Pause

You will probably find this an unusual title for today's post but as I write I hope it will make more sense.

My kind husband is still helping me to have a gentle start to the day, so before it has even started  I get to pause - read, pray and drink coffee - and, because it's what I do, make a list of what I would like to accomplish for the day. The lists are getting pretty pathetic lately but they seem to help me.

I decided that I could contact the cancer center this morning in a 'self-advocating' kind of way and tell them of my vacation plans. It worked! The person who books appointments had just received my referral following triage by the nurse so it was in front of her and she was ready to book me according to my schedule, not theirs. I am now fairly booked up for next week with lab appointments, the GP 'oncology' expert and now a 2 hour orientation session for the cancer center followed the day after by a 2 hour medical oncologist appointment. So, this week will serve as a bit of a pause prior to all that activity.

I went to my Mom's lodge and spoke to the people in charge to give them an update on her, picked up a few more of her things and went to visit her in the hospital. She had just arrived back from a chest x-ray; she is sounding very wheezy and is still on oxygen. Once they got her settled back in bed, I fixed her hair and applied a bit of makeup which she seemed to appreciate. Then I got my typical run down of the food and I had to smile, this part of any hospitalization never changes for her so this was a good sign. We filled out her menu for tomorrow together and she kept saying things like, 'Tell them only a small amount'. Now this would be OK except it's hard to do with pre-packaged cereal like Rice Krispies and one piece of toast.;)

Then I just sat with her for a while, she was quite tired after being up in the night for a procedure. A nice pause for both of us. On my way out of the hospital I ran into a couple of people I used to work with in my IT Training days, we had a nice chat and as I left they assured me that 'the sisters were looking fine'. :)

I picked up a few groceries on my way home, being sure that none of the bags had too much in them as I'm still not supposed to be lifting over 5 pounds. As I was driving to the grocery store and once I got home I could feel a migraine building. I made myself some lunch, took some Tylenol, then laid down with an icepack on my neck to see if I could sleep it off. Another nice pause in the day which seemed to have helped, I still have a bit of a residual headache so I have chased the Tylenol with a dose of Advil and I am still using the ice on my neck as I write.

 I have received the loveliest emails and messages from so many people since my diagnosis and they have really brightened my days. One thing they have also done, though, is make me aware that there are people telling me they have looked up to me or used me as an example. If this is true and they aren't just being kind, then I am going to need to be extra careful with my behavior as I go through the rest of my treatment, it may be the true test of my character.

When my older boys were teenagers, one in particular would be messaging friends on the computer and then as my husband or myself were in the vicinity, he would type 'PAW' which meant 'parents are watching'. I decided this afternoon that this wouldn't be a bad motto for me when I am tempted to be grumpy/angry/depressed/petty etc. I will add an 's' to the end of the PAW to make it say 'PAWS', change the parents to people -  the message to myself will then be 'take a moment and PAWS'.
There could be several 's' words I can use at the end of PAW depending on the situation but I have come up with some possible examples -
People Are Watching - Smile
People Are Watching - Shut-up
People Are Watching - Slow Down
People Are Watching - Suck it up, buttercup
People Are Watching - Strut the Sisters (couldn't resist throwing that one in there ;)

Take care