our vacation
• Sunday we will celebrate my oldest son Justin's birthday with his family at their home in B.C., following this all of us will be heading down into northern Washington for the week

Now for a quick look backward.
Back when I had the mammogram and I knew that things weren't looking good, I was sitting in the dressing area waiting to go into the ultrasound and I could feel the fear clutching at my throat. At that time I prayed and placed myself in God's hands and I asked that He would be with me and that His will would be done. I asked that if I needed to go through this situation that He would use me however He chose to help others. By the time I went into the ultrasound I felt I had peace, it was still not easy for me but the fear was gone.
As I go forward once again, the fear would like to return and find a place within me to reside, but as long as I continue to place myself in God's hands each day it cannot find a home and must move on. As I go through each of the procedures I will ask God to guide the hands of all my caregivers, I can feel secure in doing this, I have full confidence in my God.

Take care.